Are you kidding me?

So, I am new to this whole faith thing.  I mean, I've heard of it, talked about it, even witnessed it in action--but I've never been fully immersed as I am today.  There, I said it.  I am new.  I have found God and I feel it.  I live it.  I breathe it.  And it's not like before...when I thought that I had found my faith and become one with God...I know now that I wasn't even close.

And while I could probably speak about this new found faith forever, I almost feel like I'm not quite ready to go there just yet.   It's new.  It's my feelings, my discovery, my life and I'm going to be a bit stingy with it for now.  And don't feel bad...my husband isn't really 'in the loop' with it either.  And I'm so okay with that for now.

But today has been one of those days where I feel so fully tested.  I am spent.  Emotionally, physically....spent.  I think that I always feel like this on Thursday evenings.  My school week is over and all of the cramming/studying/commuting just wears me out.  And I am feeling it.

I taught a lesson today.  A kindergarten lesson on money.  Simple stuff.  Nickels and pennies.  Counting up to ten cents.  I thought for sure it would be a success.  Ha!  Not even close. They got the nickel concept.  They got the penny concept.  They can count by 1s and they can count by 5s...but for the life of me, I could not get them to count nickels and pennies together.  They just weren't getting it.  And we're only given 30 minutes to teach and assess.  It just wasn't enough time.  So, I may not get a passing grade on this one.  And, it'll be my first non-passing grade. Ever.  I want to cry. I could go on about this class and the students and why I feel it wasn't a success but I've learned from others mistakes about blabbing online about students and teaching.   I'm not going to be among them.

So I'm driving home from school and just about three blocks from KG's daycare and I miss my turn.  So I just go up to the next block and take the other route.  Thank God for my Garmin.  I'm never lost anymore.  I was talking away on my cell phone to a classmate about lessons and students and school and there they are.....cherries and berries.  I got pulled over.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  Ugh. 

Now, I'm no stranger to speeding tickets.  I have had my share in my day.  More than my share.  But that was back when I was dumb!  I'm not dumb anymore, officer!  Obviously I am.  He asked me if I knew why he pulled me over.  I spoke honestly, told him I had no idea and that I was on my phone.  Haha  My husband said that I should not have said that.  Whatever.  I guess I was going a little fast.  38 in a 25.  Ooops.  I thought I'd get out of the ticket.  I didn't.  $120.  What do you think of that Dave Ramsey?  Your little student here really screwed up this time.  I get court supervision and it won't go on my record.  But it still just makes me feel like a criminal.  It's a terrible feeling.  I tried to pay the ticket online when I got home but it's not registered yet, so I can't pay it.

I finally get to KG and at this point, I'm just so ready to get my baby and hold her and just melt into her.  Well, that's not really how it goes.  D tells me that she's been having crying  fits and been super clingy and just off today.  I'm guessing teething.  It's always something!  Always.  So she goes to get her up (she's always napping when I pick her up) and I'm waiting with open arms for her at the door and what does she do?  Runs for D's dog.  Hey, nice to see you too!  Remember me?!  I GAVE BIRTH to you?!  I rank right below the dog.  Nice. 

This day just gets better and better.

So we get home.  She cried most of the way.  It was lovely.

I tell the husband to grab sour cream at the store on his way home so that I can make the chicken noodle casserole for dinner.

He gets home an hour later.  With cream cheese.

Ahhhhh, check please!

This one is for you

I have someone in my life that I love so very dearly. This morning as I was driving the commute to class, I was listening to K Love and crying happy tears.  The music just has it's way with me....  Just me and my thoughts and prayers.  Today, this song came on.  And while I have heard it before, today I was thinking of this dear friend, and just felt that it was being sung for her.  She remains nameless, but I think she knows who she is.  This is for you.

Is it Friday yet?

I missed my blog.  I had a to-do list a mile long for today and I told myself that I had to find a few minutes somewhere in the day to check in and see what was going on out here in blog world.  I literally have only a few minutes.  K is down for a late afternoon nap.  The husband will be walking in the door at any minute.  Dinner is still hiding in the freezer somewhere.  But, the to-do list is dwindling away. 

Such a beautiful day!

KG was in the most amazing mood.  She woke up so happy.  We played with the new toys that she got over the weekend from her Nonie and Papa.  She got a tea set and a new piano.  She poured the tea so delicately and then brought me a cup and a spoon.  Ahhhhhh, I love having a little girl.  She's such a princess.  At her nap time, she went down without a fuss and slept for.......  wait for it..........  THREE HOURS.  Thankyouverymuch.  She knew how much homework I had today.  It was so great.  I missed her immensely, but I loved getting my homework done.

We had to run a couple of errands as well.  Back to Kinkos for more copies and then to Walmart for some lesson supplies.  The sun was shining and she was so happy.  Glorious day.

This weekend flew by so fast.  We were being helpful servants.  My bestie moved into her new apartment in the city.  Oooh, so jealous.  I mean, would you look at her view from her balcony?!

I mean, I could never swing this lifestyle now....with a child and husband (a husband who is terrified of the city) but if I could go back in time.....I would so love to live in the city.  Just to try it for a week or two.  Or three or four.  But, I am happy to say that I now can live vicariously through her.  If she'll let me.  KG and I will have to visit her lots this summer.

Mom was able to come and stay with us after her work meetings in the city.  She stayed over Friday and then watched KG while we helped DL move on Saturday.  So then Saturday night we drove mom home and stayed at her house Saturday night.  It's been cra-zy.

