Monday Funday!

This sounds whack, I know, but I sure wish that I was still sick with gall stones.  I look back on those pictures and wish that I could look like that again.  I don't remember if I wasn't eating or maybe just wasn't using the food I ate, but dang!  I wanna look like that again!

I'm just about to reach that point of "okay, I've had enough" with my weight.  And until I reach that point, it's hard to do anything about it.  I have to be completely FED up before I'll move.  The last two days, I have gotten up at 5:45 to give me a half hour to go walking before Richie leaves for work.  That half hour is more for my mental health than physical though.  I am walking briskly, blaring iTunes in my ears, clearing my head.  Today my play list bounced from S&M by Brit Brit to High Enough by the Damn Yankees.  I know, right?!  And all the while, I was daydreaming that Charlie Tango would come flying down from the sky and Mr. Grey would be picking me up for a date.  Yeah, yeah, dream on!

I have read so much about the 300/30 challenge, or whatever it is, and I even tried it yesterday.  I almost died on my bedroom floor only 50 reps in.  It was sad.  And made me feel even more discouraged.  So for now, I am setting the pace pretty simple.  My 30 minute walk/hopefully working up to a run, and simple crunches.  Baby steps.

I highly doubt that I'll ever make it back to what I looked like a few months post giving birth, but man, I would like to try!

Makes me ill.  Three months after having a baby and I was this thin....  Hard not to beat myself up a bit.  This whole getting old thing isn't going well!

Yesterday, I took Kage to a new (to us) farm and oh boy, it was awesome.  It's about fifteen minutes from where we live and I must have been living under a rock to not know about it.  Like I had mentioned before, I have been scoping the kid scenes for cheap/free summer events to partake in with my girl.  This farm had a free day yesterday...and believe or not, it was not at all crowded. Kinley was in heaven.  They had a carousel, pony rides, train rides, tractor rides, animals!  The girl was loving it!  And, with no crowd, so rode the rides over and over with no wait.

Stopped for a quick hair trim on our way

Kinley checking out the one room school house museum on site

Here she is riding the pony named Peanut Butter

She loves him!

"Heehaw" calling the donkey

Her beautiful hair!

Had to ride Chip too

ChooChoo!

Anxiously waiting for the choo choo to pick her up

They offer season passes and I have a feeling that we need to invest in that.  What a fun place to go and so close to home!

Last night we had her 2.5 year well check.  Dr. Natalie is so amazing and we are so fortunate to have found her.  We had a great scare a few months ago when she announced that she was leaving the practice.  I was in tears over it.  But the rumor mill began to roll and we heard that she was opening her own practice.  She confirmed last night that it is true and she will be opening a "small town" feel office including home calls.  And she is focusing on holistic care, which is what I prefer.  Win/Win.  The visit went very well and Kinley a.k.a. "Dr. Malwi" (she insisted that she was Dr. Natalie) did great with her two vaccinations.  I however, didn't do well.  I really, really didn't want her to get any, but Dr. N reassured me that it would be okay.  And so far, (knock on wood), she hasn't had a reaction.

She had to bring her doctor supplies to her appointment

That was our day, in a nut shell.

Today we have nothing on the agenda, aside from the mundane grocery shopping, bank run and library.  Tonight is family library night but Richie has a work thing to attend.  I think that her and I may go after dinner.

Sleep? Yes, please.

I am so tired, I'm not even sure I can blog properly today.  Not that there is a proper way to blog...right?  But my thoughts are swarming everywhere today.

I was up late.  Really, really late.

I didn't leave for the gym until a little after 9, so by the time I tanned and got to my machine, it was probably close to ten.  And then I had my strength training last night, so it's the late night.  I got home a little after midnight.  And then you can't go right to sleep because your body is all hopped up from the workout.  So I sat up till about 1:00.  Kage actually woke up around 12:30 and cried for a second.  She never does that....but I loved the opportunity for a late night cuddle with her.  She unfortunately only wanted a paci and put back to bed.  Ah well....I tried.

She had her 18 month appointment yesterday.

They stripped her down and did her height/weight and head measurements.  For those wondering:  Head:  18.5, Weight:  21 lbs 7 oz (10th%) and Height:  30.5" (20th%).  She keeps going lower and lower in the percentiles, but the doctor just said that she's petite and not to worry.  She got a great report and everything is going well!  I haven't messed up too bad, I guess.

After the measurements, the nurse asks that I leave her in her diaper until the doctor comes in to do her exam.  OH boy....  you can't just leave my child in her diaper.  She sees it as the perfect opportunity to sharpen her streaking skills.  And she did, and she peed on the floor about seven times.  I put the diaper back on about 5 times before I said screw it and just grabbed paper towels to clean up her pee. 

The doctor walked in saying, "I hear we have a streaker in this room."  Yep, that would  be mine!  Gosh I hope she outgrows this stage soon!

My mom said that she thinks the ripped off of the diaper means that she's getting ready to be potty trained.  I say no way.  She does it because she's not supposed to.  Simple as that.  She is rotten.  But she has started this new thing where she'll just go lay down in her room if she's pooped.  She lays there and waits patiently to be changed.  It's so cute!

And don't you love how her horsey has accessories too, just like my little Diva? 

She got one shot at her 18 month appointment and her doctor presented me with the option of doing the Chicken Pox vaccine.  I turned it down for now while I research it more.  I'm a freak about vaccines and don't just give her "what they suggest" because who are they.  Anyone have any info about the chicken pox vaccine that you can pass on?  Did you do it/not do it?  She claims that the "natural" chicken pox that she could catch is much more aggressive than it was when we were kids.  And she wants me to give it to her....but I'm not sure.  When we first chose her as our pediatrician, it was because she was pro-choice when it came to vaccinations.  Now, she seems to really push them.  I'm not sure that I really like that.  But, I'm not sure that it's a deal breaker to find a new dr either.  Finding a good pediatrician is like finding a good bathing suit.  It's nearly impossible.

She had no reaction for this vaccine yesterday, but she's had it before, so I didn't really expect one.  She took it like a champ. 

And before leaving the appointment, I had to schedule her TWO YEAR appointment.  OMG.  My baby is actually going to turn two.  And soon.  I'm not ready.  I'm so not ready.  Where did my tiny baby go?

I miss her tiny body.  I miss her wrinkley skin.  I miss her soft, silky, dark hair.  I miss her cuddling!  Ugh.  But I still don't have the desire to have another.  I miss her as a baby.  I don't miss "a baby."  And this may seem totally weird, and I know that it's kind of selfish, but I want my only memories of pregnancy and childbirth to be for her and of her.  I want to remember HER in my belly.  I want to remember giving birth to HER.  I want to only have memories of HER as an infant.  Is that crazy?  Our families are not happy with our decision and honestly, I don't think my husband is either.  He wants another.  He wants a boy.  But right now, I'm not.  And that's my right.  Kinley makes me feel whole.  I don't need more.

And why the blog took that direction, I have no idea.

I need to sleep.

Oh, and P.S.  Yesterday, she slept in until 9:45.  That is a world record for her.  No joke.  
Oh, and P.P.S.  Groupon's deal today is 20 bucks at Old Navy for only 10 dollars.  Yea.  Go get one.

