Friday, January 7, 2011

Weaning myself

Last night we played catch-up on our shows.  We watched The Middle (which was freakin' hilarious!) and then Modern Family (so funny!) and finally Mike & Molly (which is a new favorite, AND they are in Chicago! sweet!).  Those three shows never disappoint and we were both cracking up through all of them. 

While watching Modern Family, I realized that the hairstyle that I've been in search of was right there in front of me.  Claire!  It's perfect!  It's long, but not too long, it looks good when she wears it straightened and when she leaves it with some wave.  I think I'm going to go for it.  And I even went so far to make an appointment.  So, it's happening.  Next week.

Isn't it cute!?  I'm not going to be that blonde, of course.  I'm doing an all over color but just because I am thinking that I'll save my highlights for summer.  And the all over color is cheaper easier to maintain.  Now I hope I won't chicken out.

Kinley and I went to visit with the day care lady (I hate calling her that, but I don't want to post her name) and the visit went well.  Kinley was a little clingy to me, but I think that it was just her shyness and not that she was uncomfortable there.  I'm still so upset about having to leave her but realize that it will be best in the long run.

Next Tuesday is my hair appointment, at noon.  So since next week is our "break her in" week and she was going to spend two half days at day care anyway, I thought I would spoil myself and get a hair appointment.  Tuesday she'll be at the sitter from 11:00 till about 4:00.  Wow, that seems like a very long time.  Is that too much for her first day?  I tried making my hair appointment for Thursday, her second day at day care, but they had no openings.  Ugh.  I'm stressing.

For the past couple of weeks, we've been dealing with Kinley getting up in the middle of the night to nurse.  She (usually) only gets up one time and normally it is around 4 a.m.  She nurses both sides and then goes back to sleep.  Why all of a sudden is she doing this?  And the even better question is, what can I do to stop it?  Now that I'm going to be back in school, the last thing that I need is to not be getting a full night's rest.  Especially since we've been spoiled with an all night sleeper since she was 9 weeks old. 

Last night (this morning), I had daddy get up and go in to her with her sippy.  She cried HARD, real tears and everything, for an HOUR.  She threw the sippy, threw the passy, threw his every attempt to calm her out the window.  I sat up in bed crying with her.  I just wanted to run in and nurse her.  But I knew that our goal was to break the cycle and I managed to wait it out.  He finally got her back to sleep.  Fifteen minutes later, she was up.  He had to get ready for work, so I went in and nursed her.  She's back to sleep now. 

So she got what she wanted, and we lost an hour of sleep.

I am beginning to question my decision to not wean at her first birthday.  I should have done it.  And I admit that I didn't do it because *I* wasn't ready to wean.  I wasn't ready to close that chapter.  Weaning her means that she's growing up, she's not my baby anymore, she's a big girl.  That's a big pill to swallow.  I told myself that I would wean BY 15 months.  That's coming up really quickly.

With school starting, I'm really feeling the stress of not weaning.  And because of it, I'm facing this schedule:  wake up at 4:30 (I'm sure I'll be up with her at 4:00 anyway, if things continue as they have been), shower, get ready, pack Kinley's food for day care, eat breakfast.  By 5:30 I will need to get Kinley up, nurse her and get the car loaded.  I have to leave the house NO LATER than 6:15 so that I can drop her off by 6:30 and make it to class in time. 

I'm doing the "dry run" commute to school next week during her half days at day maybe I'll be able to push my time a little.  Or I hope I can push my time a little later. 

But if I wasn't nursing still, I could let her sleep till 6 and possibly 6:30.  Ugh.  A few more months and hopefully I'll be ready to wean.

A newborn baby has only three demands.  They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence.  Breastfeeding satisfies all three.  ~Grantly Dick-Read


Raegan is my world said...

Raegan will be 1 on the 11th and I have been trying to wean from nursing for the last 3 weeks with no success. She wants nothing to do with weaning. I think this is going to be a long process and I wanted to be done by her 1st birthday.

Heather said...

Love the hairstyle, I think it will look great on you! I love those shows too, they always crack me up!
I don't know about weaning from breastfeeding, but I do know that getting rid of Parker's bottle is going to be next to impossible. He LOVES his bottle, he won't take milk in a sippy (only water for some reason) and if you try to give him the sippy instead of the bottle he crys and throws it... my goal is by 18 months, but I keep wondering if I should do it sooner to get it over with! Oh the decisions a mother has to make!!

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