Living On A Prayer

The past week has been such a true test of my faith.  I am so overwhelmed with life...I walk around feeling utterly exhausted.  I wake up exhausted.

School is wearing me out.  I know, I'm not even in a class right now, right?!  You see, I have one semester before graduation.  ONE SEMESTER.  I have to student teach.  I am supposed to start student teaching a week from today.  Funny thing is, I have no placement.  I've made mention of this before.  But the thing is, I just don't feel well served right now.  I feel that the university should be doing more to get this taken care of.  I submitted my application, letter of intent and resume in January.  Why are they just now busting butt to find placement in August?  Out of all of the student teachers this semester, there are 19 without placements.  And we are in Chicago-land, people.  Do you realize how many schools are in the Chicago-land area?  And you can't find placements for your students?

They promise (as if I trust their promises anymore) that I will be placed and that it just may be that I have to start later than all of the other student teachers.

That just isn't feeling good enough...the benefit of student teaching in the fall semester is that you get to start a school year with a teacher.  You get that awesome experience of getting your classroom ready, establishing classroom rules and implementing all of the procedures that make a classroom work.  I need to get placed and in a classroom this week.  I need to.  I didn't work this hard to fall through the cracks now. 

I talked to the placement lady today at our SmartBoard training and she told me that she is expecting to hear from a principal today via email and if that didn't work out that she had another district in mind.  I asked her if that other district was a sure thing (despite it being an hour away) and she said no.  Soooo, ask me how much faith I have in that?!

And then to put icing on my freakin' cake, I found out that the government is reviewing our tax records and W2s to evaluate my financial aid for fall.  So my funds are all tied up in whatever it is they are doing....the financial aid office said that I could go ahead and start my semester and hopefully we'll get this cleared up soon.  And if we don't?  I guess I'll have to pay out of pocket for the semester?  Yeah, okie-dokey.  Let me just go and pull that $4K off of my money tree in the back yard.  No problem what-so-ever. 

So thanks, my-former-favorite-ever university for making me feel like chopped liver.  I honestly feel like every obstacle that could possibly come up is being thrown my way.  It's like God doesn't want me to graduate.

I am learning the hard way that you just sometimes have to put it in His hands.  And I am not very good at letting things go....  a bit of a control freak, you see.  I have fallen on my knees and just prayed and prayed that I will get this placement (the one that she's supposed to hear about via email today).  It is so close to R's work and an amazing district.  The school is beautiful.  I want it. 

Ugh.

Not only is my placement making me ill.....but R and I have been arguing a lot again and while it is slightly different, we're still arguing again nonetheless.  I mean, it's not as bad as it was--not even close--but I was so enjoying those few weeks of bliss with no arguments and no disagreements.  And I know that it was all a "honeymoon" phase all over again...but I just wasn't ready for it to end.  But I guess the good thing is that we are arguing better than we did before.  Does that make sense?  We aren't holding grudges for days/weeks/months.  We get mad, we argue and we let it go.  So I guess that's an improvement?  There are many improvements....  few set backs.

And while I'm on the complain band-wagon:
Food makes me sick.  It seems that since stopping the gym I have just felt lousy.  And I know that working out and eating healthy makes you feel good but I have not done either for a few weeks and I am totally feeling it.  Ugh.  I just feel ick all the time and nothing sets well with my tum. 

But.....
In happier news, I got my grade from my summer class...that I just finished last week.  Talk about fast grading on her part!

And....one of my favorite songs is available for a free download on the K-Love website.  So if you wanna hear it, check out the video below. 

Then if you love it, as much as I do, go here and get a free download of it.  And I think the free download is only good today.  But I could be mistaken.  I didn't read the fine print.

And....I am the winner, winner, chicken dinner!  Yes, yes...I won this adorable apron from The Real Housewife of H2oVille!  I can't wait to like.....make cupcakes in it!  Or just look at it cause it's so freakin' cute.  My husband has a thing for flirty aprons.  He thinks they are sexy.  So he was equally excited about this give-away!

And finally, my last "reason to smile" today....The Bachelor Pad starts tonight.  I love reality smut TV and can not wait to see Vienna (I so don't like that girl) and what's his name duke it out  Ooooh, and Vienna is now dating the "guard and protect your heart" dude!  The drama....oh, the drama!   I may have to tweet this one out tonight!

Okay peeps, I am going to treat myself to a movie for the short remainder of K's nap.  I deserve it after all of this stress today.  If you are the praying kind, pray for me.  I need this student teaching placement.  I need the relief from stress.

 

Cry Baby

Today is starting to be one of those days where I would swear that Kinley hates me.  Ugh.  She's been fighting sleep for two days.  Screaming, not crying, SCREAMING when we try to put her to bed.  And when she finally gives in and falls asleep, two hours later, she picks up where she left off.