Warrior Momma

You know, sometimes I wonder how I do it.  Its like, when your baby is sick, you just become this new person, a new personality, a new being.  There is one thing I'm sure of, you don't mess with my baby.

I drove the hour and a half commute to class yesterday, because we were on campus and not at the elementary school.  The kids had the day off....still unsure why.  Anyway.  So I drove to class with Pink blaring the whole way.  It was a good commute. 

Standing in the hall conversing with my classmates before class started and I get a text, "She's running a slight fever.  Call me when you can."  It was KG's day care lady.  My heart sank.  You see, that morning, I said to my husband that I thought she was warm.  On Monday she was super clingy and fussy, I blamed teething.  Tuesday morning, my husband blamed my accusations of her 'being warm' on my mommy psycho-ness.  (which if often the case, but I knew better this day)  So while I was shocked to get the text, I wasn't really.  I knew that I was at least 90 minutes from her, maybe more with traffic at this point.  Dad was the only option. 

I got it arranged for him to pick her up and immediately called her doctor to get her in.  They had an opening at 10:30 with a ped in the same office as ours.  We never get to see our ped for sick visits.  Ever.  (Rant #1).  Even though when we interviewed her and chose her, we were told that she holds about 4 appointment slots open daily for situations just as these.  Not once have we been able to see her for a sick visit. 

Dad picked her up at 9:30 and took her straight over to the doctor's office.  You all probably realize by now how nuts I am when it comes to being a mom.  I'm slightly obsessive, crazy some may say, when it comes to my daughter.  I go overboard sometimes.  You can imagine what a nutcase I was sitting in class knowing that my baby was sick.  At the doctor.  With her dad.  No offense to him, (okay so he'll take it offensively) but dads just don't do it the same.  Dads just don't listen the same.  Dads just don't cuddle the same.  And, really, dads just don't fight the same.  I gave him specific instructions to 'get mad' and 'demand answers' but I just felt like I wasn't going to get my point across via my significant other.

About 45 minutes after they arrived, I got a text saying that they were in the lab, signal was bad, he'd call me later.  Ummmmm, yeah, I flew out of my classroom so fast.  Called him.  Went to voicemail.  I did the whole call, get voicemail, hang up, call again.  Did that about five times.  FINALLY, he answered.  He was saying something about her immune system and looking for something....but his phone was not holding signal.  I believe that at this point I was shaking.  Had I not been 90 + minutes away, I would have been there.  Stat. 

It took another 30 minutes or so for me to hear anything.  And wouldn't you know it.....he couldn't remember most of what the doctor said.  I realized then that this was going to end up in a big old argument...him vs. me.  So I said, forget it, I'm calling the doctor.

I called the doctor's office and as politely as I could (which wasn't very polite), said "WTF" (not in those words, but as closely as I could without offending).  The receptionist sent my call to the medical assistant and she informed me that they were testing for a blood infection, possibly mono, possibly inflammation in her tissues, could be liver enzymes, flu, step, could be blah, blah, blah.  But (she said the 'but' as if it were going to be good news) her throat is raw and inflamed and she had green stuff way up in her nose.

If I could have went through the phone, I would have.  They tell me that her throat is raw and inflamed EVERY TIME I go there.  And lately, I'm getting a little tired of the generic responses.  If her throat is raw and inflamed every other week for over two months....FIND OUT WHY and FIX IT!

They ran every test they could to check for everything they could think of and it all comes back normal.  I hate the word 'normal' because really, what is normal? 

We're supposed to treat the symptoms and 'ride it out' and wait for our appointment wtih the ENT--which is the 15th.

She was fevered all night, crying in her sleep and then, the croup-y cough returned.  The one she just got over.  Seriously?  What is going on!?

I called the doctor's office first thing this morning.  So early, that the answering service started to answer and then the receptionist picked up half way through.  I had to of been the first caller of the day.  But, imagine this, our doctor is "booked" for the day. Despite her telling me in our interview that she keeps 4 slots open for emergencies AND I called at 8:00 on the dot. 

The lady on the other end of the phone offered to have us see another ped in the office.  I declined.  She offered to have me talk to a nurse.  I declined.  I said that I want OUR dr to call me back.  I swear that the office staff is like her secret service.  You have to get through them to get to her.  Ugh.

Fast forward a few hours, the dr's

I really don't have expectations of learning anything new at this appointment.  I'm sure that she'll say it's a 'virus' (and we all know how much I love that) and that I just have to wait it out...but at least I'm trying.  I'm trying to figure out what is going on with my baby girl.  Because my instinct, my motherly instinct, says that they aren't catching something. 

Off my rant.

Let's talk this diet.  By use of myfitnesspal.com, I'm learning so much about what I'm putting into my body.  And well, after completing my diary yesterday, I was alerted that I'm not taking in enough calories.  Guess my old ways of starvation to lose weight is kind of creeping in the background.  I'm going to try really hard to do better today. 

It's really hard, because we don't buy healthy food.  We buy junk that is quick and easy.  So I can eat a little bit a few times a day.  I'm starving.  I know that my body is just getting used to the changes in my diet...but I wish it would hurry up.  My days used to be filled with eating chocolate and chips and candy and more chocolate and then maybe some sweet tea and more potato chips.  (and I wonder why I am so chubby)  I'm still working at it though, and I am keeping up with the walking at night.  Still haven't gone to the gym to get a membership, but only because I've been consumed with a sick baby and homework. 

No more excuses.

Monday Mash

I'm glad that I did the Weekend Warriors post on Friday.  It allows me to look back and see what great intentions I had for this weekend!  Intentions.  I think that only one thing that I said that we were going to do, happened.  And that, my friends, was Kinley's 15 month appointment and shots.  I tried to avoid them, and I did one of them, but the other three, I couldn't avoid.  Grrrr.  The appointment left me uneasy.  Normally, I walk out of the appointments even more in love with our pediatrician than I was when I walked in.  Not this time.

There were several things that left a bad taste in my mouth, not literally.  When we first met her and interviewed with her, she was super flexible about vaccinations and even sided with me on many views about not doing certain vacs.  It was almost like she changed her mind or changed her views about them at our appointment.  She talked about the amount of immigrants coming into our area and how important these shots are...blah, blah, blah. 

Now, I understand that.  I'm not stupid.

But I also feel that doing too many vaccinations at one time is not healthy. 

Because the whole vaccinating your child issue is so controversial, I try not to get in to it much publicly here.  Because I'm not wanting my blog to become some forum for argument and drama.  But I have different views than the norm when it comes to my daughter. 

Despite me not wanting shots on Saturday, we walked out with three.  Way more than I was comfortable with.  And the worst part, is that it was me vs. my husband and pediatrician.  I didn't stand a chance--aside from grabbing Kinley and running out.

The doctor also gave me a lecture on addressing Kinley's behavior.  She thinks knows that I have zero discipline with Kinley.  She's the boss.  It's no secret.  On the order of hierarchy in our house, she's on top.  And well, we know that it's wrong and we don't want to live like that.  It just happened.  It happens when you worship and cherish every breath she takes.  We still see her as our tiny baby.  And truth be told, she's not.  She is a toddler who understands what we say and what we want from her.  We're allowing her to walk all over us.  And politely said, Dr. N told us that we either get her in check now, or we'll be in her office crying when she's three because she hits other children and disrespects us and other adults.

