The truth is...

I'm so glad that this isn't a vlog.  I'm coughing non-stop today.  I'm getting that cough headache and that is zero fun.  I think I'm coughing because of the weather.....well, and the pneumonia.  But mostly because of the weather.  It's hot in Chicago, y'all.  Finally.  It's hot.  Like 82ish, I think.  So this heat has me coughing more than usual. 

I could be like my neighbor and kick on the a/c but I'm the one that has been complaining about wanting it to warm up since like, ummmm, December.  So I feel obligated to feel it for at least one day.  Obligated to whom?  I dunno.  Just obligated.

And this will probably never be a vlog, btw.  I totally don't have the guts to pull that off.  No way.

So today is my first 'me' day.  I was totally bummed too.  With it being so nice out, I wanted to do something outside with Kage.  But I have to take her to day care one day a week to 'hold her spot' or whatever.  I chose Tuesdays.  Wouldn't you know it that Tuesday would be our first beautiful day?!  So she's over there enjoying the day with the other kids.  I'm here.....sweating the day away.

I am picking her up at four, so we'll have several hours this afternoon/evening to go out and run together.

You know, I've rolled this over in my head for two days now.  Do you ever do that?  Ask yourself how to write about something without sounding like a total *itch/whine bag/pity me party/brat/etc.  That's been me.  So to avoid sounding like any of the previously mentioned, let me start with this: 

For Mother's Day, my husband got me three plants for our patio.  Two are hanging and one sits on my plant stand.  I also got a card from him and a card from the Kage-ster (signed by her--which melts my heart).  I appreciate the flowers and cards.

Now here it comes.....

When you receive a gift or whatever, some say that it's the thought that counts, right?  Because in all honesty that is what counts. 

My husband, doesn't think.

That sums this up.

Last year, I sent him an email reminder as well as showed him exactly what I wanted for my first Mother's Day.

Instead, I got a weeping cherry tree.  He took me to get it ON Mother's Day.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I've always wanted a weeping cherry tree.  I just had other ideas for my first Mother's Day.  I didn't say anything, I let it slide.

This year, I sent him the same email reminder.  I *told* him that I wanted the necklace.  I showed it to him on their website. 

I got three flower pots.

And I know that I sound like the world's most unappreciative woman in the world.  But that's not where this is coming from.  This is coming from the fact that my husband puts zero thought into anything.

He went to Meijer at 9:00 on Saturday night (when I sent him to get a Redbox movie) and bought the plants and cards. 

Seriously?  How much thought is that?  As a wife and mom, don't I deserve more thought than that?  I mean, anyone can go and buy a last minute flower basket.

My feelings are hurt.  I try to always go above and beyond for him.  Whether it be on holidays or just a daily thing. 

We fought about it this weekend.  I cried.  I never cry in front of him. Ever.  So to put my face in my hands and cry says a lot.  My feelings were really hurt. 

It wasn't just the late night run for flowers.  It was the fact that *on* Mother's Day, we drove through our quaint downtown area to see all of the families out for Mother's Day; waiting for their tables at the cute little restaurants, all dressed up, some had flowers or a corsage.  He didn't even notice.

Then he said to me, if you see somewhere that you want to stop to eat, just tell me to stop. 

Gee, thanks.

I am not ungrateful.

I just want to feel special for one day.  One day that I don't have to plan.  One day that I can be surprised.  One day that I can feel appreciated and loved.

So I 'm sitting in the car with my face in my hands crying.  The whole day was shot.  And for some reason, it was all my fault that the day fell apart. 

That is another issue.  My husband doesn't think and he doesn't accept blame for anything. 

It was my fault that I didn't get the necklace because I didn't tell him.  Then I reminded him of the reminders that I sent last year and this year.  He then said that it was too expensive.  I reminded him that it was $40 (probably cheaper than the flower baskets).  Then he said that it was because he never has time to shop or buy me anything because I expect too much from him.

That is where the crying stopped.

No point in crying over it anymore.  It is what it is.

My stomach was so upset from nerves and just being sad, so I never did tell him to stop somewhere to eat.  So we got Chipotle carryout because he's been wanting to try it. 

Mother's Day is about being with your baby.  I did get to be with her and that is what is ultimately important.  I just wish I hadn't gotten my hopes up.  I should know better by now.

Next year, I'm planning the most amazing day.  I'm going to be pampered and my baby girl and I are going to the most amazing lunch.  Just her and I.  Cause she never disappoints.