Better late than never!

I finally made it to the mall today to schedule Kinley's one year portraits.  Only a month late...but hey, better late than never!

Tomorrow morning, we will be gracing The Picture People with our presence!  Wish us luck, this wild child doesn't like to sit still for pictures.

Birthdays, Appointments and School...in that order.

I feel like it's been so long since I've last blogged.  I'm not sure I even remember how to do it!  Okay, that's a lie.  I'm good at rambling on and on and on.... it's like riding a bike.  Why do they say that?  Have you tried riding a  bike after a several year hiatus?  It's kinda scary.  No joke.  I tried it not too long ago, at Walmart.  Nevermind.

Where have I been?  Celebrating a very special birthday with a very special girl.  Then getting snowed in.  Then a pediatrician visit.  It's been busy 'round here.

The party was nice.  Very small, but nice.  Kinley was completely oblivious to the party.  She only cared about the fact that she had a very large room to push her dinosaur around.  The cake, she really didn't care about.  She squished it between her fingers until it didn't even resemble a cake anymore and then sucked a little off of her hand and shoved the rest into her ear while she "talked" on her "phone."  I know that the whole cake smash is what the first birthday is all about...but it was just too gross to me.  The thought of my baby ingesting that much sugar was too much.  And the clean up was even worse.  I mean, the cake was *compacted* into the child's ear canal.  I was slightly concerned with how I was going to safely get it out.  But it's done and we all survived.  She got some really cool presents and our living room looks even more like Toys R Us and less like our home. 

At her pediatrician visit, she was listed as the 13th percentile for height and the 25th % for weight.  She's still a tiny thing.  I guess I expected that somewhat.  When we are out and about and people ask how old she is, they are surprised when we say her age. Everyone always says that she's so tiny, so I guess I expected it.  I am just surprised that she's so short. 

The pediatrician estimates that she'll be about 5'4-5'5 like mommy and thinks that she will be the late bloomer in her class.  I'm so perfectly fine with that!  I don't need to deal with boobies in the second grade.  Richie was happy with this answer as well.

At her one year appointment

She's is on target with all of her development but is ahead of the game on her behavioral development.  The doctor saw first hand how she likes to test her limits and so instead of working on the parent "homework" for 12 months, we are on the 15 months "homework."  At 12 months, parents should be using the word "no" and teaching the child that it means something.  Well, Kinley understands the whole "no" aspect but likes to take it a step beyond that and test us to see if there are consequences.  So now we're on the 1-2-3 stage.  Dr. Natalie witnessed my struggle with Kinley pulling my hair and thinking it's hilarious.  I would tell her no and she'd laugh at me (which is my fault because I think that everything she does -good or bad- is freaking adorable, and I laugh at her when I should be serious) so Dr. Natalie said "NO! We don't pull mommy's hair because that is ouchie to mommy!" and Kinley was shocked.  She looked at the Dr. with huge eyes and was just floored that someone other than mommy or daddy would tell her no.  But she didn't cry, as I expected her to.

A few seconds later, she yanked my hair again.  Dr. Natalie again said "NO! We don't pull mommy's hair because that is ouchie to mommy!" and I pulled her hands off of my hair.  A few seconds later, Kinley looked over at the Dr. out of the corner of her eye and grabbed my hair again....  she tests everyone!  So Dr. Natalie took her from me and gave her to Richie and told her that since she wouldn't stop pulling mommy's hair, that she had to sit with daddy for a while.  Kinley was just like "whatever lady."  Haha  But I couldn't hold it in and I started laughing uncontrollably.  To me, it was hilarious because Kinley's little face was so serious.  The Dr. said "mom, you are not helping the situation."  But honestly, I couldn't hold my laugh in any longer.  Ugh.  This is going to be some serious homework for me...and I thought Shakespeare was challenging.

We've had a few rough nights lately where Kinley is getting up crying a few times a night.  Dr. Natalie thinks we're super close to getting a tooth and says that its most likely the cause of the night wakings.  She has encouraged me to drop those day time nursings and keep them only for naps and bedtime.  It's going to be so hard, but I know that I have to do it for school anyway.  So I'm going to try and cut one or two out during the day. 

Other than that, she is doing perfectly.  I'm so super proud of her.  I've noticed such subtle differences in her since her birthday.  It's almost like she knows that she is one now and that she needs to act like a toddler, because it's like she's just more independent all of a sudden.  She is getting around so much easier, doing so much more than she seemed to a week ago....  she grew up and I feel like I didn't even notice.  :(

Today I have to get busy on her Thank You cards and our Christmas cards.  I *have* to do it.