I get that.

But how do I change it?  Telling Kinley "no" has never been my strong point.  Heck, I breastfeed a 15 month old!  Obviously, I can't tell her no.  So she told me to read this book, 1-2-3 Magic, by Phelan.  And she says it will help me.  I need the help.  Because most of all, what my husband and I want, is a respectful child.  That is so important to us.  And to know that she's being taught that it's okay to disrespect us, and adults in general, is not okay.

So on Sunday, we practiced all day to begin treating her like the "big girl" that she's becoming.  Dr. N assured us that Kinley knows what we're saying.  And I think she's right.  It was amazing to see how much she understood and how independently she can think and react when Mommy isn't rushing in to the rescue.  It's a process and this is only the beginning, but isn't that what parenting is about?

I stopped nursing her yesterday.  I chose that as our day to be done.  Was it easy?  HECK NO.  Does she still ask to nurse?  Yes.  Often?  No.  When she's restless or tired, she puts her pacifier into my hand and rubs her face into my chest.  *insert heart break here*

But I tell her that nursie is for babies and that she is a big girl now.  So I offer her a milk sippy.  She's not in love with milk, but she'll sip on it.  Dr. N told us to get 2% organic with DHA added.  So that's where we start.  Hopefully she'll like it more as time goes on. 

This parenting stuff is hard.  I had no idea what I was getting myself in to....that's for sure.

The stupid shots (my tantrum) gave her a crazy fever Saturday night.  She went to bed at like 6 and slept till 6.  That was kind of nice for us, we actually watched TWO--2! movies on Saturday.  We haven't been able to do that since before I was pregnant.  (I was always so tired in my pregnancy, TV put me to sleep)  We had an unhealthy dinner in front of the TV and vegged.  It was so nice.  Mommy and Daddy needed that.  But we had to miss our dinner plans.....thank God for rain checks.

On Sunday morning, we were able to go to Church ABC.  We even made it to the 9 a.m. service!  So, okay, I guess I completed two of my Weekend Warrior tasks.  We were a few minutes late, but we made it.  And agreed that going early was a better fit for us.  Not only were we able to get motivated earlier but we got so much more out of our day!  We went to church and got our errands run before noon!  That was nice.

Church was amazing this week, again.  How is it that I hear exactly what I need to hear every week that I go?!  It's almost like they call me and say, "hey, what would you like us to talk about this week?"  No joke...that's how it feels.  And on our way home from church, my husband always asks, "so, what did you get from today's service" and we have the best discussions on the way home. I love Sundays.

We had to buy a new kitchen table this weekend, well, we ordered it.  I sold our table on Craigslist thinking that we'd find another one with no problem.  Yeah, not so much.  Our apartment is so much smaller than the town house (but I'm so much happier here, so much happier) and our dining "area" is tiny.  So our table just overpowered the space.  It fit....but with a huge highchair, it was just not working.  So we got a cheap, smaller, nice table set.  I was starting to enjoy eating on the couch, but my husband reminded me that we always said family style dinners would be a rule in our house with our family.  Ummmmmm, oh yeah.  Okay, I give.  He's right.  In a few days, the table will be here and we'll be back to family style. 

And since this blog is about fifty different things already, what is one more?  Finances.  I consider myself a Dave Ramsey fan.  A big fan, as a matter of fact.  Not only because his Financial Peace University is pretty awesome....but because I give him credit for making me a changed person.  I have really learned how to simplify and it's not only a financial change, but a personal change as well.  I've been able to let go of some really tedious, small things that used to bog me down.  It's very free-ing.  That make sense?  But since moving and trying to get settled in, I've lost my handle on our finances.  I have no idea what is coming in/going out and I'm starting to feel the anxiety from it.  I got to the point of knowing where each dollar went and who it went to....and right now, to be honest, I don't have a clue.  I couldn't even tell you what we have in our account.  No joke.  And that, gives me anxiety.  Life has been so hectic.  Moving, settling, school, baby toddler, life.  It all got in the way and I lost control.  I admit it. 

Spring break is this week.  I'm on it RIGHT NOW.  This very second.  So, my goals for spring break are as follows:

1. Get a grasp on our finances and budget.  This will be hard because I don't really know our bills right now.  New apartment, new utilities.  No clue how to budget for that yet.
2. Work ahead on my lesson plans.  I hope to get at least three written.
3. Finish one project for my other class--writing a model college level exam.  (barf)
4. Get our apartment cleaned and resembling some sort of organization.  Back to Goodwill I go with yet another donation.  We've donated SO MUCH stuff since the move....and we're not even close to being done.  Next year's tax write off will be soooo sweet.

I think I'll be so much more relaxed if I can accomplish those four things.  That's not asking too much of myself, right?

I guess I should be taking advantage of Kinley still being asleep and get started on my list.  That would be the smart thing to do.

Her accessories not only include her beloved necklace,
but now she insists on wearing bells on her ankle.
She is such a beautiful personality.
Yes, her hair is a mess, I'm aware.  But I refuse
to cut it.

Birthdays, Appointments and School...in that order.

I feel like it's been so long since I've last blogged.  I'm not sure I even remember how to do it!  Okay, that's a lie.  I'm good at rambling on and on and on.... it's like riding a bike.  Why do they say that?  Have you tried riding a  bike after a several year hiatus?  It's kinda scary.  No joke.  I tried it not too long ago, at Walmart.  Nevermind.

Where have I been?  Celebrating a very special birthday with a very special girl.  Then getting snowed in.  Then a pediatrician visit.  It's been busy 'round here.

The party was nice.  Very small, but nice.  Kinley was completely oblivious to the party.  She only cared about the fact that she had a very large room to push her dinosaur around.  The cake, she really didn't care about.  She squished it between her fingers until it didn't even resemble a cake anymore and then sucked a little off of her hand and shoved the rest into her ear while she "talked" on her "phone."  I know that the whole cake smash is what the first birthday is all about...but it was just too gross to me.  The thought of my baby ingesting that much sugar was too much.  And the clean up was even worse.  I mean, the cake was *compacted* into the child's ear canal.  I was slightly concerned with how I was going to safely get it out.  But it's done and we all survived.  She got some really cool presents and our living room looks even more like Toys R Us and less like our home. 

At her pediatrician visit, she was listed as the 13th percentile for height and the 25th % for weight.  She's still a tiny thing.  I guess I expected that somewhat.  When we are out and about and people ask how old she is, they are surprised when we say her age. Everyone always says that she's so tiny, so I guess I expected it.  I am just surprised that she's so short. 

The pediatrician estimates that she'll be about 5'4-5'5 like mommy and thinks that she will be the late bloomer in her class.  I'm so perfectly fine with that!  I don't need to deal with boobies in the second grade.  Richie was happy with this answer as well.

