Saturday, July 7, 2012

Missing Familiy

Someone makes herself right at home in our
bed at 4 a.m.
It's no surprise that once you have your child, your heart forever is worn on the outside.  You become this vulnerable and desperate person to make everything in their world just right. You want to do everything in your power to make them a good person.  Someone who is well rounded and happy.  Someone who knows they're loved and cared about...  you want to give them everything and more.

My daughter has become the master at making me feel like crap.  Not intentionally, I don't think.  I mean, she's two (and a half).  She surely can't master this intentionally?  And you know, now that I think about it, I think that she's just now able to make her thoughts known and it's not always what I want to hear.  Therefore, I am probably making myself feel like crap.  Anyway.

She cries for Nonie and Papa daily.

She cries to go to their house.  She cries to talk to them.  She cries to have them hold her or rock her.

They live about four hours away.

We can't just up and go whenever she feels the urge to see them--but she doesn't get that.

I know that I've blogged before about how lonely it is when you don't live near any family.  It's just getting worse.  The older she gets, the greater the distance seems.

The Fourth of July really made me sad this year.  My husband worked and I took Kage to a local family farm to ride horses, etc.  How holiday fitting....right?!  I miss holidays where family gets together and visits.  Shared moments and memories.  Kage doesn't have that.  What is she going to look back on as her fond memories?  Daddy working on holidays and her and mommy finding something to do to pass time?  I know that it's more than that, but is that how she'll remember it?

Shouldn't she grow up with memories of family at a barbecue and visiting with cousins and aunts and uncles? It's sad that she has to become re-acclimated with her own family when we do get together (at Thanksgiving and Christmas).

Sure, we could travel to be with our families on the holidays, but then who wants to spend 4-6 hours in a car for a two day trip?  Not I, said the mom of a two year old!  That would just be torture (she doesn't ride well).

My husband and I were discussing the different friends that have come and gone in our lives...I think it was prompted by a question of, "how many of your friends from your wedding party are still in your lives today?" and we were baffled.  Friends do come and go.  Not that anyone got mad or there was a fight or you don't like each other anymore....but you grow up, have families and are just busy.  Time for friends just isn't there anymore.  Or--someone moves away...far away.

We moved.

We separated ourselves.  Not from family or friends, but simply to make a better life for ourselves.

I just wish it wasn't such a huge trade-off.  And then I think of our current situation and have no choice but to ask myself if we are making a better life for ourselves.  Did we make a good trade?  Is the distance worth it?

Do any of you live far away from family?  How do you make the holidays special?

Sometimes I wonder if things will feel differently when we move into a house and have neighbors to share holidays surely won't be the same as having our family close but it may feel less lonely.

1 comment:

Christy said...

I know it is not the same, but, know you all are ALWAYS welcome to any family gathering we have.

As you know, I sometimes wish for those uncomplicated holidays. There are always expectations of us (Jilli and I) that are just plain crazy. It would be nice to be able to have our own thing from time to time.

The grass is always greener. :)

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