I have hit yet another road block on my school plans.  It's nothing that will prevent me from starting back in January as planned, but just more crap to deal with that I hadn't planned on.  And it's my own fault, really.  I may have to take yet another class.  Or retake it, I should say.  I took in initially in '99 so technically it's expired.  I haven't heard if they're going to make me redo it for sure or not, but knowing my luck, I will be adding it to the list.  My goal is to just get graduated as quickly as possible.  I don't care about anything else at this point.  I have this semester, the summer off (or to pick up any courses that they throw at me at the last minute) and then student teaching in the fall.  Then I am done, done, done.  I hope.

My Baby Girl Is One!

Her first year in pictures, it's just under 10 minutes long.  It was hard to keep it cut to under 10 minutes...so many amazing moments and memories in this first year.  So many more to be made...

My happy tears were shed during the month long process of making this video.

This day, one year ago, on Facebook:



Joy  can not sleep in this hospital. If I move, Kinley comes off her heart monitor and I can't sleep flat on my back. I'm miserable and contractions are stalling. Now what?!

December 11 at 2:34am

Joy  finally officially admitted into the hospital! The dr is planning to break my water at noon. Looks like Miss Kinley wanted to have her birthday with her cousin Josh!

December 11 at 8:42am

Joy just got the epidural and feel amazing! Kinley will be here very soon.

December 11 at 2:59pm

Joy  Kinley is here! Born at 8:38 this evening. Weighs 6lbs 14.8 oz and 19 1/2 inches long. She's been admitted into the NICU for breathing difficulty so I haven't had the chance to see her. I'm going down in about an hour to get to visit her. Please pray that she recovers soon!

December 11 at 10:45pm

Yes, I printed every status update from December 2 until she came home on December 19.  I have them all saved for her to read one day. 

Every day has been better than our last and we feel so incredibly blessed to have you in our life, Kinley Grace.  Happy Birthday, baby!

Birthdays, birthdays, everywhere!

Life is going fast this week.  I have Richie's birthday on Friday followed by our big "First Birthday" celebration for Kinley on Saturday.  Aaaaand, I procrastinate and just now started working on both of them.  We're leaving Friday night to head to my mom's house since we're having her party there on Saturday.  I sort of wish that I had just planned it at our house, and if people came, great, if they didn't, great.  That's mean, isn't it?

Kinley just doesn't ride well the past week or so.  I think that it's because she doesn't like being bundled in the car.  I got her a fleece bunting that is (supposed to be) safe in a car seat, but she still hates it as much as her coat.  So she cries.  All the way there.  All the way home.  It's nice.  So a three hour ride is not something I look forward to.  Of course we will unbundle her for that ride, but still.  I think she's still going to have a fit.  And I'll be stuck in the back seat between her and the dog.  Not ideal.

Richie totally gets the shaft on his birthday from here out.  I mean, Kinley totally steals the show.  He says he's okay with it, but after just going through my own birthday drama, I know that it needs to be acknowledged and celebrated.  So last night I sent out a text to a couple of his friends up here and invited them over.  I meant to invite them on Thursday night but instead said "tomorrow night" which means that I'm having people over tonight.  My house is so not ready for company.  Ready or not!

Today I have to clean, run errands, plan some appetizers and get ready for the "party."  Busy, busy.  Kinley and I went to Party City yesterday to get her 1st birthday decorations and they just had mediocre (is that spelled right?  I'm too lazy to look it up) selections.  I got the pink and green theme still, but I was hoping for the "perfect" stuff and I didn't find it.  I shouldn't have put it off for so long and just ordered the stuff that I wanted online.

Richie and I have given Kinley all of the gifts that we got her for her birthday.  We're softies and were so excited to see how she'd like them, that we couldn't wait for her birthday.  So now I'm trying to decide what else to get her for opening at her party.  I am making her the Lucy photo album.  She is obsessed with looking at pictures and carries around her family album.  As much as she adores Lucy, I think the album of Lucy pictures will be a huge hit.  Last night I was going through the million folders of pictures on the computer and it's a definate change in the contents from 12/11/09 and on.  I found *maybe* 8 pictures of Lucy post 12/11/09 and prior to that date, I found numerous.  It's so obvious that she was replaced.  She was the baby....it's no wonder she's had some defiant moments.  Poor dog.

Pre-Kinley

Post-Kinley

The other thing that I'm thinking about getting her (and don't laugh) a collar and leash.  No joke, Lucy's collar and leash are in her hand constantly.  She drags them behind her while she crawls along.  And, she puts the collar around the little handle on her dinosaur push toy and acts like she's walking the dinosaur.  It is way too cute.  So I thought I would get her a collar and small leash of her own, for her dinosaur.  I know it's a crazy idea....but she will *love* it.  And her birthday is about making her smile.  Heck, my every day is about making her smile.