At her one year appointment

She's is on target with all of her development but is ahead of the game on her behavioral development.  The doctor saw first hand how she likes to test her limits and so instead of working on the parent "homework" for 12 months, we are on the 15 months "homework."  At 12 months, parents should be using the word "no" and teaching the child that it means something.  Well, Kinley understands the whole "no" aspect but likes to take it a step beyond that and test us to see if there are consequences.  So now we're on the 1-2-3 stage.  Dr. Natalie witnessed my struggle with Kinley pulling my hair and thinking it's hilarious.  I would tell her no and she'd laugh at me (which is my fault because I think that everything she does -good or bad- is freaking adorable, and I laugh at her when I should be serious) so Dr. Natalie said "NO! We don't pull mommy's hair because that is ouchie to mommy!" and Kinley was shocked.  She looked at the Dr. with huge eyes and was just floored that someone other than mommy or daddy would tell her no.  But she didn't cry, as I expected her to.

A few seconds later, she yanked my hair again.  Dr. Natalie again said "NO! We don't pull mommy's hair because that is ouchie to mommy!" and I pulled her hands off of my hair.  A few seconds later, Kinley looked over at the Dr. out of the corner of her eye and grabbed my hair again....  she tests everyone!  So Dr. Natalie took her from me and gave her to Richie and told her that since she wouldn't stop pulling mommy's hair, that she had to sit with daddy for a while.  Kinley was just like "whatever lady."  Haha  But I couldn't hold it in and I started laughing uncontrollably.  To me, it was hilarious because Kinley's little face was so serious.  The Dr. said "mom, you are not helping the situation."  But honestly, I couldn't hold my laugh in any longer.  Ugh.  This is going to be some serious homework for me...and I thought Shakespeare was challenging.

We've had a few rough nights lately where Kinley is getting up crying a few times a night.  Dr. Natalie thinks we're super close to getting a tooth and says that its most likely the cause of the night wakings.  She has encouraged me to drop those day time nursings and keep them only for naps and bedtime.  It's going to be so hard, but I know that I have to do it for school anyway.  So I'm going to try and cut one or two out during the day. 

Other than that, she is doing perfectly.  I'm so super proud of her.  I've noticed such subtle differences in her since her birthday.  It's almost like she knows that she is one now and that she needs to act like a toddler, because it's like she's just more independent all of a sudden.  She is getting around so much easier, doing so much more than she seemed to a week ago....  she grew up and I feel like I didn't even notice.  :(

Today I have to get busy on her Thank You cards and our Christmas cards.  I *have* to do it.

I have hit yet another road block on my school plans.  It's nothing that will prevent me from starting back in January as planned, but just more crap to deal with that I hadn't planned on.  And it's my own fault, really.  I may have to take yet another class.  Or retake it, I should say.  I took in initially in '99 so technically it's expired.  I haven't heard if they're going to make me redo it for sure or not, but knowing my luck, I will be adding it to the list.  My goal is to just get graduated as quickly as possible.  I don't care about anything else at this point.  I have this semester, the summer off (or to pick up any courses that they throw at me at the last minute) and then student teaching in the fall.  Then I am done, done, done.  I hope.

Don't mess with the mommy of a sick baby....

Ooooh, I'm so mad!  I'm so mad....and there is nothing that I can do about it.  I hate that. 

I took Kinley to see Dr. Natalie yesterday.  Aside from the diarrhea, there were no new symptoms.  She had sporadic pain crying episodes but they were followed by diarrhea...so obviously we're still dealing with the side effects of our ONE DOSE of that stupid antibiotic.

Dr. Natalie apologized several times for the stupid radiologist and doctor on call.  They admitted that they didn't even look at her chart before calling me to put the fear of God in me by saying MY BABY has pneumonia.  THEY DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT HER CHART.  They would have seen that Dr. Natalie already ruled out pneumonia based on her TWO blood cultures.  What they saw on the xray was an inflamed lymph node.  And Dr. Natalie said that the antibiotic was like pulling out an uzi when she needed a BB gun....and she only needed the BB gun IF SHE HAD PNEUMONIA!  But she DIDN'T.  Why would they prescribe one of the strongest antibiotics for an infant that has NEVER had a prescribed medication.  She's never had an antibiotic to even know how her tiny 18 pounds would react to it!

I'm hot about it, to say the least.

Dr. Natalie said that we could be fighting the aftermath of that antibiotic for up to a week.  I have to eat at least 4 Activia yogurts a day to get the probiotics in my breastmilk.  She can't have any fruits, except bananas and she is to eat only starchy foods for now.  She's also afraid that Kinley could get a yeast infection and pass it into my breast through breastfeeding.  Gee, all of these nice things to deal with.  Thank you very much Mr. Radiologist.

Isn't this malpractice?  I mean, to prescribe a medication to a baby that is that strong and that is giving her diarrhea 24 hours after the fact?  And she had only one dose?  Can you imagine if we didn't go to the ER that night?  We would have continued with the doses and who knows where we would be right now!?  She could be fighting dehydration on top of everything else.

I don't know what to do....I want to write someone and let them know that this is NOT acceptable.  But I don't want to jeopardize our great relationship with Dr. Natalie.  Do I let this go?  Do I push the issue? 

What would you do?

Aside from the antibiotic issue....we're considering her "recovered" from the virus.  She's been fever free for two days and she's back to her normal self, for the most part.  Had I not given her that dose of antibiotic, we'd be free and clear right now.  But we're not.

She thinks we're fools....and she's right.

I got seven calls from Kinley's pediatrician's office yesterday.  Not an exaggeration.  The last call that I received of the day was to inform me that the radiologist reviewed the chest films and found an area of pneumonia in her lungs.  They wanted her to start an antibiotic and be seen tomorrow (today).  Finally!  A real answer as to why she's been so sick!  It all made sense now.  She was very off yesterday...just not herself.  And now I know why.  So Richie picks up the antibiotic after work, we pull out our vaporizer and get the saline drops for her nose as recommended.  We were all set to kick this bug in the boo-tay.

Last night, however, she was acting like our "old Kinley."  She was all over and in to everything.  She even discovered the stairs and our hall bathroom for the first time.  No joke, she was *everywhere*!  We were so happy because we haven't seen our happy-go-lucky baby in so many days. She ate dinner with us (and lots of it!) and seemed to be back to her healthy self. 

She went down for bedtime about 9:20 and it seemed like the worst was behind us.  It seemed.

I am convinced that Kinley's favorite hobby is to make us look like fools.  She's become so good at it. 

An hour or so after she went down to bed...she woke us up screaming this horrific scream.  Richie ran in to give her the paci back but she just screamed louder and louder.  We couldn't comfort her.  I tried rocking her, Richie tried rocking her.  I tried nursing her.  We brought her to our bed to see Lucy.  Everything I could think of, we tried.  She just kept screaming.  It was a pain scream.... we were panicked.  Didn't I want to learn from my mistake of reacting to a panicked situation?

This time Richie demanded that I call Dr. Natalie.  So we gave her Tylenol and waiting 15 minutes or so and called her.  Kinley was still screaming.  She acted shocked that she was on an antibiotic.  You see, she was off yesterday and come to find out, she disagreed with the radiologist's findings of pneumonia.  She told us to take her in the ER and she would call and let them know we were on our way.

On the way to the ER, we hear her making her sounds in the back seat..."whoosh, whoosh, Eeeee!, Eeeee!  whoosh, whoosh, woof."  Richie and I just look at each other.  Here it is 1:00 in the morning, we're making the trip to the ER and she's in the backseat "woofing" at Lucy (who is at home).  The whole 20 minute drive we debated turning around.  She totally played us! 

