Tuesday, August 30, 2011

We had a scare...

Since the removal of the Mirena a month ago, we've been "playing with fire."  And although we know the danger risks with that fire, we played anyway. 

It's all fun and games until someones boobs start to ache!

And then once you feel that heaviness in the boobage, your mind freaks out.  OMG.  I think I am having implantation cramping.  OMG.  I am more emotional than usual.  OMG.  I feel pregnant.

Yeah, I was SURE that we had played and got burned.  And we were so sure that we were ready for baby #2.  We were so OK with having another baby.  Until the scare came.

All of a sudden, we were in a panic.  We were freaking out.  We laid in bed and thought of all of the, "well now we can't do......" or "well, now this is ruined....."  or "this is the *worst* timing ever!"  We went through all of that.

And then, I tested.

Hallelujah!  Praise God!  Thank you, Jesus!  I was saying it all.  Kinley was just stared at me wondering why I was dancing in the bathroom.

And then...  the let down.

Oh.  Okay.  So there isn't a tiny baby seed in there.  So I'm not the fertile mertile that I assumed I had become.  So we aren't giving her a sibling.  So our lives aren't changing.  So we aren't a family of four. 

It's so strange the way things happen.  Something that we were convinced we had, seemed so wrong.  But when we found that we didn't have it, seemed so wrong.  That doesn't make sense....  But it's just funny how certain we were that it wasn't good timing and we didn't want this right now...yet I felt a twinge of a let down when I got that blaring "Not Pregnant" in my face. 

I'm okay about it now.  I realize that had it been different, I would be having a baby right about the time that I'm looking for a job.  I honestly don't know when good timing would be....I know that there really is no "perfect" time for a baby.  And there's never enough money in the account.  And life never slows the the acceptable pace to expand the family.  You just adapt.

We would have adapted if that test came out differently.  And we'll go about life as normal until God blesses us with another perfect angel....but I'm happy that he's not trusting us today.


Anonymous said...

The test could also be a false positive. I don't mean to scare you, but that same thing happened to me. A week later I took another test and there it was...a positive test...and baby 5 on the way. After he was born we both got fixed...lol!!!

Amanda said...

I get your internal debate... part of you desperatly wants a baby, and part of you is sure it's not the "right" time. I'm going through the same thing right now, but lucky (or unlucky) for me, my body has decided that it is NOT the right time, so I have to go with the assumption that this is not the right time for us.

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

I love the pregnancy tests that just tell you the results - so much easier than the line or plus and minus ones!

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