I've not slept much the last couple of days.

And I'm wondering if she hates me.  If she gets some sort of gratification by seeing me as a walking zombie. 

Of course she doesn't.

But man, sometimes it feels like it.

She's hanging on my legs right now while I'm trying to pretend I'm on a "real" spring break.  Sitting in my lounger, soaking up the rays, getting a nice sunburn (I really don't tan) and ordering a nice, cold drink from the lovely cabana boy.

Yes, this is where I'm at. 

Okay, back to reality.  I'm no where near that....but wouldn't it be nice?!  I foolishly made my list of things that I want to accomplish on my spring break and so far, I've done maybe half of one....that being cleaning/organizing my house. 

Today, Kinley is supposed to go to day care for a half day to allow me to work on homework, but with the way she's acting, I'm not sure it's going to happen.  I woke up with that ick, sick feeling in my throat and I'm wondering if maybe she's not feeling well either.  It would only make sense.  That would be my luck!  A sick baby over my spring break.

And you know how I said that we began the weaning process?  Yeah, I nursed her last night AND this morning.  Ladies, it was an act of DESPERATION.  Any other nursing momma understands this:  Nursing heals all.  Nursing calms a fussy baby.  Nursing puts a sick baby to sleep.  Nursing makes all things right in their world.  I was desperate and knew that I was one step away from losing my mind.  So I did it.  I lifted my shirt and let her nurse.  Ugh.

My husband was so disappointed in me.  He reminds me all the time that she's too big to nurse.  I understand that.  But he doesn't understand the desperation of feeling defeated.  She doesn't hang on his legs.  She doesn't cry and whine and tug on his shirt.  So call me a failure.  I call it a slow process.  We are weaning.  But it's going to be on our own pace.  No one else can judge if they haven't been there/done that.  Easy to say to "just stop."  Yeah, easy to say. 

I watched The Bachelor last night and Emily accepted the proposal!  Just what I wanted to see happen!  I thought that they would be so happy.  And then......After the Final Rose came on and the Emily that I saw on there was totally not the Emily we "came to know" on the show.  She was cold and just not happy.  I'm not one to judge because what we see on TV is so not their reality but I'd say he messed up pretty bad for her to turn around like that.  Honestly, I don't see a wedding in their future.  I hope I'm wrong.  But, did you see her new hair?!  Love it.  I'm so wanting to color mine a blonde color.  Totally. Ashley H., the new bachelorette, totally not liking her new color and bangs.  But I didn't see her on Jimmy Kimmel last night, so maybe it looked better than at the Women Tell All show.  I'll have to youtube it.

I guess I need to get started on my day.  Kinley put herself to sleep (hallelujah).  Shower and get her stuff ready for day care!

Thinga-ma what?

Maybe I'm over-thinking this, as it wouldn't be the first time I've done such a thing--I consider myself rather good at over-thinking or over-analyzing things--but is anyone else totally not a fan of the Cat in the Hat cartoon on PBS?  It just straight up freaks me out.  For two reasons....

1.  He invites the kids on these crazy adventures and then says, "your mother won't mind at all if you do...."

So, let's just say that some stranger danger comes up to a young child in a mall or playground or store....then offers that child a crazy adventure.  Then he/she (stranger danger) says to your child, "Your mother won't mind at all if you do!"  Ummmm, creepy. Yeah.  Cause the child would totally relate it to the Cat in the Hat and think that if they go, they'll get to do some crazy fun thing....

2.  Thing 1 and Thing 2

Does anyone else see them as modern day slaves?  From what I've seen of them on the episodes that I've had the displeasure of hearing in the background of our home...it seems that The Cat uses them as his slaves--to do his dirty work.  Of course, children don't understand slaves or servants but aren't they seeing these different characters being forced to ride in the back of the Cat-mobile (I actually think it's call a thing-a-majig) and then called to duty when The Cat summons them?

I'm sure there are more things that I could ramble about that make me totally despise this cartoon but those two things stand out in my mind.  It just straight creeps me out.  I find that it's on so often on the PBS line-up and I'd so like to write to them and tell them to take it off...but they wouldn't listen to me.  I can just do what I can in our home, and that is to be sure that my Kinley-bug doesn't watch it. 

It's sad, because the book is so cute.  And I'm a big fan of Dr. Seuss, in general.  But the cartoon, two thumbs down from this mommy.

TV Dish

So, I just wanted to dish for a second...about the one hour of The Bachelor that I managed to watch before we gave up and went to bed.  Don't give me spoilers...we're going to try and finish it tonight.

What the heck is up with the vampire chick, Madison?  Does anyone else find her totally weird-o?  Seriously, who could possibly think that it was even somewhat cool to wear fangs to meet the bachelor?  She's a nut job.  Okay, there is my opinion.