We get to the ER...figured that we were on our way, we might as well just go.  Walk in and Kinley acts like she's meeting up with long lost friends.  I'm sure we looked like fools.  We register and then have a seat in the waiting room.   Luckily the place was pretty much empty.  A knife wound came in so that got priority...so there was a short wait.  During that wait, Kinley used us as human trampolines, told us a very long story using her hands to express how dramatic her story was, woofed for Lucy some more and thought that this whole game of "her drop, we pick up" was a great time.  We got up and walked back to registration and said that we are leaving.  She's obviously fine and there was no need to waste anyone's time.

The girl convinced us to stay due to her pneumonia diagnosis.  We should have just left.

We got called back to the room and you could tell that the triage, the RN and the doc all thought we were nuts.  She was laughing, waving, jumping, talking, telling stories....Grrrrr. 

The ER doc did tell us that both him and Dr. Natalie are in agreement that the radiologist was wrong and her lungs are clear.  They decided to discontinue the antibiotic because the one that was prescribed is way too strong for her.  It causes severe belly discomfort and diarrhea.  No joke?  She crapped all over the place after dinner.  Grrrr

So the doc did a quick check over her and said that he agrees that it's just a virus and that she basically just played us.  Nice.  I'm sure we're going to pay him a few grand to confirm the fact that our daughter rules the roost at our house. 

She did cry on the way home but only because it was now 3AM and she was done playing her game and wanted to go back to bed.  We did too. 

Poor Richie only got about 2 and a half hours of sleep last night and had to go to work today.  It'll be an early night in this house.   If Kinley allows it, I guess.

A few things have come from this:  1.  I will be writing a letter to Children's Hospital to inform them of my dissatisfaction in their services.  They should have done a more thorough check of her.  Even though the pneumonia diagnosis is in debate right now, they should have checked for it.  2.  The radiologist needs to leave the diagnosing to our pediatrician and NOT call me to tell me my daughter has pneumonia.  And NOT have an antibiotic strong enough for a small horse prescribed for her.  He owes us $30 for a medication we won't be using.  3.  I will be discussing the whole "cry it out" method for Kinley today with Dr. Natalie.  We decided that we need to take control back from this little Diva. 

We love her to the moon and back a few hundred times, but boy....this girl has us whipped!

My sick baby girl...

O.M.G.  I rarely use that "phrase" but right now, it's the best way to sum it up.  I've had a baby attached to me for three days.  Where do I start? 

First of all, I want to thank everyone for their concern and prayers for our Kinley Bug.  I sure hope that we're on the up-swing...but I'm not confident in that quite yet.

So it started on Friday, she was fussy and refused napping and started running a low grade temp.  No big deal.  We have been blaming her lack of naps, poor night time sleeping, fussiness on teething.  She's now ten months old with no teeth. Surely they've got to be coming, right?

Saturday the low grade continued but she acted completely fine.  Her appetite was great, her mood was good....we spent the day in the city going to the Aquarium and eating at Ed Debevics with our out of town guests.  She got warmer as the day went on but she was in great spirits. 

Saturday night was pure hell.  She was up every hour and her fever kept climbing.  She ended up in bed with us and finally was able to sleep for about three hours. 

Sunday morning was the marathon and I had decided that I would stay home with her and let Richie go to the city to cheer for Paul.  Her fever was up to about 102.5 at around 6 a.m.  By 8:30 we had it down to 99 and she was back to normal and playing on the floor as normal.  We started to think that maybe she was over it...  we decided that if she was still acting well by the time the 10:45 train time, we'd go ahead and take her in to see Paul finish the race and then come straight home.

Train time came around and she was still doing fantastic, so we packed her up and to the city we went.  (Mommy mistake #1)  All the way there on the train she was doing great!  No fever, acting happy.... we thought the worst was behind us!  We both thought that it must be teething.  I still had that motherly instinct that had me on high alert, but I blamed that whole Psycho Mommy thing I have going on.  My most valuable lesson so far, is TRUST THAT INSTINCT.

We got off the train, still no fever.
We walked the few blocks from the train station to the marathon area....still no fever.
We found the finish line area, checked for fever....104.5.

WTF.  (I don't use that "phrase" too often either.)

PANIC.  The family (Richie's mom, dad, sister) found us and saw the fear that we had while I held our baby girl, down to a diaper and crying.  They told me to run her to Buckingham Fountain and dunk her to cool her down.  All that was going through my mind at that moment was when our new (trusted?) pediatrician said to me "febrile seizures are brought on by the temp going up or down too quickly...that is why we don't recommend cool baths for fevered babies."  I had her advice in my head and the family (Richie's mom is a nurse, so she knows) telling me to do the opposite.  I didn't know what to do!  We didn't have our car in the city to just go home.  All of the streets were closed down, so we couldn't get to a cab to get back to the train...I've never felt so stranded IN MY LIFE.  We put Kinley in her stroller and thought that walking her around in the shade would help her to stop crying and calm down.  It didn't work.  She cried harder when I put her down.
I couldn't remember our new doctor's last name.  We call her "Dr. Natalie" everyone calls her "Dr. Natalie" and I couldn't remember the name of the freakin' practice.  I didn't program her number into my phone yet.  (Mommy Mistake #2).  All that I could remember was that pediatrician that we chose but then decided against after her 9 month well visit.  So I called him.  Told him the situation (for all he knew, we were still his patient.  I didn't officially "fire" him yet--thank God) and he said to get her to the ER immediately. 

OMG.  (I guess I do use this "phrase" more than I thought.)

It was like a movie, I was standing in the middle of Grant Park in Chicago, holding my screaming baby, looking all around and seeing NO ONE that could help us get our baby to the ER.  Richie ran up to a race official in a golf cart and said we have to get to the hospital now.  He told us to jump in and off we went.  Kinley was a limp rag at this time....completely lethargic.  Oh, let me back up.  As soon as we got the 104.5 reading, we gave her Motrin.

The golf cart took us to the marathon medical tent.  They got us cold rags and called an ambulance.  The only way out of there was via walking or an ambulance.  They didn't feel safe letting us walk a few blocks to an open street to catch a cab.  (Mommy Mistake #3).

The ambulance ride was THE MOST traumatic for both Kinley and me.  I never, ever, ever, ever, want to see my tiny baby strapped to a stretcher AGAIN.  I have never felt so helpless in my life.  Richie wasn't allowed to go with us so he had to run with the stroller to an open street to catch a cab to the ER.

Traffic was horrible.  With the marathon going on, there were an estimated 1+ million spectators in town.  All of that plus the usual city traffic....the ambulance didn't get far very fast.  The sirens were blaring, Kinley was screaming and I was doing my very best to rub her little ear lobe and sing "You Are My Sunshine" while trying to fight back the tears.  It was hell.  I didn't want Kinley to see me upset because I was trying to keep her from being more scared than she already was.

