Tuesday, June 5, 2012

SAHM I AM

Well.....  I survived.  My first "real" teaching job ended yesterday.  I wanted to be sad.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to walk out feeling the pull to not leave.

But I didn't.

Not one tear.

I guess it was the group of students that I had that made it a less than desirable first experience....I mean, getting called a b!tch at least once a week by a nine-year-old leaves much to be desired.  It was a rough school.  But the staff, I will miss.  I did feel like one of them, one of the family, even though I was a temporary contract.

But it's over.  My contract ended June 4 and I will continue to ride on my paychecks till the middle of August.  That part, I love.

Our budget coach made it clear to us in our last meeting that my top goal would be to secure employment for fall.  You see, we failed miserably at this budget thing.  We were, as Dave Ramsey calls it, Gazelles, with our budget.  For a month.  Then we bombed.

We bought a damn car.

I know.  SO stupid.  So, so, so stupid.

It is used, a 2009, but still.  So flippin' dumb.  If I could take it back, I would.  I regret it more than anything in this world.  But I can't take it back.  I have to swallow the pill that we CHOSE to take.  I also have to swallow the fact that we INCREASED our debt by 10K.  Seriously.  Dumb.

We went from ZERO car payments to a 10K loan for a STUPID car.  Can you tell that I'm disappointed in us?!  Cause I am.  I won't even share our rationalization with you when we were sitting in the car dealership, cause it is just pathetic.  I swear that those dealerships spray crack on you when you walk in so that you lose all sense of reality and rationalization.  Ugh!

So yeah, our budget coach wanted to KILL us when we walked in and told her the news.  It was not pretty.

With that, she insisted that I find employment.  I interviewed for several summer gigs that paid nothing and weren't my cup o' tea and was offered three of them.  I didn't take them.  It wasn't worth the cost of child care, to be honest.  And since I'm getting paid through the summer from the school district, why worry about it now?  I mean, if I could find something that would make it worth my time and child care, then by all means, sign me on.  But I haven't found that yet.

For now, I am back to my stay-at-home-mom thing. Or, I will be come Friday.  And I'm kind of excited.  I am through the panicked stage, and I am through with the fear, and I am through with the worry.  I am ready to be excited.  I have printed three calendar pages to fill with activities for Kage and I to spend our days.  Ballet on Tuesdays, story time in the park on Wednesdays, splash park daily, play dates as needed, library book club......  I'm getting excited.  And it's only until the end of July really....  cause I accepted a position.

Now, it's not what I went to school for, technically.  But strangely, I am VERY excited about the opportunity.  I am going to teach preschool.  Again.  I did it for several years, back in the day.  Like in my early 20s.  And I did love it.  I hated the company I worked for, but I loved the job.

So the unemployed became re-employed within one day.  Not too shabby.

This would be a perfectly happy story if it weren't for the pay.  It's no where near what I made with the school district, obviously.  And I still have to pay just about the same amount in child care that I do now.  gulp  So, what do I do, you know?  I accepted the position and I am praying by all things holy that we're going to be okay.  I mean, we have to be, right?  I will be spending all of the summer saving like mad and paying things off to ensure that we will be okay.

The upside is that I will have Kage in the same building with me.  I will know her teachers personally.  I will make sure that she is given the best care possible.

Truly, the only downside is that I won't be paid jack.  Ugh.

And, it's about an hour commute from where we live now.

But, we're talking about moving back that way.  It's where we lived before we moved south and got married.  We both love that area and want to be back that way, but finding an affordable living situation might be difficult.  Life is fun, isn't it!?




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