The husband and I would totally give the first impression rose to the southern girl who was engaged to Ricky Hendrick.  She is adorable.  And maybe she does get the rose...but we didn't watch yet, so we don't know.

I dunno, there seems to be some real freaks coming out this season.  And yet, I don't even know why I keep watching. 

As far as the drama with Brad Womack being back on...I really don't care.  It's reality TV.  It's drama either way.

And let's not forget that The Biggest Loser starts tonight too.

Country roads...

Spending time in southern IL this past weekend really reminded us of all that we left behind when we moved to 'the big city.'  And I admit that we both felt that twinge that made us feel like we made the wrong choice.  But then we really think about it, and the reality of life, and know that what we did was right.  We did the 'adult' thing and made the choice that was best for us and our family.  Our family is what is important and making a living is top priority.  We have to eat.  We have to have a roof over our heads. 

It's sad to say that southern IL is pretty desolate when it comes to jobs and earning a good living.  I mean, it is for Richie's line of work.  People there just don't care much when it comes for tree work/tree care.  Understandably so.  There are some lower income areas and tree care doesn't rank very high on the priorities.  So we have to be up here.  We have to be where he can make a living.  Chicago is that place.  There is money up here, the people have money, the people spend money.  And my (future) job of teaching will make more money up here (if I am fortunate enough to find a job post graduation) than I would down there. 

Kinley's home will be Chicago-land.  Her opportunities will be endless.  That is what we want for her.  Better than what we had.  I dream of offering her the chance to try everything, dance, gymnastics, ice skating, horseback riding, anything she dreams of.  I think that the opportunities up here, are so much more plentiful.  Maybe not plentiful, but accessible-or different. 

So yes, while the twinge is there, the reality is too.  And we're okay with that.  We've come to terms with it and with each passing day that we have up here, we begin to settle in just a little more. 

Kinley has her own photo album (it's in very sad shape, or maybe very well loved) that she likes to have with her pretty much all day.  We have pictures of her friends and her family in it.  She loves to point at her cousin, Brenna and just talk and talk and talk.  She talks to all of her pictures.  I tried to capture it here.  But then Lucy barked (and then Kinley "woofs").  Lucy or "Gah" takes priority over all things (well, not Super Why, that is her ultimate).  For Kinley's birthday, I'm going to get her a more child friendly album that she can't destruct love to shreds.  And then I want to make her an album of just Lucy pictures.  I think she'll go nuts over it.  I really should get started on that.

Today I have so many errands to run....okay, not "so many." Maybe two.  We've decided to go to my mom's for Thanksgiving.  Well, she's hosting one on Thursday and one on Saturday.  My step-dad's family on Thursday and then my family on Saturday.  We're going to go to both.  Mom wants to show off Miss Kinley (and why should she not--she IS the most beautiful baby ever born--and me? biased? what?) on Thursday and I can't wait to see my neice and nephew on Saturday.  I'm excited to go.  I just dread being away from home for another two nights/three days.  Ugh.  So part of my errands today is to find her a turkey style outfit.  I didn't buy one cause I really didn't intend to do much for Thanksgiving...but it seems that we will. 

I'm also on the hunt for birthday shoes.  And Christmas tights.  I bought a pair off of Ebay and they are all gross.  They are white with Christmas trees on them and even though they're new, the red has made the white turn pink.  I'm so not happy about it.  So add that to my list.  We're going to be taking Kinley to see Santa on Sunday and I have to get the tights and Christmas shoes by then.

Today on my errand run, I have to go to Hobby Lobby to get my bulletin board.  I have been looking on Craigslist for some time but to no avail.  I looked at Hobby Lobby (it is literally 2 mintues from my house, how lucky is that?!) and they are only 8.99 and with my 40% off weekly coupon, I call that a SCORE!  I have big dreams for this bulletin board.  We are going to change the world.  Or maybe just organize mine a little more.

Richie and I are trying yet another budget plan, and this is going to be a part of it.  Or that's what I tell myself.  I mentioned waaaay back in an earlier blog that show called "Till Debt Do Us Part" and the financial guru advisor on there recommends the cash plan and using jars for your different expenses...  so yeah.  We're going to start that.  Add jars to my shopping list today. 

Last thing, did you watch Oprah's two "Favorite Things" shows?  Oh. Em. Gee.  I would give anything to be in that audience.  Daaaaang.  So then someone on FB posted a status update asking "if it were your show and you had to name your favorite things, what would they be?" and I've been racking my brain all night/morning about this.  As if it was critical or something.  But really, how sad is it that I really can't even think of ONE.  I'm working on this, cause I think it will be fun.  So tell me, what would be on your list?  You can blog it (and link back to me) or put it in my comments.