And because of midterms at school, the work load has been insane.  I have had to stay up till 2-3 in the morning just to get homework done while the rest of the house sleeps.  It's impossible to get quiet time with a toddler.  And a husband.  They refuse to let me work.

Probably why I feel so hopped up right now.....no sleep and a steady diet of crap food to keep me going.

Tomorrow I teach a lesson on renewable and nonrenewable resources.  Say a prayer for me.  Lord knows I'm going to need it!

Death By Homework

I'm just kind of having a hard time lately.  I'm back to my feelings of overwhelming doom and gloom.  That spring break was not good for me.  It allowed me to lose focus on my school and really only made things worse, for me, anyway.  I feel more behind even though I tried to work ahead.

It doesn't help that I got sick on Wednesday and am still suffering from a sore throat and no voice.  I was supposed to teach yesterday and ended up not able to due to no voice.  So that just adds to my feelings of being overwhelmed.  I'm just ready for us all to be healthy.  It's been a rough winter.  KG has had croup, which I'm still unsure if I agree with that....she only had the "bark" cough for about 12 hours.  So, whatever.  We gave her the two doses of prednizone (sp?) and she was fine.  She was up coughing all night though, and despite us trying to wake her up to get a drink, she wouldn't have it.  She was exhausted.  So we put her cool mist vaporizer close to her bed and it calmed the coughing.  But neither the husband nor I slept last night.  She's coughing, I'm coughing.  I still have no voice. 

It's hard to be happy and chipper when you're not feeling well.

The semester is getting closer to the end, which is good but bad.  I'm ready to put this semester behind me, but I've got SO MUCH work left to do!  Seeing May 5 approaching so quickly is freaking me out.  I scheduled for KG to start going to day care for half days on Fridays to give me an afternoon to work on homework.  Hopefully that helps.

Do you ever feel like you just go and go and go and go and never get a break?  That's how life has been lately.  And I guess we do it to ourselves.  We make the plans.  We do our own schedules!  Well, mom is in the city this week for work....and instead of going home on the train on Friday, I offered to pick her up, bring her here and then drive her the 4 hour drive home on Saturday.  Ugh.  Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to have her come over.  She's not been to our new place yet, and we do need a sitter on Saturday morning while we help my bestie move (into her new city apartment, which I'm so jealous).  But this weekend could have been prime homework time that won't happen.  I mean, I guess I can study at her house on Saturday night.  It'll be okay.

I need to get off the pity pot.  For real.

On the other hand, there are some really good things happening in our life right now.  And I give all the thanks to God and prayer.  Since joining Church ABC, our lives are so much richer....have so much more meaning.....and dare I say that I feel more peace?  Yes, despite this overwhelming feeling of death by homework, I feel peace.  The husband and I aren't arguing as much, we aren't stressing over the little things as much, and the mood in our home is just softer.  If that makes sense.  It's an amazing thing.  I just can't help but to look forward to the future.  The closer we become to God and the more power of prayer that we find in our life.....there is no limit to the goodness!

The tent came and went in the same night.  Seems that the princess
wants to play on top of it instead of under it.  Such a climber!

The ABCs of Me!

For my 200th post, I wanted to do something different....and I got a great idea from one of my favorite bloggers, LAH, over at Diving Into Love.  So here it goes....

A. Age: 32 (ugh...how *did* that happen!?)

B. Bed size: Queen...and thinking about upgrading to a king.

C. Chore you dislike: Bathrooms.  Ick.   

D. Dogs: Lucy.  And she's more than enough.

E. Essential start to your day: Coffee.

F. Favorite color: pink

G. Gold or silver: Silver.

H. Height: 5'5"

I. Instruments you play(ed): Notta.  Took piano lessons but gave up before I learned much of anything.

J. Job title: mom and student

K. Kids: Just one!  The most beautiful little girl, KG!

L. Live: Chicago-land

M. Mom’s name: Joyce

N. Nicknames: Don't think I really have one.  Maybe "Mama"

O. Overnight hospital stays: Once for an unidentified virus I got from working in a daycare, gall bladder complications, several preterm issues, then 10 nights when KG was in the NICU.   I think I've done my share. 

P. Pet peeves: stupidity, slow drivers, big egos

Q. Quote from a movie: There's no place like home...

R. Righty or lefty: Righty

S. Siblings: Older brother, younger brother, step-sister and step-brother

T. Time you wake up: 6:00 on MWF and 4:30 on Tues and Thurs

U. Underwear:  VS, and it's time for a new underwear wardrobe

V. Vegetables you don’t like: I love them all.

W.What makes you run late: Life.  I can't seem to be on time for anything (except school).

X. X-rays you’ve had: teeth, back......can't think of others.

Y. Yummy food you make: Chicken and rice casserole, chicken and noodle casserole, meatloaf

Z. Zoo animal favorites: giraffe

No clue why the spacing is whack on this post.  My apologies.

A blessing to you

To you, from me, an Irish blessing for St. Patrick's Day 2011...

A Blessing

May the light of your soul guide you.
May the light of your soul bless the work that you do
with the secret love and warmth of your heart.
May you see in what you do the beauty of your own soul.
May the sacredness of your work bring healing, light
and renewal to those who work with you
and to those who see and receive your work.
May your work never weary you.
May it release within you wellsprings of
refreshment, inspiration and excitement.
May you be present in what you do.
May you never become lost in bland absences.
May the day never burden.
May dawn find you awake and alert,
approaching your new day with dreams, possibilities and promises.
May evening find you gracious and fulfilled.
May you go into the night blessed, sheltered and protected.
May your soul calm, console and renew you.

Hippity, Hoppity Easter's On It's Way...

