Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Now I Lay Me...

I missed my morning walk time due to over sleeping.  Last night's bed routine was less than desirable and I kick myself for letting my 2.5 year old boss do that to me.  Wait, I did this to me.  I let the 2.5 year old become the boss and steal away two hours of my evening while she warded of sleep.  Ugh!  It was rough!

Richie was at his work thing until about 10 p.m. which left me as a "single mommy" all day. (I use that term in " " because I know that I haven't even begun to feel the stress of a real single mommy.)  We didn't leave the house except for the grocery store and I was able to do bath by 6:30, stories in my bed till 7:30 and her in bed by 8:00.  But I have allowed this ritual to evolve where I lay next to her bed until she falls asleep.

Bad mommy!

It's progressively gotten longer and later.

Last night, it was TWO HOURS.  And she was still awake!  I just laid there so frustrated with myself.  She used to be a champion sleeper.  We have never put her in our bed (unless we declared it a special sleep over night), we never used to lay next to her, we just put her to bed and walked away.  And then she figured out how to use her tears to keep me next to her.  She puts the biggest guilt trip on me.  But then I'm reminded that no one can make you feel guilty without your permission.

I laid there getting so mad at myself because I really wanted time to unwind.  Time to shower.  Time to read. Time for me.  And I handed it all away to a little girl that just didn't want to sleep.  I make myself feel right by telling myself that one day, I'll long for the nights when she just wants me by her side and wants me in her room next to her---just to be there.  But am I doing myself (or her) any favors by staying there?

I ended up leaving her room with her in tears and I told her that I had to take a shower.  She was upset, but I knew she was safe.  I got into the shower, and two minutes later, I hear a pitter pat.  There she is, in the bathroom.  She claims she had to potty.  She sat on the potty for a very long time but I soon encouraged her to go and lay down.

By the time I finished, she was back in her bed and fast asleep.

The girl can do it alone, she just refuses to!  Such a head strong beauty!

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