As for Richie's birthday (see, he comes second on the birthday talk, shame on me!) I want to make it special....last year, I was sent to the hospital on his birthday and we (I) labored all day/night and his birthday went by the wayside.  I had contractions all week that week but by his birthday, I felt that they subsided and had planned a nice family dinner with his favorite, meatloaf, and ordered a cake from his favorite bakery.  Everything was planned perfectly.  At my OB appointment that morning, my dr informed me that I was in labor and sent me to L&D.  Hmmmm, who knew.  So we ended up eating his birthday cake two days late in the hospital cafeteria.  It was stale.  But we sang and ate anyway.  I'll never forget that day.  Our baby was up in the NICU and I felt the first mommy guilt by leaving the floor to go to the cafeteria to celebrate while knowing that she was struggling to breathe.  Bad mommy.  I had to carry a pillow to sit on and walk so slowly.  Ugh.  Those first two weeks post delivery were not cool.  Ouch.  Every day this week, counting down to her big day, I think back and say "this time last year....."  How quickly a year flies by when you don't even realize....and this time last year....

So this year, I want to do Richie right and have a little something for him.  Okay, that sounds kinky.  I don't mean "do" him right. Geez....this isn't "that" kind of blog!  Ugh.  I ordered him a few things that he picked out online for work.  I'm going to let Kinley "pick" out a shirt and I'm going to get him a new wallet.  It's not much, but all of our money this week went to Kinley's party.  It's not the price of the gifts that make the day, it's the thought that counts.  Right? 



Don't worry mom, I got this.



Room for one more?

Am I a bad person because I don't feel that strong will to expand our family any more than it already is?

I feel so complete having Kinley in our lives.  There is no "gap" in our family circle. 
Everything feels just right.

I have to admit that having another child isn't tugging at my heart.  Am I a bad mom?  Am I saying that Kinley was "too much" for us and doing it all over again isn't worth it?  Because I don't believe either of those to be true.

Kinley being in our lives has been so amazing, so fantastic, so perfect, that I just feel tremendously fulfilled.

But I don't want her to grow up lonely.

I don't want her to be alone after our time here on Earth. 

I don't want her to be too "adult" because she has no siblings to remind her to stay "child."

I don't want her to be alone on those family vacations.

I feel extremely torn.  I am seeing more and more friends expecting baby number 2 and while I don't feel jealous, I feel anxiety.  I know that if we were to have another child, it would be soon.  We would want them close in age.  But I feel like I'm having to rush myself to feel something that I'm not feeling yet.

If I were to get pregnant, it would be welcomed with open arms and open hearts...but making that decision to expand our family is SO TOUGH.  How do you know when/if it's right? 

Richie is ready and on board for number 2.  He really wants that son.  I remind him that there are no promises that it would be a boy....but he says he "just knows" that it will be.  Haha

Sometimes I worry that there is  no way that I could love another child as much as I love Kinley.  And I know that *everyone* says that you just do....but I just can't grasp that.  Kinley is in my every breath, every beat of my heart.  How do I have anything left to give to another child?  I'm scared.

Richie and I have discussed it time and time again, and each time we just let the topic fizzle because neither one of us know what to do.

We struggled so greatly trying to get pregnant with Kinley, that who knows if we would even be able to get pregnant again.  And I think that is where the answer lies. 

We're going to put it into God's hands.  We trust God and his plan. 

After the first of the year, we give our decision to Him.  If another child is meant to be in our family, then so be it.  If not, then that is okay too.  We won't prevent.  I think that this decision makes my heart feel the most at ease.  He won't give me anything that I can't handle.  If He feels that another child is in our plan, then we'll know that it was meant to be.  Is this a bad approach?

Is this the "chicken" way out?  Is this avoidance?

I think that this is the biggest reason that I fear.  This is what our birth story surrounds.  NICU.  It wasn't supposed to be that way and it scared the heck out of us.  I think that I fear that it will happen again.  I can't put Kinley through that.  We couldn't be away from her day and night to be with our new baby and have Kinley pushed aside waiting for us. 

On another note:

Kinley's birthday tutu is complete!  I love, love, love it! And the matching headband is so perfect!

She will definately be party perfect!  Initially, the tutu and headband were going to be for pictures only, but now I think that she'll wear the dress for the first half of the party and the tutu for the second half.  They are both way too cute to not show off.  Thank you, Kacy!  (find Kacy and have her create your idea--all of her items are made custom--theangrystitchers on etsy!)

