Monday Funday!

This sounds whack, I know, but I sure wish that I was still sick with gall stones.  I look back on those pictures and wish that I could look like that again.  I don't remember if I wasn't eating or maybe just wasn't using the food I ate, but dang!  I wanna look like that again!

I'm just about to reach that point of "okay, I've had enough" with my weight.  And until I reach that point, it's hard to do anything about it.  I have to be completely FED up before I'll move.  The last two days, I have gotten up at 5:45 to give me a half hour to go walking before Richie leaves for work.  That half hour is more for my mental health than physical though.  I am walking briskly, blaring iTunes in my ears, clearing my head.  Today my play list bounced from S&M by Brit Brit to High Enough by the Damn Yankees.  I know, right?!  And all the while, I was daydreaming that Charlie Tango would come flying down from the sky and Mr. Grey would be picking me up for a date.  Yeah, yeah, dream on!

I have read so much about the 300/30 challenge, or whatever it is, and I even tried it yesterday.  I almost died on my bedroom floor only 50 reps in.  It was sad.  And made me feel even more discouraged.  So for now, I am setting the pace pretty simple.  My 30 minute walk/hopefully working up to a run, and simple crunches.  Baby steps.

I highly doubt that I'll ever make it back to what I looked like a few months post giving birth, but man, I would like to try!

Makes me ill.  Three months after having a baby and I was this thin....  Hard not to beat myself up a bit.  This whole getting old thing isn't going well!

Yesterday, I took Kage to a new (to us) farm and oh boy, it was awesome.  It's about fifteen minutes from where we live and I must have been living under a rock to not know about it.  Like I had mentioned before, I have been scoping the kid scenes for cheap/free summer events to partake in with my girl.  This farm had a free day yesterday...and believe or not, it was not at all crowded. Kinley was in heaven.  They had a carousel, pony rides, train rides, tractor rides, animals!  The girl was loving it!  And, with no crowd, so rode the rides over and over with no wait.

Stopped for a quick hair trim on our way

Kinley checking out the one room school house museum on site

Here she is riding the pony named Peanut Butter

She loves him!

"Heehaw" calling the donkey

Her beautiful hair!

Had to ride Chip too

ChooChoo!

Anxiously waiting for the choo choo to pick her up

They offer season passes and I have a feeling that we need to invest in that.  What a fun place to go and so close to home!

Last night we had her 2.5 year well check.  Dr. Natalie is so amazing and we are so fortunate to have found her.  We had a great scare a few months ago when she announced that she was leaving the practice.  I was in tears over it.  But the rumor mill began to roll and we heard that she was opening her own practice.  She confirmed last night that it is true and she will be opening a "small town" feel office including home calls.  And she is focusing on holistic care, which is what I prefer.  Win/Win.  The visit went very well and Kinley a.k.a. "Dr. Malwi" (she insisted that she was Dr. Natalie) did great with her two vaccinations.  I however, didn't do well.  I really, really didn't want her to get any, but Dr. N reassured me that it would be okay.  And so far, (knock on wood), she hasn't had a reaction.

She had to bring her doctor supplies to her appointment

That was our day, in a nut shell.

Today we have nothing on the agenda, aside from the mundane grocery shopping, bank run and library.  Tonight is family library night but Richie has a work thing to attend.  I think that her and I may go after dinner.

Monday Mash

I'm glad that I did the Weekend Warriors post on Friday.  It allows me to look back and see what great intentions I had for this weekend!  Intentions.  I think that only one thing that I said that we were going to do, happened.  And that, my friends, was Kinley's 15 month appointment and shots.  I tried to avoid them, and I did one of them, but the other three, I couldn't avoid.  Grrrr.  The appointment left me uneasy.  Normally, I walk out of the appointments even more in love with our pediatrician than I was when I walked in.  Not this time.

There were several things that left a bad taste in my mouth, not literally.  When we first met her and interviewed with her, she was super flexible about vaccinations and even sided with me on many views about not doing certain vacs.  It was almost like she changed her mind or changed her views about them at our appointment.  She talked about the amount of immigrants coming into our area and how important these shots are...blah, blah, blah. 

