I sprung a leak

My intentions were to nurse for three months.  Then I said, okay, I survived that, so let's go to six months.  The six became nine, the nine twelve and here I sit looking at fifteen. 

I still had no real plan at weaning.  Even though I said that I would stop *no later* than 15 months (knowing that if she wanted to nurse till 24 months, I would do it).  That being said, I don't want you to think that our breastfeeding days are of her on the boob all day long.  From about twelve months on, it's been 2-3 times a day.  Occasionally a day would come that she'd nurse 4-5 but I've been an on demand nurser.  She gets it when she wants it.  Let's be honest.  She gets anything she wants, when she wants it.  She's my boss.

That being said, she's not asked to nurse since 6:00 last night.  I'm going on 24 hours of no nursing.  Today, my boobs have been about to burst.  I didn't put in nursing pads because, well, I haven't used them since she was a few months old.  I just didn't think about it.  (I don't even know where they are, to be honest.)  I had to leave class a little early today to pick her up from day care (since daddy couldn't and it's his normal day to do so) and on my way to get her my boobs hurt more and more and more.  Ugh.  I finally get to her and the minute I see her, my bra gets warm and wet and sooo gross.  Ugh.  I'm leaking.  So I sit and converse with the daycare lady for 15 minutes or so about Kinley's day and weaning and engorgement, etc and my bra just gets wetter and wetter.  So gross.

So now I'm home and Kinley still hasn't asked to nurse.  I know that if I offer it to her, she'll nurse.  But I'm kind of thinking that she's self-weaning.  And if I ask her to nurse, or remind her, that it'll be a step backwards in the direction we should be going.  Does that make sense?  I don't know what to do.

Part of me says to stick in a bra pad and just go with it.  But what if tomorrow she decides she wants to nurse and I've already started to dry up!?  Oh the stress.

Kinley has a new BFF.  My sister told us about these spill-proof snack cups, and I' had seen them before but forgotten about them.  Kinley loves to sit down and share her snack with Lucy, so I always give her some crackers in a bowl and let them share.  Not any more!  We got these nifty snack bowls at Tar-ghet (that French store around the corner) and Kinley is in love.  She carries one everywhere she goes.  And we've found that she loves Trix.  Yeah, that sugary cereal that has zero nutritional value.  Whatever, she likes it and she is the boss.  Remember?  So yeah, Kinley highly recommends the bowls.  Lucy, not so much.

Tonight we are going to our Dave Ramsey class.  We missed the last two.  Two weeks ago, we were all under the weather sick as all get out.  Then last week I was drowning in homework and couldn't take the two hour break to go to the class.  Ever feel like you've just totally disappointed someone and just feel terrible for it?  That's how I'm feeling lately about Church ABC.  We've totally dropped the ball.  We've not been to church in two weeks and all functions that we've signed up for have been lost in the mix too.  I feel SO BAD.  Not only have we "skipped" class with the Dave Ramsey thing but I also volunteered for this tutoring thing through the church and completely forgot that the training started two weeks ago and I've missed two sessions.  Total no call-no show.  Such a fail.  Ugh.  The stress.

I need to learn how to say no.  I have myself so swamped in life that I'm suffocating myself.  That's not good.  I need to realize that school and family are enough.  I don't need to try and be Super Woman and sign up for all of this extra stuff.  That time will come.  But it's not today.  So I have to email the tutoring coordinator and explain why I'm such a loser and blew off the two sessions.  And tonight I'll hopefully redeem myself with the Dave Ramsey class instructor.