Beautiful Day

Our Kinley Grace is 11 months old today.  Let me take a minute to try and grasp this.  Eleven months.  How in the world did eleven months go by already?  I still feel like it was yesterday that we drove the scariest 20 miles home from the hospital!  Loading her up in the car and saying to each other "can you believe they are just trusting us with this little human!?"  We were so scared that we would screw something up.  And look, eleven months later, we've all survived.  I admit, I only cried a little this morning.  She was nursing and so peaceful.  I watched her little mouth and played with her growing hair.  Thinking that this *could* be my last month of moments like these.  Next month at this time, I'll probably be crying a whole lot.  But happy tears.  Because that is what she's brought us.  Happiness.  Pure.

Last night Richie got home earlier than normal (it was 6 instead  of 7).  I had dinner ready when he got home (baked BBQ chicken, stove top and some veggies--glamorous, huh.) and we were able to eat and get settled into the living room for our most favorite night of the week. Survivor night. 

I was most disappointed in Survivor.  I dislike Jane.  I'm tired of her Marty rants and I think she needs to put on her big girl britches and get over the fact that you won't be liked by everyone in this world.  Who cares if they didn't "click" with  you from the beginning.  Lord.  Quit 'yer' b!tchin.  Seriously.  And how in the world Nayonka is still there is beyond me.  She really needs to go.  Really, really.  And like I've said before, how is she a PE teacher?  If she's not terminated by now, she had better be as soon as she gets home.  We were sad to see Marty go, he was working towards being our favorite.  Now we just don't know.

Richie got word that he is going to work till Monday at an office closer to home.  Day too late to avoid an accident!  He was side swiped on his way home from work Tuesday.  Luckily the other guy was ticketed and has insurance.  And no one was hurt.  But we'll take this short relief of the commute.  He got to sleep in this morning till 6.  That was amazing.  Him and I both kept waking up looking at the clock.  After getting used to his 4 a.m. wake up call, it felt like we were sleeping till noon!  It was awesome.  So I got up with him, made his lunch and started my coffee.  Just like old times.  Hopefully he'll get home even earlier than 6 tonight.  That would be stellar.

My mom and step-dad come up tomorrow for the weekend.  It's my "birthday" weekend.  Not really but we're pretending it is since my birthday falls over deer season.  How nice of me to let him "switch" my birthday to the weekend before.  haha  Just kidding.  I really don't mind.  Birthdays just aren't what they used to be.  So on Saturday we have the Lion King to see in the city and we're going to do a super nice lunch.  Since we're seeing the 2:00 performance, we figured we'd eat lunch somewhere really nice and then go to the show so that we could get home right after to have dinner with our baby girl--and my parents.

Today is Veteran's Day and I want to thank all of my friends and family who serve/have served our country to protect our freedom.  Thank you. 

Believe it or not, I always wished that I would have gone military.  I mean, I don't know that I'd ever make it as a soldier.  This coming from the girl that has a panic attack when a bug comes close or a spider lowers itself from the ceiling any proximity close to me....but I like to think that I would have toughened up and made it.  I guess I'll never know.  But I hold the most respect for those that serve. 

On that note.

Inspired.

It's Saturday and I'm blogging.  I'm blogging because Richie is working.  I hate him being gone so much.  I admit it.  It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but enough already.  This new job has him working so many hours....and for the first two weeks (one down, one to go) he's working out of an office north of here.  Not far, but Chicago traffic SUCKS.  He calculated that he's spent over 12 hours in the commute this week.  And this office is only about 35 miles from our house.  Too bad they don't pay for the commuting time as well!  One more week and he'll move to another office that isn't necessarily closer, but an easier commute.  We hope.  I guess this company works almost every Saturday too, so our weekends as we knew them are no longer.  I miss him.

I have felt so inspired this week.  With Richie gone so much during the day, I've been able to catch up on some of my DVR'd shows and I'm really impressed with TV this week!  (or the past few weeks, I'm pretty behind on some shows)  Normally, I would say that most TV is just time filler but the last few things I've caught up on have really made my heart warm. 

In the last week or so, we've noticed that Kinley is aware of our relationship.  Well, not our "relationship"...she doesn't understand marriage, obviously, but I think she notices our love for each other.  When we hug or kiss or just stand in the kitchen holding each other...she watches and smiles and claps and just shows pure joy.  When we noticed that she noticed, we realized that we need her to see that often.  I think that kids today don't see it enough.  Thinking back to my own childhood, I don't remember many times of seeing my parents showing signs of affection towards each other.  One time in particular, I remember walking in to Walmart and they held hands.  All three of us kids started fake gagging and begging them to stop because we were so embarrassed.  Makes me laugh now....but I guess it was such an odd gesture for us to see that we felt uncomfortable.  Maybe it's no surprise that their marriage sadly ended in divorce. 