It sure would be easy to find me in dark alley.  Just follow the trail of snotty kleenex.  I came down with a cold yesterday morning and it is *totally* kicking my butt.  Bad.  And this morning, my dear KG Layne is showing symptoms.  Complete with the dried crusty booger nose that I swore *my child* would never have.  But she is serious about not wanting me to clean it.  So much so, that she'll throw herself on the floor and scream bloody murder if I try. 

So, I give in.  I let her walk around with the crusty nose knowing that it's on at bath time.  It's me against the nose.  I will win.  I promise you.

Luckily, we're not having to leave the house unless we want to today.  I cancelled her half day at day care so that we didn't share the nasty crusty nose love with her (day care lady's) two boys.  I'm most likely not going to feel up to doing homework today anyway, so I might as well keep my whiney girl with me.  Plus, today is the first day in the 70s since October so we may pack a few boxes of kleenex and head outside to play. 

Despite my sickly state, I was able to find KG's Easter dress.  Last night I could not sleep due to lack of breathing through my nose, so I sat in bed with the ipod touch and shopped for every Easter dress I could find.  Wouldn't you know it, I couldn't find one that I liked better than the first one I found.  So I excitedly woke up my husband (he wasn't nearly as excited) and asked for his opinion.  He agreed that it was perfect, he chose pink and the lamb pattern on the smocking and that was that.  That was easy!  Usually he'll not agree with my choice.  Maybe it was because I woke him to discuss it.  He would have agreed to anything to make me shut up.  :)

So, here it is.  The Easter dress for 2011.

And with help from a Facebook friend, I found the shoes that should match perfectly.  Yes, I am excited.  Very excited.  Can you tell?  For myself, I have no idea what I'm going to wear.  Normally, the way it works for us is that Kin will be perfect head to toe, and mommy is in jeans and a hoodie.  That's life.  Although, this year, I'd like to put some extra effort into it and try to find myself something to wear as well.  If I could drop 5 pounds, I have an outfit that would work.  I wore it to her baptism.  And since I splurged on the Easter dress, I should probably wear something from my closet, right?

So, if you're in love with the dress as much as I am, visit Oodles and Doodles on Etsy.com and tell her that I sent you.  (Disclaimer:  I found this shop by my own searching and am only giving the link love because I love the dress, not for compensation of any sort.)

Easter 2010

The dress will match her Easter Basket perfectly too.  I can't even tell you how excited I am for her to look for eggs this year.  Okay, so I know that she probably won't "hunt" for eggs, but she can run around and pretend to!  And daddy loves to help her (and eat the candy) so I'm sure this will be a fun Easter for us!

Cry Baby

Today is starting to be one of those days where I would swear that Kinley hates me.  Ugh.  She's been fighting sleep for two days.  Screaming, not crying, SCREAMING when we try to put her to bed.  And when she finally gives in and falls asleep, two hours later, she picks up where she left off.

I've not slept much the last couple of days.

And I'm wondering if she hates me.  If she gets some sort of gratification by seeing me as a walking zombie. 

Of course she doesn't.

But man, sometimes it feels like it.

She's hanging on my legs right now while I'm trying to pretend I'm on a "real" spring break.  Sitting in my lounger, soaking up the rays, getting a nice sunburn (I really don't tan) and ordering a nice, cold drink from the lovely cabana boy.

Yes, this is where I'm at. 

Okay, back to reality.  I'm no where near that....but wouldn't it be nice?!  I foolishly made my list of things that I want to accomplish on my spring break and so far, I've done maybe half of one....that being cleaning/organizing my house. 

Today, Kinley is supposed to go to day care for a half day to allow me to work on homework, but with the way she's acting, I'm not sure it's going to happen.  I woke up with that ick, sick feeling in my throat and I'm wondering if maybe she's not feeling well either.  It would only make sense.  That would be my luck!  A sick baby over my spring break.

And you know how I said that we began the weaning process?  Yeah, I nursed her last night AND this morning.  Ladies, it was an act of DESPERATION.  Any other nursing momma understands this:  Nursing heals all.  Nursing calms a fussy baby.  Nursing puts a sick baby to sleep.  Nursing makes all things right in their world.  I was desperate and knew that I was one step away from losing my mind.  So I did it.  I lifted my shirt and let her nurse.  Ugh.

My husband was so disappointed in me.  He reminds me all the time that she's too big to nurse.  I understand that.  But he doesn't understand the desperation of feeling defeated.  She doesn't hang on his legs.  She doesn't cry and whine and tug on his shirt.  So call me a failure.  I call it a slow process.  We are weaning.  But it's going to be on our own pace.  No one else can judge if they haven't been there/done that.  Easy to say to "just stop."  Yeah, easy to say. 

I watched The Bachelor last night and Emily accepted the proposal!  Just what I wanted to see happen!  I thought that they would be so happy.  And then......After the Final Rose came on and the Emily that I saw on there was totally not the Emily we "came to know" on the show.  She was cold and just not happy.  I'm not one to judge because what we see on TV is so not their reality but I'd say he messed up pretty bad for her to turn around like that.  Honestly, I don't see a wedding in their future.  I hope I'm wrong.  But, did you see her new hair?!  Love it.  I'm so wanting to color mine a blonde color.  Totally. Ashley H., the new bachelorette, totally not liking her new color and bangs.  But I didn't see her on Jimmy Kimmel last night, so maybe it looked better than at the Women Tell All show.  I'll have to youtube it.

I guess I need to get started on my day.  Kinley put herself to sleep (hallelujah).  Shower and get her stuff ready for day care!