Finally got to Children's Memorial and rushed into the ER.  Her fever was down to 102.7 and they couldn't have been more relaxed.  They gave her a dose of Tylenol and that was about it.  No joke.  They said they consider a high fever to be 108.  ARE YOU ______ KIDDING ME?  In our defense, the doctor told us to come.  But they acted like we were fools for arriving via ambulance.  When they realized that we were standing in the middle of the marathon finish area when this all happened, they quickly changed their tune and understood why we had to do what we did.  Richie arrived about twenty minutes after we did ($16 cab ride, damn!).  Kinley was up and playing pat-a-cake before we were discharged with orders to follow up with the "fired" doctor.

We cabbed it back to the train station.  Had a two hour wait for our train back home so we grabbed some food in the food court.   Kinley ate and drank and acted fine.  Little booger.
Her fever remained in the 101-102 range all night long.  She went back to being lethargic and miserable Sunday night.

Monday we woke up and her fever was still at 102.  I called Dr. Natalie and was completely disappointed.  I had to jump through so many hoops and talk to THREE different people to convince them to get me in that day.  What is it with doctor's offices up here?!  Seriously!  My baby has been sick since Friday, was seen in the ER on Sunday and is STILL fevered.  GET HER IN!  After the third person I talked to, they agreed to see her at 11:45.

Upon arrival at the doctor....her fever was 102.7 and Dr. Natalie pushed the call button to get the nurses in there.  She immediately ordered her to be catheterized, a chest xray and blood culture "stat".  PANIC!  Why?  What did she think was wrong?  She initially thought a UTI or Pneumonia. 

As a mom, having to hold your baby down for these procedures has got to be the worst.  I think she cried for the entire four hour appointment.  Yes, we were there for FOUR hours. 

The urine came back clear.  UTI ruled out.
The chest xray came back clear.  Pneumonia ruled out.
Blood culture came back questionable.  White blood cell count is 10,000 at a normal range.  She expects it to be 15,000 for a sick infant.  Kinley is at 18,000.  The level that shows she's fighting a bacterial infection is at 8.0 and the level that says she's fighting a viral infection is 8.1 (or vice versa, I can't remember for sure--and there are "technical terms" for these levels but remembering those are not high on my priority list).  So we are left with a big fat ?.  The other issue is that another level of cells (sorry, can't remember that technical name either) is elevated and shouldn't be.  She explained it to me as this.....think of these cells as your army.  The white blood cells are your front line.  You send more "guys" out when you're sick and need them to fight.  This group (the elevated ones that I can't remember the name of) is the army that is still in boot camp.  They aren't mature enough to be "sent out" to fight anything.  So why is her body over producing them right now? 

She decided to give her a shot of Roceffin (sp?) and see her again today.  She isn't sure that what she's fighting is bacterial but she said it was her only line of possible defense.  We go back this afternoon, 24 hours from the time of the shot.

I have noticed that her fever hasn't gone above 101 since the shot, but she's very limp and lethargic still. 

I don't know what to think.  We had about an hour of "Happy  Kinley" last night and daddy gave mommy a 10 minute breather break and read her a book.  She's been nursing like a champ (thank goodness, cause that is the best medicine) but her appetite has dwindled to not much of anything. 

All that  I can say is that this has been the worst time of my life.  I can't help her and she looks at me with these tear soaked eyelashed eyes and just wants me to fix it.  I can promise that I won't give up until we find answers as to why the fever won't go away.  I don't care how much the tests cost.  I don't care how many doctors we have to go to.  I don't care whose feelings I will hurt.  The reason for the fevers and sickness is there, we just have to find it. 

Today is day 5 of fever and sickness.  Hopefully it's the last.  So many things have come to light during this time of trial as  parents.  Lots of things to work through, that's for sure.  But that is for another time....and another blog.   So many of you have been asking what was going on with her that I felt I should take my first break (in several days) to fill you in. 

She woke up at 5:30 this morning crying, fevered, etc.  I nursed her and she sat up in my lap for a couple of hours.  She fell asleep on my shoulder and I carried her to bed.  This is her first nap in her crib in a long time. Normally if I put her down she screams...so this could be a good sign.  I needed this nap, and so did she.

Iron Woman

Finally!  A full night's sleep!  Kinley didn't wake up at all during the night.  And it's a good thing because Richie and I were both feeling pretty ick when we went to bed last night.  I had that ick feeling in the back of my throat....you know that one that taunts you right before you get sick?  And Richie was all stuffed up with a headache.  We were both falling asleep while trying to watch The Biggest Loser and Kinley was still playing up a storm.

She is getting so big...it seems that every single day she's learned something else.  And I love watching it happen.  This is when being at home pays off....I get to see each moment when she has that "ah-ha!" when she figures something out.  Her newest thing is pulling up.  She will only pull up to her knees but is so close to going onto her feet.  I think she's still scared, and secretly, I love that.  But she's pulling up on everything.  Everything.  It scares the bejeezes outta me and if you think that the whole "wrap your kid in bubble wrap" hasn't crossed my mind, you're not a devoted enough reader.  :)  I want to prevent every bump, bruise, scrape, heartbreak...but know that I can't.  That's got to be one of the hardest things as a mom.  But only one of the hardest.  There are about a million hard things.



Richie got off of work a little early yesterday and was able to go with me for yet another pediatrician interview.  Let me just say that this doctor knocked me off my feet!  She hit it out of the park!  It was almost like she knew exactly what  we wanted before we even opened our mouths.  I scheduled Kinley's one year (gasp!) appointment before even leaving her office.  We both were just so happy with her and her practice.  I thank my friend, Rachel, back home for referring us to her.  I now have one less load on my shoulders to carry.  Now if only I could drop that whole Shakespeare load...

Today Kinley and I are going to the police department for her carseat safety check.  She's been in her new carseat for several weeks now but the lady that does the inspections has been on vacation and just got back to me yesterday to schedule.  After that, we're heading to a mommy group play date.  It'll be our first time meeting with the group and I'm pretty nervous.  Hopefully we fit in...  Being the psycho mom that I am, I'm already stressing because it's in a mall play area and I know how badly those places breed germs.  You don't know how tempted I am to bring my Clorox Wipes and Lysol.  That would make me look too over the top though, right?  I guess there is a cushy play area for the itty bitty's to crawl around and play, so we'll see how this goes.  I'm sure that Kinley will love it.  It's just the psycho mom that will be a nervous wreck.

We had to take Kinley's mobile away yesterday.  I put her down for a nap and then jumped into the shower.  I turned on the monitor just because, I'm psycho like that.  I was not even to the conditioner stage of my shower (I shower in the exact same order every.single.time) when I heard her mobile turn on over the monitor.  I thought, hmmmm, how did she figure that out?  So I just figured that it was a short nap and she decided to get up.  Then I hear the clang (or is it klang?...actually, it wasn't a c/klang at all...the mobile is not metal, it's plastic......you get the idea) and I can't figure out what she's doing.  Then I hear a very loud "thud" and then a hard cry.  I'm guessing that she was trying to hang from the mobile.  Nice, huh.  Not really what you want to hear in the shower.  Needless to say, the shaving my legs step was nixed.  She had a nice red mark on the side of her face but she was okay.  Daddy took away the mobile last night.  Just another step toward the "not my baby anymore" life.  In all honesty, that mobile was a waste of money.  I think that the hanging from it incident was probably the most attention she has ever paid to it.