So while catching up on some shows this week, I watched two interviews with Portia De Rossi (hope I spelled that right).  One with Oprah and the other with Ellen.  In both of them I witnessed such true love between Ellen and Portia.  Now I know that this creeps in on the issue of gay relationships and yadda, yadda, yadda but aside from all that....love is love.  This is my blog, my view, let me just go with it.  I don't care what orientation you are, love that is that evident is beautiful.  Did you see the interview?  Here is the link on youtube.com that you can see it (it's in like three different parts).  I just felt that their love for each other was so refreshing.  And then on the Robin Roberts special this week, LeAnn Rimes did an interview with her new beau (and again, I don't care about the drama attached to her and the guy).  They seem so purely in love.  It could all be a bunch of BS and they could be seperated by now for all I know, but the interview just seemed so beautiful.  You can see that here. 

Maybe I'm just a little senitmental this week but I've just really felt so inspired.  I think it's good to have days/weeks where life just seems a little brighter or a little softer.  I think it's those weeks that get us through the rough patches.  Lord knows I have enough of those.  So I embrace weeks like this where I hug my baby a little longer and cuddle with my husband a little closer.  Humans need that.  I'm sure it's proven somewhere.

While on my Oprah catch-up, I also watched the first of two episodes for her vacation to Yosemite with her friend Gayle (or is it Gail?).  I vow to take that vacation, soon.  I think that instead of that Mexico trip that we've had our hearts set on, we will do Yosemite first.  It looks so beautiful!  Maybe Oprah producers just made it look magical, but I would like to think that it just is that beautiful.  Richie (being a tree guy) has always wanted to see the ginormous trees and I want to be there the first time he does.  I think I'm going to rename our savings account our "Yosemite Fund" and it encourages me even more to tighten the belt around here.  I've not priced the trip but I can only imagine how expensive it would be. 

What has inspired you this week?


Oh, and you know the drill:  Vote for Kinley Grace!

Here, There and Everywhere

Richie now has Kinley's cold.  I hate seeing him sick about as much as I hate seeing Kinley sick.  I am anticipating being next.

Writing my blogs in the morning has become so difficult.  Now that Kinley is getting me up in the morning, I have a little one to deal with while trying to get my thoughts out in some sort of order.  Well now she's refusing to play in the living room while I sit at the dining room table at the lap top.  Even though it's all one big room, she insists on being right here with me.  Which I'm okay with.  I just hate that she chooses to be under the table bonking her head on every chair and table edge.  Makes writing so much more difficult than it needs to be.

This morning while she was nursing I just stared at her....thinking that in just a month I'll be facing such a huge decision.  Do I wean her or let her self-wean?  I'm not sure if nursing beyond 12 months is for nutrition or comfort.  I'm thinking comfort.  Part of me wants to allow her morning and bedtime nursing till 15 months.  Part of me realizes that 12 months is a good place to stop.  I will be back in school in January and daytime nursing will have to stop anyway.  It's such a hard decision.  My mom said that I nursed till almost 18 months (!).  Geez.  I know hope I won't go that long.  It's such a beautiful experience though.  Those that have nursed know what I mean.  There is nothing more pure, nothing more beautiful.  It's the best experience I've had in my life.  Seeing that chapter close is just sad.  I will miss our moments together.  I am hoping that come December, I'll have this awakening moment and the decision will become clear to me.  Maybe she'll miraculously just stop asking to nurse!  haha  right.  The child is a milk monster.  She nurses 5 times a day!

Yesterday, I had the awakening, if you will.  It's no secret that I'm pretty down on myself about weight gain.  My friend, Summer, put it in a way that I like to hear it.  Maybe now that I'm back to normal from my gall bladder removal (January 2010) my weight has come back. I was 149 when I got pregnant.  Jumped to 170 by delivery and then down to 125-130 post delivery.  I was suffering greatly from gall stones (little did I know) and didn't eat for about a month.  I thought it was anxiety and post partum causing the extreme back pain and nausea.  It wasn't.  Come to find out, gall bladder surgery is very common post-delivery.  So then after the removal, I was just as sick.  Everything I ate caused immediate diarrhea (hope you aren't reading this over breakfast).  That lasted for about 6-7 months.  Hence, the weight keeping off.  Now that I'm not having "that issue" anymore....my weight is back to 140.  Makes sense, right?  Thanks for my excuse, Summer!  I'm sure it has nothing to do with my chocolate addiction.  That was another one of those things that I inherited post-baby.  I never craved chocolate before I got pregnant.  Didn't crave it during my pregnancy either, good thing too, cause I was diabetic.  But post delivery, I want chocolate non-stop.  Along with my new hips and curlier hair, I gained a chocolate addiction.