Monday Mash

I'm glad that I did the Weekend Warriors post on Friday.  It allows me to look back and see what great intentions I had for this weekend!  Intentions.  I think that only one thing that I said that we were going to do, happened.  And that, my friends, was Kinley's 15 month appointment and shots.  I tried to avoid them, and I did one of them, but the other three, I couldn't avoid.  Grrrr.  The appointment left me uneasy.  Normally, I walk out of the appointments even more in love with our pediatrician than I was when I walked in.  Not this time.

There were several things that left a bad taste in my mouth, not literally.  When we first met her and interviewed with her, she was super flexible about vaccinations and even sided with me on many views about not doing certain vacs.  It was almost like she changed her mind or changed her views about them at our appointment.  She talked about the amount of immigrants coming into our area and how important these shots are...blah, blah, blah. 

Now, I understand that.  I'm not stupid.

But I also feel that doing too many vaccinations at one time is not healthy. 

Because the whole vaccinating your child issue is so controversial, I try not to get in to it much publicly here.  Because I'm not wanting my blog to become some forum for argument and drama.  But I have different views than the norm when it comes to my daughter. 

Despite me not wanting shots on Saturday, we walked out with three.  Way more than I was comfortable with.  And the worst part, is that it was me vs. my husband and pediatrician.  I didn't stand a chance--aside from grabbing Kinley and running out.

The doctor also gave me a lecture on addressing Kinley's behavior.  She thinks knows that I have zero discipline with Kinley.  She's the boss.  It's no secret.  On the order of hierarchy in our house, she's on top.  And well, we know that it's wrong and we don't want to live like that.  It just happened.  It happens when you worship and cherish every breath she takes.  We still see her as our tiny baby.  And truth be told, she's not.  She is a toddler who understands what we say and what we want from her.  We're allowing her to walk all over us.  And politely said, Dr. N told us that we either get her in check now, or we'll be in her office crying when she's three because she hits other children and disrespects us and other adults.

I get that.

But how do I change it?  Telling Kinley "no" has never been my strong point.  Heck, I breastfeed a 15 month old!  Obviously, I can't tell her no.  So she told me to read this book, 1-2-3 Magic, by Phelan.  And she says it will help me.  I need the help.  Because most of all, what my husband and I want, is a respectful child.  That is so important to us.  And to know that she's being taught that it's okay to disrespect us, and adults in general, is not okay.

So on Sunday, we practiced all day to begin treating her like the "big girl" that she's becoming.  Dr. N assured us that Kinley knows what we're saying.  And I think she's right.  It was amazing to see how much she understood and how independently she can think and react when Mommy isn't rushing in to the rescue.  It's a process and this is only the beginning, but isn't that what parenting is about?

I stopped nursing her yesterday.  I chose that as our day to be done.  Was it easy?  HECK NO.  Does she still ask to nurse?  Yes.  Often?  No.  When she's restless or tired, she puts her pacifier into my hand and rubs her face into my chest.  *insert heart break here*

But I tell her that nursie is for babies and that she is a big girl now.  So I offer her a milk sippy.  She's not in love with milk, but she'll sip on it.  Dr. N told us to get 2% organic with DHA added.  So that's where we start.  Hopefully she'll like it more as time goes on. 

This parenting stuff is hard.  I had no idea what I was getting myself in to....that's for sure.

The stupid shots (my tantrum) gave her a crazy fever Saturday night.  She went to bed at like 6 and slept till 6.  That was kind of nice for us, we actually watched TWO--2! movies on Saturday.  We haven't been able to do that since before I was pregnant.  (I was always so tired in my pregnancy, TV put me to sleep)  We had an unhealthy dinner in front of the TV and vegged.  It was so nice.  Mommy and Daddy needed that.  But we had to miss our dinner plans.....thank God for rain checks.

On Sunday morning, we were able to go to Church ABC.  We even made it to the 9 a.m. service!  So, okay, I guess I completed two of my Weekend Warrior tasks.  We were a few minutes late, but we made it.  And agreed that going early was a better fit for us.  Not only were we able to get motivated earlier but we got so much more out of our day!  We went to church and got our errands run before noon!  That was nice.

Church was amazing this week, again.  How is it that I hear exactly what I need to hear every week that I go?!  It's almost like they call me and say, "hey, what would you like us to talk about this week?"  No joke...that's how it feels.  And on our way home from church, my husband always asks, "so, what did you get from today's service" and we have the best discussions on the way home. I love Sundays.

We had to buy a new kitchen table this weekend, well, we ordered it.  I sold our table on Craigslist thinking that we'd find another one with no problem.  Yeah, not so much.  Our apartment is so much smaller than the town house (but I'm so much happier here, so much happier) and our dining "area" is tiny.  So our table just overpowered the space.  It fit....but with a huge highchair, it was just not working.  So we got a cheap, smaller, nice table set.  I was starting to enjoy eating on the couch, but my husband reminded me that we always said family style dinners would be a rule in our house with our family.  Ummmmmm, oh yeah.  Okay, I give.  He's right.  In a few days, the table will be here and we'll be back to family style. 

And since this blog is about fifty different things already, what is one more?  Finances.  I consider myself a Dave Ramsey fan.  A big fan, as a matter of fact.  Not only because his Financial Peace University is pretty awesome....but because I give him credit for making me a changed person.  I have really learned how to simplify and it's not only a financial change, but a personal change as well.  I've been able to let go of some really tedious, small things that used to bog me down.  It's very free-ing.  That make sense?  But since moving and trying to get settled in, I've lost my handle on our finances.  I have no idea what is coming in/going out and I'm starting to feel the anxiety from it.  I got to the point of knowing where each dollar went and who it went to....and right now, to be honest, I don't have a clue.  I couldn't even tell you what we have in our account.  No joke.  And that, gives me anxiety.  Life has been so hectic.  Moving, settling, school, baby toddler, life.  It all got in the way and I lost control.  I admit it. 