Now, I understand that.  I'm not stupid.

But I also feel that doing too many vaccinations at one time is not healthy. 

Because the whole vaccinating your child issue is so controversial, I try not to get in to it much publicly here.  Because I'm not wanting my blog to become some forum for argument and drama.  But I have different views than the norm when it comes to my daughter. 

Despite me not wanting shots on Saturday, we walked out with three.  Way more than I was comfortable with.  And the worst part, is that it was me vs. my husband and pediatrician.  I didn't stand a chance--aside from grabbing Kinley and running out.

The doctor also gave me a lecture on addressing Kinley's behavior.  She thinks knows that I have zero discipline with Kinley.  She's the boss.  It's no secret.  On the order of hierarchy in our house, she's on top.  And well, we know that it's wrong and we don't want to live like that.  It just happened.  It happens when you worship and cherish every breath she takes.  We still see her as our tiny baby.  And truth be told, she's not.  She is a toddler who understands what we say and what we want from her.  We're allowing her to walk all over us.  And politely said, Dr. N told us that we either get her in check now, or we'll be in her office crying when she's three because she hits other children and disrespects us and other adults.

I get that.

But how do I change it?  Telling Kinley "no" has never been my strong point.  Heck, I breastfeed a 15 month old!  Obviously, I can't tell her no.  So she told me to read this book, 1-2-3 Magic, by Phelan.  And she says it will help me.  I need the help.  Because most of all, what my husband and I want, is a respectful child.  That is so important to us.  And to know that she's being taught that it's okay to disrespect us, and adults in general, is not okay.

So on Sunday, we practiced all day to begin treating her like the "big girl" that she's becoming.  Dr. N assured us that Kinley knows what we're saying.  And I think she's right.  It was amazing to see how much she understood and how independently she can think and react when Mommy isn't rushing in to the rescue.  It's a process and this is only the beginning, but isn't that what parenting is about?

I stopped nursing her yesterday.  I chose that as our day to be done.  Was it easy?  HECK NO.  Does she still ask to nurse?  Yes.  Often?  No.  When she's restless or tired, she puts her pacifier into my hand and rubs her face into my chest.  *insert heart break here*

But I tell her that nursie is for babies and that she is a big girl now.  So I offer her a milk sippy.  She's not in love with milk, but she'll sip on it.  Dr. N told us to get 2% organic with DHA added.  So that's where we start.  Hopefully she'll like it more as time goes on. 

This parenting stuff is hard.  I had no idea what I was getting myself in to....that's for sure.

The stupid shots (my tantrum) gave her a crazy fever Saturday night.  She went to bed at like 6 and slept till 6.  That was kind of nice for us, we actually watched TWO--2! movies on Saturday.  We haven't been able to do that since before I was pregnant.  (I was always so tired in my pregnancy, TV put me to sleep)  We had an unhealthy dinner in front of the TV and vegged.  It was so nice.  Mommy and Daddy needed that.  But we had to miss our dinner plans.....thank God for rain checks.

On Sunday morning, we were able to go to Church ABC.  We even made it to the 9 a.m. service!  So, okay, I guess I completed two of my Weekend Warrior tasks.  We were a few minutes late, but we made it.  And agreed that going early was a better fit for us.  Not only were we able to get motivated earlier but we got so much more out of our day!  We went to church and got our errands run before noon!  That was nice.

Church was amazing this week, again.  How is it that I hear exactly what I need to hear every week that I go?!  It's almost like they call me and say, "hey, what would you like us to talk about this week?"  No joke...that's how it feels.  And on our way home from church, my husband always asks, "so, what did you get from today's service" and we have the best discussions on the way home. I love Sundays.

We had to buy a new kitchen table this weekend, well, we ordered it.  I sold our table on Craigslist thinking that we'd find another one with no problem.  Yeah, not so much.  Our apartment is so much smaller than the town house (but I'm so much happier here, so much happier) and our dining "area" is tiny.  So our table just overpowered the space.  It fit....but with a huge highchair, it was just not working.  So we got a cheap, smaller, nice table set.  I was starting to enjoy eating on the couch, but my husband reminded me that we always said family style dinners would be a rule in our house with our family.  Ummmmmm, oh yeah.  Okay, I give.  He's right.  In a few days, the table will be here and we'll be back to family style. 