But on the topic of weight and not liking my self image, I came to a realization yesterday.  The image in my mind that I want to be, is never going to happen.  Ever.  I had it in my early 20s and it's never coming back.  Too bad, so sad.  I'm older and a mom now.  Unless I become a celebrity and earn the millions for the plastics, this is what I've got.  And it's not all bad.  I just have to learn to work with it.  You know?  Instead of wanting a body all toned and 6 packed, why not just be happy with a body that looks good in real clothes?  It's highly unlikely that I'll be sporting a half shirt and super low rise jeans any time soon.  I dress like a "real" woman and as long as I can look good in "real" clothes, I should be happy.  I have to learn to dress for my body.  Right?  Remind of this. often.

Last night I did it again, I figured out a dinner using what we had instead of shopping for what we don't need.  I did run into Aldi for milk and bread.  Those are staples though.  We have an Aldi about 2 minutes from our house, literally.  And those cashiers are quick!  Wow.  You can be in and out in like 3 minutes.  If you don't mess with the carts, that is.  And for just milk and bread, Kinley made it with out.  So for like $3, I got a gallon of milk and bread.  Score!  So yesterday I made the whole day on spending only $3.  Her new Adidas came in the mail yesterday, so it was kind of like shopping but I didn't spend anything.  Thank you, Nonie.  They are so super cute, too.

And in Kinley's adventures under the table while mommy blogs, she managed to break the power cord to the laptop.  It's not really broken, but cracked.  The adapter where it plugs in to the lap top, is cracked.  So you have to have it in just right for it to charge.  Needless to say, the laptop will randomly just shut off because it's dead. No notice, nothing.  I'm so irritated.  I know that the stupid cord will probably cost as much as the laptop to replace.  Isn't that always the way it happens? 

Last thing:  last night's TV--  Elizabeth on Biggest Loser NEEDS TO GO HOME!  I was so mad at her during the challenge last night.  She always fails because she can't breathe.  If she can't do the work, get off the ranch and quit ruining it for everyone else.  The asthma excuse isn't flying in this house and we want you to go home.  There, I said it.

And on DWTS, I was bummed to see Rick Fox go home.  That's his name, right?  I just call him the tall guy.  I didn't want anyone to go really.  I think that Bristol will be next though.

Survivor is tonight!  Woo-hoo!

Oh, and while you're here, VOTE FOR KINLEY!

My impersonation of a TV Guide

My hope is beginning to be restored.  Kinley went to bed pretty easily last night by 8:30 and only woke up at about 11:00 for us to find her paci and pat her back for about 2 minute (as reported by daddy, he took that shift).  She then woke up about 5:30 this morning to start her day.  We were so proud of her for sleeping through the night that I let her nurse immediately and then she got to come downstairs to visit with daddy before he left for work.  She only nursed one side, so I'm pretty sure she was anxious to come down and see him.  We are thinking that she knows that he's downstairs getting ready to leave...cause she always gets up in time to see him off.  Maybe she doesn't know....but it sure seems like she does.

So I feel better today....

Last night was Survivor night in our house.  That is a very important night of the week.  We're pretty serious about that show..too serious.  But I thought I would do my blog today about TV.  We have become junkies this season and are DVR'ing way more than we have time to watch.  So things are pretty backed up on there.

So Survivor-- I was shocked that Kelly B was voted off last night.  And for the simple reason of her having a fake leg?  Are you kidding me?  Talk about shallow.  I feel bad for her, and not because she has a prosthetic leg, but because she was judged because of it.  I totally wish that Nay and Brenda could have gone home.  I do think that Nay has calmed down a bit...primarily because she was moved away from Kelly B (when she was complaining about throwing her fake leg in the fire, I wanted to punch her in the face) but I still don't like her.  And you know, it says that she is a PE teacher?!  Are you kidding me?  She should be terminated immediately.  I would not want a person like her teaching my child.  No way.  Brenda is just a slimy snake that I can see winning the game and I can't stand the girl.  Most don't like Marty either....and honestly, I could take him or leave him.  I just dislike the two girls more.  And Dan (is that his name?) with the bad knees, what does he do for a living that allows him all of the homes and fancy cars?  I think they were smart to keep him.  They really don't need him in the challenges right now and he's an easy disposal later in the game.  I really don't have a favorite on there this season (yet) but I'm sure I will in a few weeks.

Undercover Boss:  We love this show and thankfully it's on On Demand with our cable company because it's always starting late due to football.  We keep forgetting to tell the DVR to record past the scheduled time (I just got up and fixed that) so we would miss it otherwise.  I know that they show is so staged but I love the feel good moments at the end when they give four of the thousands that work for them a nice scholarship or vacation.  It's one of those shows that is a waste of time, but a feel good waste of time.