Spring break is this week.  I'm on it RIGHT NOW.  This very second.  So, my goals for spring break are as follows:

1. Get a grasp on our finances and budget.  This will be hard because I don't really know our bills right now.  New apartment, new utilities.  No clue how to budget for that yet.
2. Work ahead on my lesson plans.  I hope to get at least three written.
3. Finish one project for my other class--writing a model college level exam.  (barf)
4. Get our apartment cleaned and resembling some sort of organization.  Back to Goodwill I go with yet another donation.  We've donated SO MUCH stuff since the move....and we're not even close to being done.  Next year's tax write off will be soooo sweet.

I think I'll be so much more relaxed if I can accomplish those four things.  That's not asking too much of myself, right?

I guess I should be taking advantage of Kinley still being asleep and get started on my list.  That would be the smart thing to do.

Her accessories not only include her beloved necklace,
but now she insists on wearing bells on her ankle.
She is such a beautiful personality.
Yes, her hair is a mess, I'm aware.  But I refuse
to cut it.

Chow Time

I have posted this enough of my facebook, that I feel bad asking for ideas again....but I'm back in the same boat as I was a month or so again.

I'm out of breakfast/lunch ideas for Kinley.

Since I have a week "off" from school, I want to make some meals for her and freeze them for easier planning later.

She's becoming a picky eater and that is the one thing that we did not want.  This is what she eats now:

Breakfast:
Scrambled Eggs with cheese
Fruit oatmeal
Yogurt
Peanut Butter toast (that is hit and miss)
Mini Muffins
Cheerios
Trix

Lunch:
Ravioli
Chicken Nuggets
French Fries
Hot dog (hit and miss)
Hamburger Helper (made with turkey)
Stroganoff
Chicken Noodle casserole
Chicken and Rice
Noodles with sauce (those Lipton bag things)

Vegetables:
Green beans
Peas
Broccoli
Cauliflower
Carrots (sometimes)
Mashed Potatoes
Sweet potatoes

Snacks:
Goldfish
Graham crackers
Club crackers
Ritz
Puff corn
Cheese
Animal Crackers

Fruits:
(I've yet to find one that she doesn't like, but our these are the norms in our house)
Banana
Kiwi
Mandarins
Grapes
Mango

What she used to eat but won't touch today:
Grilled Cheese
Toast

So help me....what can I add to her diet?  I know that I'm not being healthy enough with her meal planning and I want to be better.  We're also going to introduce whole milk to her this weekend.  In hopes that we're at the end of our nursing and ready to go to real milk.  We've let her taste milk before and it's not gone well....so this probably won't be a big hit.  But we're going to try.

Leave me a comment if you have some ideas for me to try!

Weekend Warriors

Finally, back to my Weekend Warriors posting!

But first, let me say that the people in Japan are in my prayers. They need your prayers right now. So very sad. The people in Hawaii and all affected areas from the Tsunami are also in my thoughts and prayers this morning.

Almost makes my Weekend Warrior post seem out of place. I thank God that I am able to have a nice weekend to look forward to and enjoy.

This weekend, we're:

• Taking Kinley to her 15 month appointment on Saturday morning.  I'm so excited to see her height and weight developments.  That is my favorite part of her milestone appointments.  At one year, she was 27 and three quarters inches tall (the 13th percentile) and she was 19lbs 7 oz. (the 25th percentile) and her head was 17.75 cm, which is the 50th percentile.  So I'm excited to see how much she's grown.  She's also due for some immunizations....but those who know me and have been reading for a while know that I don't follow the normal schedule for immunizations and am still indecisive about how I'm going to approach that.  I dodged them at her 12 month appointment, so we'll see what her doctor thinks this time around.  The dreaded MMR is due at this appointment but her doctor and I both agree that it needs to wait until at least her 2 year appointment, if not longer.  But that's for another post.
• Depending on the whole immunization situation, we are going to take Kinley to play at the park (if it's nice) or this new place that her day care lady (Ugh, I hate calling her that) told us about.  I am so super excited to take her.  And, daddy took Saturday off this week to be with us at her appointment, so he'll get to go play too!  I pray that if she does have to get a shot, that she's feeling well enough to go and have some fun.
• Saturday morning is a huge consignment sale in the Chicago-area and they have some really, really, really nice stuff for pretty cheap.  So I'm hoping to get to go there before her appointment on Saturday.  We've been buying 18 month clothes for her summer wardrobe and it appears that she's not going to be able to use them.  She' still too small for her 12 month stuff....so I could use a nice sale to get her a 12 month summer wardrobe!
• Saturday evening (again, depending on Kinley's shots and her reactions to them if she does get them) we are supposed to go for Mexican with a good friend of mine...he's more like a big brother than my friend (Hi, Tom!), but we haven't seen him in a while.  I hope that we'll be able to go.
• On Sunday, we're going to Church ABC and I am so excited.  We had to miss last Sunday because my husband woke up not feeling so hot.  I was  bummed.  I think we're going to try and go to the earlier service if possible.  We normally go at 11 and we're hoping to try the 9:00 service.  We'll see if we can get motivated and out of the apartment that early.  Despite Kinley waking at 6-7, we like to be lazy and tend to not get on the ball with her bath, our showers, etc.
• Sunday afternoon, we're doing our weekly grocery shopping and enjoying family time! 