How do dissemble a toaster in 30 seconds...

It's easy.  Just drop your engagement ring in it.  You're probably thinking--"how in the__?!"  Well, last night I made turkey burgers and while mashing and making them into patties, I took my rings off and put them on the ledge above the sink.  I kept forgetting to put them back on until just a few hours ago.  I grabbed them, put on the wedding band and....clink.  I dropped the engagement ring.  Gulp.  Sh!t.  No biggie, I see it down there, I'll just pull it out on the crumb tray thingy.  Slide it out and sh!t.  It's caught up on the center stone.  Now let me say that this is the only time that I am not happy about the size of my ring.  So I flip it over and shake it vigorously trying to get the ring out.  Cling, cling, clank.  No ring.  Just a ton of crumbs.

I don't know why I start panicking.  But I do.  Sweating, anxious, that fear that I'll never get my ring back.  It's a toaster, Joy.  If it "eats" the ring, take it outside and put a hammer to it.  No biggie.  But I'm standing there shaking it in a hot sweat.  Still nothing.

Luckily, I had a screw driver (and the right kind, for once in my life) and began to dissemble the toaster.  Luckily, at the last second, I remembered to unplug the stupid thing.  I unscrewed it (those screws are ridiculously too long) and shook it some more with the bottom off of it....and out popped my ring.

And then I inspected it.  Just to make sure there weren't any teeth marks from the toaster monster.

There weren't.

It's just fine.

So last night, Richie and I took on the daunting task of taking Kinley's pictures with the O N E that I had painted earlier this week.  Oh. Em. Gee.  That was hard.  We took about 50 pictures and 47 of them are of her hind end as she was booking it out of the perfectly arranged picture area.  Richie and I were screaming at each other-- me: "hold her still" -- him:"take the picture faster"  Obviously both demands were not going to happen.  There were feathers EVERYWHERE (remember the boa?!).  It was a mess. 

But we got the three that we needed.  They aren't perfect but life with a one year old (almost!) is not perfect.  So there.  And then Richie asked me "why don't you just try and make the invites?"  And so I did.  And here is what I came up with.

I made this in MS Word.  Fun?  No.  My design program is on our desk top which was never unpacked.  So I did what I could with what I had.  And yes, I erased the address of the party.  And not because I think you're stalkers and would show up at her party....but that other guy might be.

My mom and step-dad come tonight!  I'm sooooo excited!  I need a Kinley break.  She's so busy these last few days.  So busy.  So so so busy.  In to everything.  You just don't even know.  And she can now move the baby jail.  So confinement isn't even an option.  :)   Richie and I are going to have such a blast at The Lion King.  I saw it several years ago (on a date, not with Richie, but that's not important) and still say that it was the best show ev-ah. 

But yeah, mom and Steve are coming tonight and I'm not even close to ready for house visitors.  Luckily I did get the guest linens washed (well, they are washing right now).  But I've been so absorbed into this invite that I've kind of neglected life today.  I didn't neglect Kinley.  She's fed and taken care of.  I promise. 

She did stand today!  All by herself.  Well, kind of.  I was right there.  We were on the floor together and she was hugging me and I stood her up and let go.  And she stayed.  Standing up.  By herself.  And then she just slowly sat down.  We did it like three times.  And now when I try to get her to do it again, she lifts her legs off the ground.  Little bugger.  I heart her.  (remember when people used to "heart" things instead of "loving" things?  That's old school now, no?)

My ness...

It's pick up the dog poop day!  Or as most refer to it, Wednesday.  Since moving in to this townhome, my Wednesdays will never be the same.  Not only is it trash/recycle day but it's also landscaping day.  And out of courtesy for the landscapers, I pick up dog poop before 7:00 a.m. Wednesday mornings.  Yes, that dashes all of those glamorous thoughts you had of me.  Ahhhhhh, that's life. 

Kinley felt the need to get me up at 11:00 last night because for the life of her, she could not find that pacifier (we sooo need to wean her from that stupid thing) and then at 4:00 a.m. she just thought it seemed like a great time to be awake.  So we nursed, and rocked.  I got her back to bed right after Richie left for work at 4:30 (they have a contract in the city and they have to be there extra early, ugh.).  At 7:00 I was awakened rather abruptly by Kinley screaming.  She obviously had been at it for some time and I didn't hear it until that moment.  So through blurred eyes I found clothes to throw on and ran down the hall to rescue her.  Her little eyelashes were wet with tears and I totally felt the big FAIL on my forehead.  That is the second time that I have slept through her cries.  Bad mom!