Biggest Loser:  We're still a week behind on this show.  Two hours is hard to fit into our week schedule so we usually get caught up on the weekend.  We really don't have a favorite on here yet either.  Not much to say about it since we're so behind.

Dancing With the Stars:  I watch this one solo.  I just finished watching the results show and let me just say that I love that Jason DaRulo (I know I butchered his last name but I'm way too lazy to look it up right now) song on the radio, but live?  ICK.  He's a terrible live singer, terrible!  Now Shakira was awesome.  I'm not a fan but she totally made me feel like a lard-butt.  I so wish I could look like that, or move like that.  I bet she doesn't have kids.  I was ready for Florence to go home, so I'm not too sad about that....but I think that Bristol should have gone even though I wasn't ready for her to go.  I think she could still have a turn around and end up a great dancer.  The Hills chic, not sure of her name, has the worst boob job.  Its so gross to see the dents and wrinkles.  Surely she makes enough money to get them fixed.  My favorite is still Jennifer Gray.

Teen Mom:  This is my guilty pleasure.  I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I watch it.  But it's so addicting!  I don't think I saw them on 16&Pregnant, and I didn't see the first season but somehow I got hooked during this season.  So I just got to watch the Finale Special interview with Dr. Drew.  Catelynn and Tyler are the most mature of all of them.  Catelynn's mom needs to go to rehab or something.  I'm not sure if she's an addict or what her deal is but she is terrible and Catelynn needs to just plan her life without her.  She does nothing good for Catelynn.  At. All.  She doesn't deserve such an amazing daughter.  I think that her and Tyler will make it, I really do.  And my goodness, I sobbed when her and Tyler got to meet their daughter.  When Catelynn gave her that recorded book,  OMG.  I lost it.  For some reason, Carly reminds me of Kinley (looks wise) and it just ripped my heart out.  And did you notice that Carly looked at Catelynn and Tyler like she just knew?  I don't know....maybe I'm reading too much into it.    Amber, she was faking it during the interview.  She knows that she's screwed with the law about her beating the crap out of Gary in front of Leah and she acted like the "poor poor me" that she doesn't deserve.  I don't buy it and I'm not wasting my time even talking about her.  Take that child away, give her to Gary and let Amber rot.  If you want to blame your upbringing on your reason for being jacked in the head, then how do you explain how well Catelynn turned out?  Hmmmm?  Farrah is getting better.  She has made some major growth this season and it warms my heart to see her and her mom fixing their relationship.  I'm proud of her.  Maci, I think she has a lot of resources that none of the others have.  Her family (and Ryan's) obviously have money, and plenty of it.  She doesn't face the same trouble that the others do.  But, I give her credit because she doesn't seem to take it for granted and she doesn't act like a spoiled brat (hello, Farrah!).  I love her and Kyle together but I think she'll eventually ruin what they have because I honestly think she still harbors feelings for Ryan.  Just my thoughts. 

We also DVR:  Modern Family, &!#$ My Dad Says, Oprah (makes me cry everytime), Ellen (I always delete them before watching because we're out of DVR memory), The Middle, Better With You, Ice Truckers, Pawn Stars (for Richie) and American Pickers (for Richie). 

So spill it....what do you DVR and what is your guilty pleasure on TV?

Monday Funday

I got to sleep in today!  Yesssssss.  Kinley woke up screaming at about 2:30.  Richie ran in to give her the pac {read: "pass" as in pacifier} (I have night blindness and can't ever see well enough to find the stupid pac and make it into her mouth, luckily Richie takes on this dark task) and pray that she'd go back to sleep.  She didn't.  We laid in bed trying to go back to sleep despite her crying because we were trying to "teach her."  Yeah, that never works.  The last two nights she's gotten up at the butt-crack of dawn and we are trying to get her back on schedule.  Forty-five minutes later, she was still crying.  So I gave in and went to nurse her.  She nursed one side and  fell back to sleep. 

Poor angel. 
I hate letting her cry. 

This morning I didn't even hear Richie's alarm, his shower, him getting dressed, him eating, vaguely do I remember his kiss good-bye....and I don't remember hearing him leaving behind the biggest smile for my day.  Many months ago when Kinley was just a couple of months old, he left me a "thank you" note on this board and I never erased it.  It was my daily reminder to keep on, keeping on.  This makes my heart melt.

I realized that it's okay for me to sleep in today.  I needed it.  And he doesn't think I'm lazy because of it.

