Thursday, September 8, 2011

How much do you trust?

I know that nothing will ever be good enough.  No one will ever be me.  No one can even come close.  But how much do you trust your mother's instinct?

Kage is in her second-ever home day care.  The first one that we used was eh--so, so.  The second (our current), I thought I loved.  She painted the perfect picture of exactly what we wanted for Kin.  Home cooked meals, preschool curriculum, lots of parent communication, social skills with a small group setting with another little girl her age...and her hours were ideal.  We were sold!

Three weeks into her full time schedule and things aren't as they once seemed to be.  The "home-cooked meals" have become hot dogs several days a week.  The preschool curriculum seems non-existent.  The parent communication has dwindled down to a handful of texts a day saying:  "K awake" or "K sleeping."  I am rarely made aware of what she's eating and never told about her diaper changes or what she did all day.  The small group setting has quickly grown to seven (7!) children in her care.  Two of those are 4 months old.  And her availability till 6 p.m. has turned into me getting text messages at 3:30 asking when I'll be there to get her.  Hmmmm.

My mother's instinct jumped into hyperdrive last week.  When I started getting texts telling me that Kage was falling asleep on the couch twenty minutes after we dropped her off.  And she's been doing it daily.  Our child NEVER falls asleep on the couch.  Like, ever.  Now, I understand that children do different things at day care than they do at home--I get that.  But why is she just passing out on the couch?  Is she bored?  Is she left unsupervised?  What is going on?

We pay a pretty hefty price for day care, or hefty to us....$200 a week.  I expect a lot for that amount of money.  I expect a lot for my little girl.  She deserves the very, very best.  Sadly, I'm not sure I feel confident that she's receiving that.

My husband thinks I'm overly picky--like, expecting the world and never going to find it in any childcare situation.  And I am.  But she's my baby!  She deserves better!  I have been told that she's advanced, or smart, and I want her to blossom.  I want to nurture her mind! Now is the time for children to feed their minds and learn and explore!  Not pass out on the couch in front of a TV.

So I'm torn.  Do I just suck it up and be content that she's just at an overpriced babysitter?  Or do I get angry and pull her out and search for something better?

I did go and tour a corporate day care center today.  While I love that they have formal parent communication and monthly menus....I just felt that it was a puppy mill for babies.  It wasn't very clean feeling and I just felt dirty when I left.  Aaaand, it was $276 a week.  Ouch.

What would you do?  Would you trust your mommy instinct and believe that she's not in the right place?  Should I just chill out?

Enjoying a cookie treat after day care

Riding the horsey at the grocery

Shopping for a new toy....she wanted two!  We told her to only
choose one, so she decided on the Lucy look-alike.  Way cute!


Barbara said...

I taught Pre-K for many years and have worked in a few daycares and I'm not liking what you wrote :( I would say looking around never hurts! The texting here and there is not communication IMO...she needs to do more.
Have you looked into any small corporate daycares? One that isn't a chain?

If you ever need help just message me on FB I'd be happy to help! Keep us posted and try not to stress too much! This isn't the stress you need on top of school. :(

Heather said...

You have every right to change your mind about a daycare or look for another one if your instincts tell you it's not good there. I did daycare for 8 years with Mikayla even though they do have there benefits they do have there downsides. I would check on not all sitters are expensive. I only charge 150 a week and sometimes less. It's important that your child gets the care you want them to get. When I worked I would make sure my babysitters were teaching Emie her numbers and letters. They weren't. With me home she is learning her colors, letters, playing outside and learning sign language. Do what you think is best and never ignore your instincts. They let us know when something is out of our comfort zone.

EZsx5 said...

I would pull her out! I'm pretty laid back when it comes to knit-picking things like this, but if my instinct is saying to pull her out, there must be something going on. There's a difference between wanting everything to be perfect and sensing something wrong. 7 kids with 1 caregiver is not legal! Especially with 2 four month olds! This lady has taken on too much and that is why everything is lacking..communication, food, activities, and even that she's asking when you are coming. Imagine how frazzled this ladies nerves are?!?!?! How long can she keep it up before her tempermant towards the children changes. She should have a very structured day that would prevent her from falling asleep within 20 minutes. There is probably a website for your state that breaks daycare centers down by county and location. It should list in home and centers and their ratings when they are audited. You can view their results and then call the one's you like best for rates. You should be able to find some good choices that way. Good luck!

EZsx5 said...

I believe you've mentioned you live in IL. Here is a referral site from their government website to help you find a daycare center.

Hope it helps!!

jlynn30 said...

I had this happen to us with Gavin's last in home daycare. He was there since he was 12 weeks old until he was about 16 months old. We switched for ALL the reasons you just listed! Go with you mommy instinct! It is ALWAYS right. You will never look back, I promise. :) Good luck.

jinnie said...

My advice is to find a new place, STAT. It's true that we as mothers expect "too much", but from what you just described, I don't think you're nitpicking. You should be knowing EVERYTHING that your child is doing, and that includes all diapers changes, every two hours -- when it was and what it was. No child should be falling asleep in the morning as soon as they get to day care. The one time that my son was suddenly and SUPPOSEDLY taking 5-hour naps that started at 10AM (which also caused him to miss a complete bottle each day and lose weight) was also when he suddenly got bleeding diaper rashes from never being changed (I checked against the diaper change log and the number of diapers I took them, and they were lying). Trust your instincts. There is a big difference between "wanting something better" and "my instincts are screaming out that something is wrong".

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