So......what are YOU doing this weekend?  Take my button on the right and let me know!

Listen to me

I know that music on a blog is a touchy thing....some hate it, some love it.  I, personally, love it.  I don't have "background" music on here for the above reason, but music is so important to me and totally moves me.  And I mentioned before of my newly found station that I adore...the music played there (they also play it at Church ABC) moves me more than anything I've ever heard before.  So, while not everyone likes that style of music, this post may not be for you.

But, if you're bored, have some headphones hooked up, and want to hear a few songs that I'm totally in love with these days....take a listen.

Thinga-ma what?

Maybe I'm over-thinking this, as it wouldn't be the first time I've done such a thing--I consider myself rather good at over-thinking or over-analyzing things--but is anyone else totally not a fan of the Cat in the Hat cartoon on PBS?  It just straight up freaks me out.  For two reasons....

1.  He invites the kids on these crazy adventures and then says, "your mother won't mind at all if you do...."

So, let's just say that some stranger danger comes up to a young child in a mall or playground or store....then offers that child a crazy adventure.  Then he/she (stranger danger) says to your child, "Your mother won't mind at all if you do!"  Ummmm, creepy. Yeah.  Cause the child would totally relate it to the Cat in the Hat and think that if they go, they'll get to do some crazy fun thing....

2.  Thing 1 and Thing 2

Does anyone else see them as modern day slaves?  From what I've seen of them on the episodes that I've had the displeasure of hearing in the background of our home...it seems that The Cat uses them as his slaves--to do his dirty work.  Of course, children don't understand slaves or servants but aren't they seeing these different characters being forced to ride in the back of the Cat-mobile (I actually think it's call a thing-a-majig) and then called to duty when The Cat summons them?

I'm sure there are more things that I could ramble about that make me totally despise this cartoon but those two things stand out in my mind.  It just straight creeps me out.  I find that it's on so often on the PBS line-up and I'd so like to write to them and tell them to take it off...but they wouldn't listen to me.  I can just do what I can in our home, and that is to be sure that my Kinley-bug doesn't watch it. 

It's sad, because the book is so cute.  And I'm a big fan of Dr. Seuss, in general.  But the cartoon, two thumbs down from this mommy.

It's in the bag

I totally fret over the little things....it's just what I do.  And this "Culture Bag" activity has been a big weight on my mind.  I wanted to do it just right.  I wanted to be accurate and right on.  Why?  Because that's just me.  That's how I am.  I obsess over everything.

So while I initially thought I would focus on my own values and beliefs that my parents instilled (is that a word?  is it even spelled right?), I decided to focus on my own parenting.  What am I hoping to show Kinley and how will I teach her?  I thought about it for a few days, and finally today, a few hours before having to leave for class....the assignment is complete.  Whew!

My bag contains:  her pajamas, her baptism bonnet, her library card and a bank envelope.

Her pajamas because in our family, "jammie time" is one of the most important times of day.  We make a big deal about her bedtime routine.  We have her bath, lotion time, jammie time, and then family time.  We rock, sing, cuddle.  And then she says her prayers and goes to bed.  Cherished time.  The pajamas represent the value of family. 

Her bonnet represents our faith in God.  We hope to teach her that God is first.

Her first library card because we value education and lifelong learning.

And the bank envelope because we want to teach her the value of a dollar.  We want to teach her that saving is super important and we take her with us and let her hand the money over to put into her savings.  We make a big deal out of that as well.

So there you have it.  I feel such relief.

Imageless So What Wednesday

Today, I'm saying So What--

So What if:

Our new apartment has zero organization going on.  Despite my weird tick that I've developed from the mess....I'm getting used to it and realizing that I like my time spent on homework or family more than I like my time spent on clearing the clutter.  It'll wait for me.

We sold our -too big for our new apartment- kitchen table and have yet to find a new one.  Our coffee table is a lift top and we pull Kinley's highchair up to it and eat in the living room.  It works.

I look forward to spending my spring break next week doing homework.  I scheduled for Kinley to go to day care for two half days so that I can do nothing but homework....and I'm so excited for the uninterrupted time.

The people at Fed Ex Office --formerly known as Kinkos-- know me by name.  I love making my lesson plans perfect and hire the "professionals" to make them look perfect.

Today I'm choosing to be lazy and go to class in my lounge clothes.  Sue me.

I think he's ill..

We were walking around in Barnes & Noble the other day and casually, my husband says, "I want another baby."

Haha, yeah.....sure you do.

And then the next day, Kinley was displaying the best of her toddler ability at making our life as crazy as she possibly could.....

And he retracted his statement.  Thank God.

Dunce.

I feel like a real poopy-head.  I really do.  If you're my "friend" on facebook, you may have seen my big old goof of "replying all" when being all catty to my professors assistant when I wasn't informed of a class cancellation and drove an hour and twenty minutes ONE WAY to get to class--as well as paid a babysitter to watch Kinley so that I could go to class.....

So I sent this email....and I guess it wasn't terribly mean, but it was attitude-ful.  Yes, that's now a word.  I got the email from my "smart" phone when I was standing in front of the classroom door, reading the sharpie marker'd sign saying that class was cancelled.  I don't have an Iphone, or any phone that notifies me of new emails.  I have to go old school and check my emails via a browser that only works sometimes.  It's not even right to call it a "smart" phone, hence the " ". 