And since this blog is about fifty different things already, what is one more?  Finances.  I consider myself a Dave Ramsey fan.  A big fan, as a matter of fact.  Not only because his Financial Peace University is pretty awesome....but because I give him credit for making me a changed person.  I have really learned how to simplify and it's not only a financial change, but a personal change as well.  I've been able to let go of some really tedious, small things that used to bog me down.  It's very free-ing.  That make sense?  But since moving and trying to get settled in, I've lost my handle on our finances.  I have no idea what is coming in/going out and I'm starting to feel the anxiety from it.  I got to the point of knowing where each dollar went and who it went to....and right now, to be honest, I don't have a clue.  I couldn't even tell you what we have in our account.  No joke.  And that, gives me anxiety.  Life has been so hectic.  Moving, settling, school, baby toddler, life.  It all got in the way and I lost control.  I admit it. 

Spring break is this week.  I'm on it RIGHT NOW.  This very second.  So, my goals for spring break are as follows:

1. Get a grasp on our finances and budget.  This will be hard because I don't really know our bills right now.  New apartment, new utilities.  No clue how to budget for that yet.
2. Work ahead on my lesson plans.  I hope to get at least three written.
3. Finish one project for my other class--writing a model college level exam.  (barf)
4. Get our apartment cleaned and resembling some sort of organization.  Back to Goodwill I go with yet another donation.  We've donated SO MUCH stuff since the move....and we're not even close to being done.  Next year's tax write off will be soooo sweet.

I think I'll be so much more relaxed if I can accomplish those four things.  That's not asking too much of myself, right?

I guess I should be taking advantage of Kinley still being asleep and get started on my list.  That would be the smart thing to do.

Her accessories not only include her beloved necklace,
but now she insists on wearing bells on her ankle.
She is such a beautiful personality.
Yes, her hair is a mess, I'm aware.  But I refuse
to cut it.

What's up, Doc?

My baby girl is sick.  I thought I was miserable when I got sick...ha, that was nothing.  Her being sick is a million times worse.  If I could take it from her, I would.  And you know, I'm not even sure I could call it "sick."  She did get two shots at her 9 month well check yesterday.  Funny how you bring them in "well" and you take them home miserable as all get out.  Strange how that works, isn't it?  Maybe they should call them "screw you" checks instead of "well" checks.  Can you tell I'm bitter?

I did interview four different pediatricians with four different styles and approaches to practice.  I chose the one that I did because he seemed the closest to what I had in southern IL.  I loved her first pediatrician.  Like, enough to move back so that she can continue care with him.  But that wouldn't be very reasonable would it?  Moving back for a pediatrician, ha.  But I would.

So let me highlight the reasons that I chose the doctor that I did.  He was:

• friendly
• down to Earth
• his staff was super welcoming and greeted us like we had been patients there forever
• he was "real" and not a stiff professional
• he claimed that his approach to care was to build a personal relationship with each patient and family; he claimed that he wanted to recognize mom's voice on the other end of the phone when she has to call for help
• he was open to an adjusted vaccination schedule and agreed to continue with the schedule that we were on with our initial pediatrician (love him.)
• he agreed to discuss with me any treatment plan and have an open mind to my opinions and views of treatment
• he is associated with the hospital that has the top notch pediatric unit in the area

Pretty good points, huh.  Now you see why I chose him?

I get there for her appointment yesterday.  The staff was just as welcoming and great.  There was no one in the waiting room (which I like because I don't want my child catching whatever disease the other children in the waiting room are being seen for) and we didn't wait more than a minute to get called back.  The first girl that we saw (she's not a nurse but maybe a nursing assistant?) did the vitals and weight, height, head, etc. 