Oh, and speaking of the whole shower thing....I took this picture to prove to you how bad my 2 foot by 3 foot afro is un-ironed.  I kid you not.  It's a beastly thing, no?  Who needs a Halloween costume when you have locks like this?  Maybe I should go as the Un-Brazillian Blowout?  You've heard of the Brazillian Blowout, right?  I so want one but totally can't justify spending $200 on something that will last like 9 weeks.  Can't do it.  I am getting closer to making the time to go to Ulta to get my curl product though.  Richie keeps telling me to just go and get it and it's now becoming less of a "don't want to spend money on luxury items" to more of a "I'm too lazy to drag myself and Kinley over to Ulta" issue.  But I'm really tired of ironing my hair everyday.  And it's not really the healthiest thing to do for your hair. 

On that note, I have to go iron my hair. 

Monday Funday

I got to sleep in today!  Yesssssss.  Kinley woke up screaming at about 2:30.  Richie ran in to give her the pac {read: "pass" as in pacifier} (I have night blindness and can't ever see well enough to find the stupid pac and make it into her mouth, luckily Richie takes on this dark task) and pray that she'd go back to sleep.  She didn't.  We laid in bed trying to go back to sleep despite her crying because we were trying to "teach her."  Yeah, that never works.  The last two nights she's gotten up at the butt-crack of dawn and we are trying to get her back on schedule.  Forty-five minutes later, she was still crying.  So I gave in and went to nurse her.  She nursed one side and  fell back to sleep. 

Poor angel. 
I hate letting her cry. 

This morning I didn't even hear Richie's alarm, his shower, him getting dressed, him eating, vaguely do I remember his kiss good-bye....and I don't remember hearing him leaving behind the biggest smile for my day.  Many months ago when Kinley was just a couple of months old, he left me a "thank you" note on this board and I never erased it.  It was my daily reminder to keep on, keeping on.  This makes my heart melt.

I realized that it's okay for me to sleep in today.  I needed it.  And he doesn't think I'm lazy because of it.

I had a dream last night that just hit me deep inside and I think it's one of those that I'll carry around all day.  You know the kind.  My dad passed away almost 5 years ago.  It still hurts every.single.day.  His birthday is coming up this Sunday so it's about time for the dreams to begin.  Last night was the start of my new yearly ritual.  In my dream, I received news from a guy I went to high school with (that I'm now only facebook acquainted with) that my dad was not in fact dead, but was in jail at a local jail.  He said that he worked with him and that no one was supposed to know that he was in jail.  I was elated to know that he was still alive and here on this Earth--and I was going to get to introduce him to Kinley Grace.  I was running around trying to get things together to go and see him....but for some reason....I couldn't get there.  Something kept coming up to keep me from being ready to go.  It was terrible....he was close enough to finally see again and I couldn't get there.  I never did get to see him in my dream and for that I'm very sad.  It's the only place I can go to see him/touch him/smell him.  I hope that my next dream allows me my time with him.  I need it these days.

I'm crying too much to see the screen...must change the subject.

Last night we watched that new show "Sister Wives."  I couldn't ever live that lifestyle, basically because I'm too jealous a person.  But don't they make it seem appealing?  Wow....a couple other women to share the life tasks with?  Dang....sign me up!  But then sharing your husband?  No way.  I quit.  Game over.  And then to find out he's dating outside of the three marriages he already has?!  I'd go psycho.  More than I already am.  I'm totally diggin' the show though.  Richie is too.  I'm glad too, cause our Sunday nights were pretty dry for TV watching.

So you remember how I said before that I was super hesitant about the pediatrician we (I) chose?  Well, this weekend Richie jumped on my bandwagon and said "that's it!"  And when Richie says "that's it," well, that's it.  You see, on Friday, I was having a bad case of psycho mom and noticed that Kinley was pulling at her ears.  They were bright red, she was crying, sticking her fingers in them.....typical ear infection signs.  So I call the dr and of course they can't get her in.  (What happened to your same day sick visit, Mr. Dr.?)  They say that they'll see her at 10 the next morning.  Whatever.  Well I give in and give her Tylenol, or the generic for it, since Tylenol can't stop recalling their brand.  I'm not the kind of mom that gives meds very often.  I use it as a last resort because I'm....well, psycho.  So she gets Tylenol because, God forbid, if she's uncomfortable and they aren't helping me, a moms gotta do what a moms gotta do.  Immediately, she stopped and went back to her regular routine.  Okay, so not immediately...but soon after.  Either she was just being dramatic (no, not my daughter!) or something was bothering her that was quickly remedied with Tylenol, or the generic version. 

So then Saturday morning at about 8:00, Richie and I decided we would cancel the appointment since she hadn't shown symptoms for about 24 hours.  I made him call to do the cancellation since he was up my butt about "getting ready."  We had friends in town for the weekend and were going to the city to play tourists.  Me getting ready requires some time.....now that I've put myself on luxury spending restrictions, I'm out of my hair product that allows me to wear my natural curls.  I can't wash and go without a three foot by two foot afro.  So that leaves one option.  Flat iron.  I have a ton of hair.  TON OF HAIR. and it is no quick task to flat iron these locks.  So, yeah.  He's on my butt about "hurry and get ready so we can go" and I didn't want to take a break to call the dr to cancel, because let's face it.  I'm so ADD that if I stop doing my hair to call the dr, somehow I'll end up folding laundry or loading the dishwasher despite having my hair half ironed, half in a ball on top of my head in a clip.  That's just how I roll.
Back to the dr.  So Richie calls and he's put on a loop of music and the occasional "please hold, there are XX callers in front of you." He's about to lose it.  We're used to our perfect pediatrician back home who really makes you feel like you're the only patient he sees.  He gives up and decides to leave a message to have them return our call.  He always gets tongue tied when leaving messages (or ordering in a drive thru, but that's another thing) so he throws the phone at me to leave a message.  I love how he gives me that "I'm so impressed" look when he listens to me leave a message.  I have the gift of speaking with a tone of "so friendly, but if you don't call me back quick-like, I'll turn the wrath of psycho-mom on you're arse." 

They then call back in about ten minutes.  Richie answers, they confirm our cancellation, life continues on.  Kinley is fine. 

Richie then asks what is up with the XX amount of callers in front of his.  I told him that you call into a main number and then that phone operator disperses the messages to whichever dr's office it's directed to.  That was it.  He said that we were pulling her from them asap.  Too big and too un-personal.  I couldn't agree more and secretly, I was jumping up and down inside to have not had to make that decision.  Today I'm calling another doctor that came from a recommendation from a friend back home.  I'm excited to get the appointment booked to meet her.

I have a plethera (I've always wanted to use that word) of things to do today.  My house is in the typical Monday condition and I have a full day's work to get it back to where it needs to be.  It's laundry day in our house.  Richie's company does his work laundry (sweet huh!) and all that we have to do is make sure it's there for them to pick up on Thursday morning.  Well, yeah.  My mind is obviously mush on Wednesday night because for the second week in a row, I'm washing the stupid work uniforms.  I vow to NOT forget this week.  I'm setting up a reminder in my phone now.  I hate washing his work uniforms.  They seriously make such a mess of my washer and dryer.  There is usually enough wood chips and tree parts in the dryer lint filter to have my own forest by now.  And that can't be good for the dryer.