The cancellation email was sent 15 minutes after I left to drop Kinley off at day care.  So, obviously, I didn't get it.  Until I physically checked my email, through the browser on my stupid phone.  Oh, there it was.  So in my fit of anger, I-all snippy-like-emailed the assistant back saying that a phone call, or an earlier email, would have been nice. 

Gas is almost $4 a gallon now, day care isn't cheap, my time is SUPER valuable.....so much was lost that day.  Okay, so that's a bit dramatic.  Sue me.

Off goes my super snippy email. 

I felt so much better, after all, I showed her!  I even clicked "reply all" on my message so that the CC  portion of the email (which I saw had my prof's email on there) would get my message to see how upset I was by this miscommunication.

Ten minutes later, I'm standing in admissions processing checking on a lost transcript (that I found out was not lost after all, they just have zero organizational skills and didn't know where to find it!) I checked my email, through my slow browser on my dumb phone, to see if the assistant decided to email me back an apology. 

Hmmmmm, why did I get my own message?  It was sent from me, to me.......

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

JOY!!!  YOU CLICKED REPLY ALL!!!!! 

And yes, I was saying this out loud.  And the admissions processing ladies were just looking at me like I was an idiot.  Because, ladies and gents, I am an IDIOT.

So, I looked at the "Sent To" area of the message and see that not only did the assistant get my message, my prof got my message too (I showed her!).....but so did BOTH sections that my prof taught that day.  Yeah.  There you go.  I showed them. 

I wanted to beat my head against the wall.

Didn't feel like such a hot pants then, did you Joy?!  You showed them. 

No, you showed yourself how texting/emailing should be disabled when you're mad/sad/emotional.

Oh well, what can I do about it now?

Finally, I got a message from the assistant.

Here is the kicker:  She called the number on file for me....before noon (before I left for class).  But it was disconnected. 

Why was it disconnected, Joy?  Well....because WE MOVED that weekend!  The number was disconnected because we MOVED and decided against a home phone at our new place.  GRRRR.  And I forgot to update my records with the university.

So this was ALL my fault and I took it out on everyone else.

Yes, my friends, I was a huge fail.

And to make matters worse, my prof cancelled class late notice because she got into an accident on the way to school.  And was in the ER all night.
HUGE FAIL.  Such a jerk.  I am SUCH a jerk.

I sent an email to both the assistant and the prof apologizing. 

But how do you apologize enough to make them forget what an IDIOT you were. 

My classmates probably laughed at what a fool I was...but I deserve that. 

Lesson learned.  Big time. 

So that story was totally not the point of this blog....I ramble too much.

This professor assigned a project to us.  We are to find four objects (not pictures) that represent the values, beliefs or attitudes that I was taught when growing up.  Now, initially, I misunderstood the project.  Initially I thought that I was supposed to bring four objects that reminded me of growing up.  That was easy.  I had it all ready to go.  It was sunglasses, a fishing lure, a dime and a baseball. 

But now that I really read the assignment, I see that I'm sooo far off base with what I'm supposed to be doing.  But I also read that it can be what we were taught growing up or what we're teaching our own children.  I think I'll do the second. 

Basically, because I really can't think of anything from when I was growing up.  How sad, right?  I thought about throwing the assignment at my mom...asking her what she felt she instilled in her family as far as values and beliefs go....but that would be weird for me.  We all know that our family was dysfunctional....why call attention to it.....right?  But maybe I should.  Maybe it would open up an opportunity to discuss it....

It's always easier to brush it under the rug and just move along....

The values and beliefs that I want to instill in Kinley are so easy.  They are written in her baby book on the first few pages.  Her dad and I sat down one night a few weeks before she was born and wrote them all down for her to always remember.

To be healthy.
To feel true happiness.
To be confident.
To know that family is always first.
We wish for her to be successful in all of her endeavors.
We hope for her to be kind-hearted and self-less.
We wish for her to know her own self worth and respect herself.
We hope for her to always respect her elders.
We wish for her to know that she can always come to us, regardless of her situation.

I think that as she grows, the list may grow.  But really, those are our wishes for our daughter.  So finding four symbols that reflect some of those things, may be quite easy. 

What would your four symbols be for this assignment?

So sweet, gives me a cavity

Mac-N-Cheese is good for the hair!



Waiting for daddy to get home.

Obviously, this bear was trespassing on her farm.  It was ordered by the
queen for his legs to be cut off--guillotine style.

Stickers are her new thing.  She puts them in her hair.





Biceps to make the men jealous

Today has kicked my butt!  I think that I always say that, no?  But really, today has.  I sometimes worry that I'm going to get biceps the size of ummmm, Hulk Hogan.  I couldn't think of anyone else with huge biceps.  Well, that I could spell anyway. To be honest, Schwartzenager came to mind first, but I knew I couldn't spell his name without the help of google, and I'm just not that motivated right now.  So yeah, I'm worried about getting biceps the size of Hulk Hogan.  Is that even his name?  Okay, now I have to google it to see....cause I'm feeling all insecure about being wrong.  Grrr.

And, I was right.  Indeed it is, Hulk Hogan.  And apparently, I'm afraid of looking like this.  Why?  Well, because my daughter is an absolute terror in libraries.  She's a monkey.  Yes, half baby, half monkey.  She climbs on the shelves, over benches, THROUGH the shelf racks to get to the next aisle.  Ugh.

I was just trying to pick up a few books about George Washington....and good thing I was "shopping" in the children's section, because the library workers were entertained by my monkey child's antics.  They thought she was the cutest thing.  And well, she is, I know.  But that's not the point. 