Now yesterday morning I was concerned that Kinley may be coming down with something.  I had been battling a sore throat for two days and then yesterday my normal 6:30 Kinley wake up call didn't come till almost 10:00.  That's so not like her.  And then when she did get up, there weren't the usual smiles.  I did check her temp before we left and it was 98.9.  So I didn't worry. 

Anyway, back to the appointment.  When the assistant girl did her temp, it read 98.7 under the arm.  I asked her, do you add a degree to that since it was under the arm?  She replied, "ummmm, sometimes we do.  It depends if the dr wants to or not."  Excuse me?  It's one way or the other.  Do you add a degree?  Because I know that I do at home.  If you add a degree, my daughter has a temp.  Ms. Assistant then says, "well, we don't get concerned until it's 102 or higher."  Well that's all fine and dandy that she doesn't get concerned until it is at 102, but she doesn't realize that she's dealing with psycho mom here, and I worry when her temp is over 99. 

I told myself to calm down and trust the professionals and surely if there was cause for concern the doctor would address it.  I'm getting better about that....talking myself down off the mommy ledge that I so love to dance on.

The doctor then came in and shook my hand and said "nice to meet you!"  Ummmm, we've met.  Haha, glad that you "like to know your patients!" (bullet point number 5 above is now discounted)  When he recognizes that he screwed up, he said "oh that's right, we met.  You're a principal, right?"  Ummmm, no.  "A teacher?"  Ummmm, no.  "Hmmm, I wonder where I got that?"  Gee, I dunno.  I'm not entertained, Mr. doctor guy.  At this point, my faith is a bit faded in him.  He pretends that we'll just forget that awkward introduction to our appointment and asks why we're there.  Are you kidding me? 
He asks about her diet, is she breast or bottle?  I answer breast, because writing it on the paper work and telling Ms. Assistant before wasn't enough.  And I say that she also eats three meals a day and sometimes snacks.  He then asks what she eats....I say that I make my own purees so she eats fruits, veggies that I make and now table food as well.
The appointment continues and he tells me what vaccinations are recommended and I tell him that I only will do the two that I want her to have and really don't care what is recommended.  He kind of scoffs at my demands and I just want to scream at him that we already discussed my vaccination schedule and he was fine with it in our interview.
At this point, I just want to ask for his twin because this dude is not the guy that I talked to the week prior.

He finally realizes that regardless of what is "recommended" he is not going to sway me and agrees to the two shots that I came for.  We then go through the million questions:  does she grab for toys?  does she pass toys from hand to hand?  does she look for a toy if you put it behind your back?  does she grab for food?  To which I respond, yes, yes, yes, yes.  "Great!  She's right on target developmentally!"  Don't you think that doctors should also look for signs that the children are doing this?  I dunno, maybe not.

And then, he asks me.....does she eat table food at all?  Ummmm, yes.  Grrrr.  You see my frustration?  Our first pediatrician (Dr. P) told me that by 9 months, he wants Kinley to be introduced to all foods.  He said that the earlier that you introduce a food, the least likely it will be that they develop an allergy.  Through talking to those of an older generation, I found this to be the general consensus.  So when I ask Dr. T (the new guy) about what foods he feels she should be introduced to, he says "let's stay away from honey, peanut butter, strawberries, citrus and if you feed her table food, keep it smaller than the tip of your pinky."  He may stroke if he watched Kinley shove about 8 bites of toast in her mouth at one time.  Seriously?  She would laugh at me if I gave her a pinky tip piece of toast.

The appointment with him closed with him making a joke that the nurse would be right in to do her anemia test (finger prick, which I was totally unprepared (emotionally) for) and administer the two shots.  When he realized that I was shocked by the finger prick, he said "don't worry, it's a finger prick and not a poison that he's putting in her body."  Hmmm, you mean unlike the vaccinations that you're about to put in her body?  But I didn't say that.
And then he joked "the shots aren't gonna kill her, I promise."  Nice, real nice.

Kinley had a low grade fever by the time we got home.  And it is a ten minute drive.

I'm really questioning my choice of doctor.  I really feel that I was mislead in our interview.  But then I ask myself if I'm just being too critical.  There is no doubt that my guard is pretty thick when it comes to the medical profession.  Just because they went to school for a bazillion years does not mean that they win my trust automatically.  My trust has to be earned and it's not easy to do!