Richie told me to go and get my curl product for my hair (he must be tired of waiting on me) but I am going to wait for Ulta to have a sale on it.  They seem to rotate their ads, so it should be coming around again soon.  I have to run to the post office (that is one errand that I love doing....it feels so old fashioned to go to the post office, do you agree?) and I still have two returns in my car that I was supposed to do over a month ago.  I never seem to get anything done.  Oh, but I did get the note done to that restaurant manager!  It felt so good too!  You should try it.  It feels amazing to do nice things for other people.  I highly recommend it.

What's up, Doc?

My baby girl is sick.  I thought I was miserable when I got sick...ha, that was nothing.  Her being sick is a million times worse.  If I could take it from her, I would.  And you know, I'm not even sure I could call it "sick."  She did get two shots at her 9 month well check yesterday.  Funny how you bring them in "well" and you take them home miserable as all get out.  Strange how that works, isn't it?  Maybe they should call them "screw you" checks instead of "well" checks.  Can you tell I'm bitter?

I did interview four different pediatricians with four different styles and approaches to practice.  I chose the one that I did because he seemed the closest to what I had in southern IL.  I loved her first pediatrician.  Like, enough to move back so that she can continue care with him.  But that wouldn't be very reasonable would it?  Moving back for a pediatrician, ha.  But I would.

So let me highlight the reasons that I chose the doctor that I did.  He was:

• friendly
• down to Earth
• his staff was super welcoming and greeted us like we had been patients there forever
• he was "real" and not a stiff professional
• he claimed that his approach to care was to build a personal relationship with each patient and family; he claimed that he wanted to recognize mom's voice on the other end of the phone when she has to call for help
• he was open to an adjusted vaccination schedule and agreed to continue with the schedule that we were on with our initial pediatrician (love him.)
• he agreed to discuss with me any treatment plan and have an open mind to my opinions and views of treatment
• he is associated with the hospital that has the top notch pediatric unit in the area

Pretty good points, huh.  Now you see why I chose him?

I get there for her appointment yesterday.  The staff was just as welcoming and great.  There was no one in the waiting room (which I like because I don't want my child catching whatever disease the other children in the waiting room are being seen for) and we didn't wait more than a minute to get called back.  The first girl that we saw (she's not a nurse but maybe a nursing assistant?) did the vitals and weight, height, head, etc. 

Now yesterday morning I was concerned that Kinley may be coming down with something.  I had been battling a sore throat for two days and then yesterday my normal 6:30 Kinley wake up call didn't come till almost 10:00.  That's so not like her.  And then when she did get up, there weren't the usual smiles.  I did check her temp before we left and it was 98.9.  So I didn't worry. 

Anyway, back to the appointment.  When the assistant girl did her temp, it read 98.7 under the arm.  I asked her, do you add a degree to that since it was under the arm?  She replied, "ummmm, sometimes we do.  It depends if the dr wants to or not."  Excuse me?  It's one way or the other.  Do you add a degree?  Because I know that I do at home.  If you add a degree, my daughter has a temp.  Ms. Assistant then says, "well, we don't get concerned until it's 102 or higher."  Well that's all fine and dandy that she doesn't get concerned until it is at 102, but she doesn't realize that she's dealing with psycho mom here, and I worry when her temp is over 99. 

I told myself to calm down and trust the professionals and surely if there was cause for concern the doctor would address it.  I'm getting better about that....talking myself down off the mommy ledge that I so love to dance on.

The doctor then came in and shook my hand and said "nice to meet you!"  Ummmm, we've met.  Haha, glad that you "like to know your patients!" (bullet point number 5 above is now discounted)  When he recognizes that he screwed up, he said "oh that's right, we met.  You're a principal, right?"  Ummmm, no.  "A teacher?"  Ummmm, no.  "Hmmm, I wonder where I got that?"  Gee, I dunno.  I'm not entertained, Mr. doctor guy.  At this point, my faith is a bit faded in him.  He pretends that we'll just forget that awkward introduction to our appointment and asks why we're there.  Are you kidding me? 
He asks about her diet, is she breast or bottle?  I answer breast, because writing it on the paper work and telling Ms. Assistant before wasn't enough.  And I say that she also eats three meals a day and sometimes snacks.  He then asks what she eats....I say that I make my own purees so she eats fruits, veggies that I make and now table food as well.
The appointment continues and he tells me what vaccinations are recommended and I tell him that I only will do the two that I want her to have and really don't care what is recommended.  He kind of scoffs at my demands and I just want to scream at him that we already discussed my vaccination schedule and he was fine with it in our interview.
At this point, I just want to ask for his twin because this dude is not the guy that I talked to the week prior.

He finally realizes that regardless of what is "recommended" he is not going to sway me and agrees to the two shots that I came for.  We then go through the million questions:  does she grab for toys?  does she pass toys from hand to hand?  does she look for a toy if you put it behind your back?  does she grab for food?  To which I respond, yes, yes, yes, yes.  "Great!  She's right on target developmentally!"  Don't you think that doctors should also look for signs that the children are doing this?  I dunno, maybe not.

And then, he asks me.....does she eat table food at all?  Ummmm, yes.  Grrrr.  You see my frustration?  Our first pediatrician (Dr. P) told me that by 9 months, he wants Kinley to be introduced to all foods.  He said that the earlier that you introduce a food, the least likely it will be that they develop an allergy.  Through talking to those of an older generation, I found this to be the general consensus.  So when I ask Dr. T (the new guy) about what foods he feels she should be introduced to, he says "let's stay away from honey, peanut butter, strawberries, citrus and if you feed her table food, keep it smaller than the tip of your pinky."  He may stroke if he watched Kinley shove about 8 bites of toast in her mouth at one time.  Seriously?  She would laugh at me if I gave her a pinky tip piece of toast.

The appointment with him closed with him making a joke that the nurse would be right in to do her anemia test (finger prick, which I was totally unprepared (emotionally) for) and administer the two shots.  When he realized that I was shocked by the finger prick, he said "don't worry, it's a finger prick and not a poison that he's putting in her body."  Hmmm, you mean unlike the vaccinations that you're about to put in her body?  But I didn't say that.
And then he joked "the shots aren't gonna kill her, I promise."  Nice, real nice.

Kinley had a low grade fever by the time we got home.  And it is a ten minute drive.

I'm really questioning my choice of doctor.  I really feel that I was mislead in our interview.  But then I ask myself if I'm just being too critical.  There is no doubt that my guard is pretty thick when it comes to the medical profession.  Just because they went to school for a bazillion years does not mean that they win my trust automatically.  My trust has to be earned and it's not easy to do!

My mind isn't made up to pull her from his practice but I'm definately not growing roots there just yet.  If Kinley wakes up with a fever and it doesn't break today, he's getting a call and we'll see if he "recognizes mom's voice."  Okay, he's met me twice.  Give the guy a break.  I know, I know. 

He did give me a OB/GYN referral but now I'm not too sure that I trust his recommendation.  I sure wish Richie could meet him as well so that I had a second opinion.  There are times that I go a bit overboard with emotion (gasp!  No way!) and it's even worse when it comes to my baby girl.  We go back next month for another vaccination so I'll make my decision after that appointment.