Here I am struggling--STRUGGLING--with her coat (because she just had to make herself at home and take it off), my coat, her diaper bag (I only carried it to hold books.  We're totally over the whole diaper bag scene.), the books that I wanted to browse before committing to borrowing.  And all of this while trying to chase Kinley.  Sooooo fun.  Let me tell you.

I grabbed every Washington book I could in one big swoop and grabbed Kinley with the other arm, grabbed the diaper bag (with our two coats--because I had now taken mine off due to the sweating that was happening from chasing the toddler monkey) with one finger and ran over to the "baby corral" area with all of the fun board books and toys, etc for monkeys babies like mine. 

I put her down in the area, which is two deep steps down, to keep them confined......right?  yeah.  You know how well that worked.  So I worked as fast as I could, decided to just choose three and make them work. 

Carried her to the check out computer, fought with her while I was scanning, rescanning, scanning again.....the stupid thing wouldn't accept my card!  Oooooh, the nice library lady said, your card must not be activated yet since you just signed up.  My hair was all a mess, I was breaking a sweat, my pants were starting to fall down to where I looked like I was one of those kids who like for my underwear to stick out of their pants.....only thing was, my underwear was falling down WITH my pants because for some reason, they just don't fit the same as they did pre-baby.  Ugh.  TMI.  I know.  But you see my frustration.

So now that my card ISN'T activated, I grab the monkey, the books, the bag, the coats and go back upstairs to the circulation desk to see what was the problem.  Ooops, they forgot to click something to activate.  I smiled.  With my saggy bottom jeans--not apple bottom.  Kinley was riding my hip and contorting her body into any imaginable position to make it as "easy" on me as she could.  Eventually, I gave in, set her down (while the nice lady checked out my three Washington books) and Kinley immediately ran to the stairs--she was going up.

When the lady finished, I grabbed my books, grabbed my kid, grabbed our bag, grabbed our coats and out the door we went.

Hence, why I feel I may soon look like Hulk.  My arms ached when we got back to the car. 

My heart.

I think that this was the day after we moved in. 

Her room was the first to get "set up" into a workable environment.  It's still no where close to being done.  But it's good enough for right now. 

She was carrying around her BFF, as she always does, and I thought there would be no harm in letting her free roam. 
Twenty minutes later, I had a nice dusting of goldfish throughout our apartment.  And unfortunately, this particular day, my husband had Lucy with him at the townhouse doing last minute touch-ups. 

So, the goldfish remained until Lucy got home and gladly helped with the mess.

I think that Kinley thoroughly enjoys her room.  She definitely knows that it's hers and she loves to play with her toys in her room.  We had the bright idea to keep all of her messy (aka: million pieces) toys in her room so that our living room can look more like a family area and less like a toy box threw up. 

So far, it's working.  Rarely does she bring toys out of her room.  I mean, we kept a few toys in the living room and she'll play in there as well....but the majority of the mess is in her room.  Watching her playing in there makes her look like such a little girl and so far from the tiny baby that I had in my arms a year ago. 

She'll be 15 months next week.  Wow.  Fifteen months.

We're still nursing.  Only once, sometimes twice, a day.  And I can finally say that I'm ready to wean.  I just don't really know how.  I'm going to discuss it with her pediatrician next Saturday at her 15 month appointment.

She's so very girly.  She loves her necklace, she takes out her ponytails and puts the tiny rubber bands around her little fingers like rings.  She wears my scarf around her neck and loves to watch it train behind her.  She loves to play with my bottles of nail polish.  A princess.  A perfect little princess.  I can see her spending lots of time dressing up and wanting to try on make-up.  She is everything I ever wanted in a little girl--and more.

I put her on the scale yesterday, just to see if she had gained anything since her sick visit a few weeks ago.  Still holding strong at 19 pounds!  We'll see how close our scale is to the Dr.  She's so petite!  She has such tiny features but such a robust personality.  Can you tell that I'm in love?

She has surpassed walking and is now running down the hall and through the house.  Lucy doesn't stand a chance anymore. 

She is smart....so smart!  I asked her yesterday if she needed her diaper changed-she lifted her shirt, looked at her pants and walked to her room and sat on the floor by her wipes.  I couldn't believe it!  When she follows me to the bathroom, she sits on her little potty next to the big potty so that she can be like mommy.  Or at least that is what I tell myself.

My days fly by because they are filled with a curious tiny toddler that wants to discover all there is to know in this world.  But I wouldn't change it for anything.  She is my everything and I love her more than I ever knew possible.

A break from homework

I have been working my tail feathers off today. 

Yesterday, I taught my first math lesson to a group of kindergarten students.  I was so super nervous because of the four classmates that had already taught their first math, three didn't do as well as they had hoped.  You have to get at least a 75 or you don't pass the lesson.  So a lot of pressure, indeed.

I know that the prof is uber critical but I like to think of myself as up for the challenge.  So, I prepared and prepared and prepared some more.  And, just as I had hoped, my prof said, "That was a great lesson!"  Yippee!

I've not yet gotten my official grade for it yet, but I'll bet I got over the 75 hump that has been getting my classmates.

Today, I've been buried in a lesson plan on George Washington.  Talk about a tough topic for kindergarten!  I mean, how do you teach a kindergarten student about Washington and then even worse, how do you assess what they've learned after the lesson?  I managed to create a lesson, but we'll see what my social studies methods prof thinks of it after she reviews it.

I've been in such a funk lately.  Which is partly why I've not been around much.  Things are great at home, so I'm not sure what my problem is.  I guess I'm just ready for spring to get here.  I'll blame it on that anyway.  Hope that everyone is happy and healthy out here in blog world!