My mind isn't made up to pull her from his practice but I'm definately not growing roots there just yet.  If Kinley wakes up with a fever and it doesn't break today, he's getting a call and we'll see if he "recognizes mom's voice."  Okay, he's met me twice.  Give the guy a break.  I know, I know. 

He did give me a OB/GYN referral but now I'm not too sure that I trust his recommendation.  I sure wish Richie could meet him as well so that I had a second opinion.  There are times that I go a bit overboard with emotion (gasp!  No way!) and it's even worse when it comes to my baby girl.  We go back next month for another vaccination so I'll make my decision after that appointment.

Randomness

My morning starts with a glass of Oberweis chocolate milk. I was so excited to crack that baby open...glass bottled milk, can't beat it right? It's always been a splurge that I've just never indulged in. Well, even though it was on sale for cheap, it wasn't worth it. I'm a skim milk kind of girl and choking down that thick chocolate syrup was not what the doctor ordered. I'll just leave it in the fridge for Richie. I am now having my coffee, with peppermint mocha creamer. Who knew that they now have that all year? I stopped at two different stores last night in search of a pumpkin flavored creamer and come home with peppermint mocha. It's good, but I want pumpkin.

Would you believe that it took me almost TWO HOURS to get to campus yesterday? Good ole' traffic. All routes were pretty clear except for 355. Luckily Kinley slept most of the way. We were supposed to leave the house at 7:30 yesterday morning but of course when we have something to do, Sleeping Beauty wants to sleep in. So we left at 8:00 and arrived at about twenty minutes till ten. I was ten minutes late for our first appointment. It was with financial aid and it wasn't a big deal cause the guy stood me up. Grrr. I was hoping to discuss some options for grants with him....or not. It did give me time to give Kinley her breakfast before our next appointment though.

I sat in the common area near the cafeteria to feed her and it felt so weird being there. It was familiar yet strange. The whole baby thing just made it odd. The Joy that was there before is soooo not the Joy that is here today.

Not much has really changed there, aside from the new parking lot. It's kind of like cobblestone but not. Either way, not stroller friendly because I feared that Kinley would have shaken baby syndrome by the time we made it to the doors. And by the way, don't you think that it should be universal that there should be a designated "Mom with young baby" parking spots next to the handicapped? Maybe I'm asking too much. It just always seems that it's either too sunny or rainy or cold and I hate dragging her through a parking lot in the weather. I just have the luck of finding that last parking spot waaaaaaay in the back and have to walk 15 minutes to get to the building.

After Fin Aid blew me off, I went up to meet with the advisor. She's new this year and the one she replaced was at least half a deck short. And that's being generous. I was thrilled to hear that we had a new (and improved?) advisor. Ha. Boy oh boy...this is just the old advisor in a younger body. Seriously. I showed up at her door and she acted like she had no clue who I was and when I told her she was like "oh, ummmm, yeah. I have been searching for your file and I can't find it anywhere. Do you happen to have copies of all of your stuff?" I did have copies (because I'm anal like that and have learned not to trust the previous advisor) but it's her job to have my file! I've been conversing with her for weeks via email and she's been telling me to take Shakespeare to fill my English concentration so obviously she was looking at SOME of my file. Ten minutes after her running from place to place looking for my file, she found it on top of her desk. So I push my big ole stroller into her cube and it nearly swallows the whole area. Every question I asked her, she had to run out to find out the answer. So it was stroller in, stroller out, stroller in, stroller out, stroller in...you get the idea. Every time she had to move, we had to push Kinley out. It was that cramped. I met with her for a good forty minutes only to find out that I'm on target and set to go. And I later found out that much of everything else she said was wrong.

I took a Stats class down in southern IL to cover my final math selective (advice from the previous advisor) only to learn yesterday that it was "Elementary Stats" that I completed (with an A, go me.) and that the "elementary" part of it makes it not fulfill the selective. So I filed a "petition" to see if they'd make a program exception since I was advised by my advisor to take the stupid class. See my frustrations?