Yesterday we went to Hobby Lobby and I scored.  For some reason I was so super creative and the juices were flowin' (that phrase totally grosses me out).  I was reminded (when reading "My Little Miracle") that not only am I trying to plan the cutest little party but that my original life goal was to save money.  So, like she blogs about, I need to try and be more frugal at the same time.  So while scouring the aisles of Hobby Lobby, I was thinking of all of the DIY that I could do for her party.

The result of that trip?  I bought super thick cardboard letters and green and pink paint to make the props for her invitation photos.  And this is how that turned out: 

I also got her a pink boa for her to pose with.  I tried to do a practice shot last night with my phone and she was so not cooperating.  This could be a bust. 

Super cute, huh?  Told you that I was being creative!  Geez....did you not believe me? Just kidding.

So then I saw on another blog where she made this banner thing for her son's first birthday, and I had to try it.  And here is that:

It will hang on the cake table.  And I'm in love with it.  It's probably my favorite thing that I've made.  So far.  I'm so not even close to being done with my creative-ness.  In my "former life" I did a ton of graphics work and even had a "business" (I use that term extremely loosely--as if that makes sense) where I made birth announcements, invitations and wedding programs and invites.  But that was then...I left that part of me when I left butthead.  It's great to see that even all of these years later, I've still got it.  Maybe I see a second chance with it?  Maybe. 

After our Hobby Lobby trip, we ran into the Dollar Tree to get some envelopes and Kinley spotted an Elmo book and went nuts for it.  So we bought it.  She has not put it down since we bought it.  I guess I have an Elmo fan.  She would probably prefer an Elmo party....but I didn't want to do a theme like that.  I've noticed that she'll love something and then not care for it at all two days later.  I sure would hate to plan a theme that she's "in" to one week and then forget about by the big day...you know?  And how could you not love polka dots.  Like Richie said, the first birthday is about the parents. Right?

And speaking of Richie, I love love love that he reads my blogs....but man did I get it last night!  He was reading the blog and I thought nothing of it.....until he said "how much was her birthday dress?"  Gulp.  What?  Huh?  It wasn't much.  He said how much is "entirely too much?"  Crap.  Then he laughed and just gave me that "Joy, you need to stop over spending on that baby" look.  He knows my weaknesses, and he accepts them.  Right, honey?  I love you.  :)

Birthday planning, stage 1

Thank God that today is better than yesterday.  I seriously felt like I was hit by a truck.  Strangely, like the flip of a switch, I started feeling better around 7 last night.  Which was perfect because Richie got home with dinner!  :)  Today has been great, no illness at all.  And Kinley is finally without the green snot nose.  She's still dealing with random coughing attacks but mainly while she's sleeping.  Poor girl.

I really struggle with committment.  Not the committment of my marriage or anything like that...but ordering Kinley's birthday dress and invites has been such a struggle for me.  I have been eyeing one for several weeks now and I've just not been 100% on it until today.  I emailed the lady making it about six times and finally I felt comfortable with my decision.  She's going to change the colors for me and make it just how I want it.  Such relief.  It's ordered and paid for.  I spent entirely too much on it (so much for saving those pennies!) but she's so worth it.  I can't imagine how I'm going to be at prom/school dances.  Richie is going to have to hide the debit card!  haha
I wasn't going to show the dress so that it was a surprise but decided why not....this isn't "the" dress because hers will have a different cupcake and bows, but it's close.

She's going to look so amazingly cute in it!  We're I'm also having a tutu made that matches the party colors.  That will be for her one year portraits.  Oh, and a custom-made birthday hat to match her party.  Soooo excited. 

I'm sort of disappointed that not many are going to be there to share her day with us.  I'm having it at my mom's house.  My in-laws are going on a cruise and will be gone over her birthday.  No one wants to travel to our house for the party, so it only leaves my mom's house for the location.  Not that I'm upset about having it there at all....but I just wish we could have it somewhere where everyone would come.  I'd love, love, love to have it at our house....but it would be a party of three! 

We'll make the best of it regardless.  She's going to be showered with so much love and fun.  It's a first birthday, after all.  Not many people jump at the opportunity to go to those.  Like Richie says, it's all for the parents.  It's special to us.

Today it is a flash back to September weather.  So sunny and about 70 degrees.  When Kinley wakes up from her nap (she's still putting herself to sleep!) we're going to run errands.  It's a great day for it!  I want to go to Hobby Lobby to see about getting a few photo props for her invite pictures.  That shall remain a secret for now.  :)