Wednesday, June 27, 2012

My Mean Girl

It's been years since I've watched the movie Mean Girls, but lately, I feel like I'm living in it.  For the last week, Kinley has become so mean--and dare I say, hateful?  Those are two words that I never want to use to describe my daughter's behavior.  Not now and definitely not when she's older.

My hopes for her are to be strong-willed, but for good purpose.  To be loving, of all things and people.  To be understanding, of all situations.  The be independent and strong.  But not to be a push-over.  And not be too understanding or loving to where people can/will take advantage of her.  I want her to be confident and polite and have good manners.  I want her to be an example, a role model. But I don't want her to ever feel above or treat people as if they are inferior.

We've got the strong-willed down perfectly.  And she knows what she wants and she expects to have things the way she wants them.  We did this.  Since she was an infant, we would sing a song, "Who's the prettiest girl in the whole wide world?  Kinley Grace is, Kinley Grace is...." it was just a silly little song that we made up to sing our praises of this little girl that we adore so much.  Did we ruin her?  Did we make her feel better than everyone else?

At two and a half, she pushes her friends around and is just mean!

Yesterday was her first dance class of the second semester.  There are new dancers, and existing dancers from the fall semester.  When we arrived, there was a new dancer sitting outside the studio (it wasn't unlocked yet) and the little girl starting saying, "Kinley, Kinley, Kinley!"  It was her BFF from school!  Tay-chel!  (Rachel)  She was so excited to see Kinley and it just melted my heart!  And I shouted out, "Rachel!, Kinley, it's Rachel!"  The mom just looked at me.  Probably wondering how in the world we knew each other.  Then she realized it was from school.  The teacher called them "the twins" because they look so much alike and were completely inseparable.

Kinley talks about "Tay-chel" all the time, daily, since we pulled her out two weeks ago.  So why is it when she finally reunites with her, she acts like she doesn't know her?  When we got inside, Rachel's mom had to buy her ballet shoes.  Rachel wanted to show Kinley her new shoes and Kinley turned her back on her.  I asked Kinley to show Rachel the book shelf to choose a book while we waited for class to start and Kinley went and stood in front of the books and said, "Tay-chel no books."

I was so embarrassed.

I wanted to pull her aside and spank her rear, but you just can't do that in public.

Her other friend, who she sees a lot, came in to dance and she was just as rude and hateful towards her!

My little angel, sweet Kinley Grace, is a mean girl.

She thinks her stuff don't stink!

I was on the phone with my mom about it last night and she says that I need to talk to our parenting coach (whom we don't see anymore) about it because we're really going to have major issues with this when she's older.  I totally can see that.  I mean, I want her to be headstrong and confident, but not to the point where she's mean and looking down her nose at people!

Another mom that I was talking to during dance has the same issues with her 3 year old.  She didn't have answers either.  She did make me feel a little better by saying that at least we have the hardest trait down....being confident and strong minded!  I just need to work on her being nice, and kind and loving to others.  That is what I do every day though.  She just won't have it!

Please tell me this is just the age and just a phase.  I can't handle dealing with a "Mean Girl."


Christy said...

I think it is the age, and all kids are different. Jilli will say things like "I don't want ______ (friends name)" or "______ is not coming here" etc. I try to remind her daily that we need to be nice to our friends, and that our friends love us very much. When she says it on the way somewhere that we are going to see that person, she gets scolded. That is NOT nice to say about our friends! You need to apologize and say something nice about ____ (said person). She then normally cries. I know Kin and Jilli have different temperaments, but I think each of us are going through it in our own "special" way :) You know we are here if you need us!

Anonymous said...

She's out of structure. Not being in daycare again for the Summer probably is getting her out of the element/ routine she was in. When did this start? Think about it...she probably misses her daycare friends.

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