Following that appointment, Kinley and I crossed the bridge into the administration area and met with the coordinator. It took her a while to figure out who I was...even though we emailed a few times a week for the past two. She kept thinking I was a different Joy. How many are there in this world? I guess the other one is also at GSU ready to student teach. It took a bit to get her bearings straight but once she did we got on the ball. Long story short, I'm good to go for Lab 2. My grades are phenomenal (her words, not mine, haha), my portfolio for Lab 1 was a 99/100 (go me, again...I'm still going) and I have all of my Candidate Tracking Form current and accurate (umm, go me). She told me that registration for Lab 2 opens November 1 (hmmm, the "advisor" told me Oct.25) and that I could register as soon as I was "flagged" as approved to enter into Lab 2 (not at the opening date, as my "advisor" told me).

Kinley was the perfect angel through every meeting and I was asked "is she always this good?" to which I replied "I am blessed." Not a peep out of her the whole time. Now the ride home was a different story. She sang and talked and cried and then slept. Only an hour to get home, by the way.

All in all, I was satisfied with my first visit back. It was all that I hoped it would be, despite the issues with financial aid and my advisor. But you have to remember that I'm used to the advisor thing. In my opinion, GSU has the worst administration staff but the most supurb instructors. And for me, the instructors are what make me want to come back.

Today our agenda includes Kinley's 9 month well check, with the Polio vaccine. Scary! The flu shot is also included on our schedule but I'm still undecided on that. I think she may still be a bit young for the flu shot. I'll discuss it with her doctor first. I have told myself that I chose him because I feel I can trust him. Therefore, I will trust my instinct after discussing it with him today. Can you tell that I'm still trying to convince myself that trusting a doctor is the right thing to do?

I don't want this blog to become a controversial place about vaccinations...I'll just say that I am an educated parent that made choices for our daughter the way I see fit for our family. She is on an alternative schedule because I feel it is best for her and only we know what is best for our daughter. End of that. I'm super excited about finding out her height and weight. After seeing her monthly calendar picture, I see how much she's grown since her six month well check. So we'll see how big (or little) she is this time around.
After the pediatrician, depending on how much the shot freaks her out, we have to go to the park district office to drop off Lucy's rabies certificate and buy our pass for her to go to the doggie park. It's right down the street from our house and she will LOVE it. We're really excited to take her there.

I have so much work for that Shakespeare class to do but so little drive to do it. I realize how crucial it is for me to do well in it to keep my GPA up but it's so hard for me to read (wah, wah, wah) and I just don't enjoy the reading. Now, I enjoy the movies! My mom has them in the mail to me as we speak. So there, I admit that I'm going to be one of "those students" that watch the movie before reading to help me understand. Some say that's cheating, I say it's a learning tool. And in my defense, I did TRY the reading first. I got through Act 1 and part of Act 2 before wanting to throw the book out the door. Not too shabby. Ha.

Have you noticed (sure you have) how random my blogs are? I keep telling myself to pick a topic and stick to it each day. I can't do it. I'm that random. Too random. But that's just me.

Last thing...I am missing my mommy group back home. Really missing the girls and babies.... so I searched out another mommy/baby group and found a MOPS group. I've heard good and bad and decided to check them out. The first meeting is on Friday and I am so stinkin' nervous. I may just chicken out. After I mail in the dues (it's due by Friday), Richie will make me go and I'll probably love it but I always have that fear that I won't fit in. That's normal, right? My goal right now is for us to find/make new friends. Friends with kids. We have friends up here but very, very few have children. None have small children. We really need to find friends that understand why we don't go out all the time, or why sometimes we'd just rather stay in and play cards, etc. So my first step to achieving this goal is MOPS and our second move is to find a chuch. There are *so many* to choose from here and I guess we'll just start shopping until we find one where we feel at home. That's how it works, right?

Kinley is still sleeping, so I better get in the shower now otherwise I'll have company for it later. Her appointment is before noon today so I've got to get on the ball. I've learned that a baby in tow creates a new way of "getting ready" and that new way takes at least two hours.