I had a dream last night that just hit me deep inside and I think it's one of those that I'll carry around all day.  You know the kind.  My dad passed away almost 5 years ago.  It still hurts every.single.day.  His birthday is coming up this Sunday so it's about time for the dreams to begin.  Last night was the start of my new yearly ritual.  In my dream, I received news from a guy I went to high school with (that I'm now only facebook acquainted with) that my dad was not in fact dead, but was in jail at a local jail.  He said that he worked with him and that no one was supposed to know that he was in jail.  I was elated to know that he was still alive and here on this Earth--and I was going to get to introduce him to Kinley Grace.  I was running around trying to get things together to go and see him....but for some reason....I couldn't get there.  Something kept coming up to keep me from being ready to go.  It was terrible....he was close enough to finally see again and I couldn't get there.  I never did get to see him in my dream and for that I'm very sad.  It's the only place I can go to see him/touch him/smell him.  I hope that my next dream allows me my time with him.  I need it these days.

I'm crying too much to see the screen...must change the subject.

Last night we watched that new show "Sister Wives."  I couldn't ever live that lifestyle, basically because I'm too jealous a person.  But don't they make it seem appealing?  Wow....a couple other women to share the life tasks with?  Dang....sign me up!  But then sharing your husband?  No way.  I quit.  Game over.  And then to find out he's dating outside of the three marriages he already has?!  I'd go psycho.  More than I already am.  I'm totally diggin' the show though.  Richie is too.  I'm glad too, cause our Sunday nights were pretty dry for TV watching.

So you remember how I said before that I was super hesitant about the pediatrician we (I) chose?  Well, this weekend Richie jumped on my bandwagon and said "that's it!"  And when Richie says "that's it," well, that's it.  You see, on Friday, I was having a bad case of psycho mom and noticed that Kinley was pulling at her ears.  They were bright red, she was crying, sticking her fingers in them.....typical ear infection signs.  So I call the dr and of course they can't get her in.  (What happened to your same day sick visit, Mr. Dr.?)  They say that they'll see her at 10 the next morning.  Whatever.  Well I give in and give her Tylenol, or the generic for it, since Tylenol can't stop recalling their brand.  I'm not the kind of mom that gives meds very often.  I use it as a last resort because I'm....well, psycho.  So she gets Tylenol because, God forbid, if she's uncomfortable and they aren't helping me, a moms gotta do what a moms gotta do.  Immediately, she stopped and went back to her regular routine.  Okay, so not immediately...but soon after.  Either she was just being dramatic (no, not my daughter!) or something was bothering her that was quickly remedied with Tylenol, or the generic version. 

So then Saturday morning at about 8:00, Richie and I decided we would cancel the appointment since she hadn't shown symptoms for about 24 hours.  I made him call to do the cancellation since he was up my butt about "getting ready."  We had friends in town for the weekend and were going to the city to play tourists.  Me getting ready requires some time.....now that I've put myself on luxury spending restrictions, I'm out of my hair product that allows me to wear my natural curls.  I can't wash and go without a three foot by two foot afro.  So that leaves one option.  Flat iron.  I have a ton of hair.  TON OF HAIR. and it is no quick task to flat iron these locks.  So, yeah.  He's on my butt about "hurry and get ready so we can go" and I didn't want to take a break to call the dr to cancel, because let's face it.  I'm so ADD that if I stop doing my hair to call the dr, somehow I'll end up folding laundry or loading the dishwasher despite having my hair half ironed, half in a ball on top of my head in a clip.  That's just how I roll.
Back to the dr.  So Richie calls and he's put on a loop of music and the occasional "please hold, there are XX callers in front of you." He's about to lose it.  We're used to our perfect pediatrician back home who really makes you feel like you're the only patient he sees.  He gives up and decides to leave a message to have them return our call.  He always gets tongue tied when leaving messages (or ordering in a drive thru, but that's another thing) so he throws the phone at me to leave a message.  I love how he gives me that "I'm so impressed" look when he listens to me leave a message.  I have the gift of speaking with a tone of "so friendly, but if you don't call me back quick-like, I'll turn the wrath of psycho-mom on you're arse." 

They then call back in about ten minutes.  Richie answers, they confirm our cancellation, life continues on.  Kinley is fine. 

Richie then asks what is up with the XX amount of callers in front of his.  I told him that you call into a main number and then that phone operator disperses the messages to whichever dr's office it's directed to.  That was it.  He said that we were pulling her from them asap.  Too big and too un-personal.  I couldn't agree more and secretly, I was jumping up and down inside to have not had to make that decision.  Today I'm calling another doctor that came from a recommendation from a friend back home.  I'm excited to get the appointment booked to meet her.

I have a plethera (I've always wanted to use that word) of things to do today.  My house is in the typical Monday condition and I have a full day's work to get it back to where it needs to be.  It's laundry day in our house.  Richie's company does his work laundry (sweet huh!) and all that we have to do is make sure it's there for them to pick up on Thursday morning.  Well, yeah.  My mind is obviously mush on Wednesday night because for the second week in a row, I'm washing the stupid work uniforms.  I vow to NOT forget this week.  I'm setting up a reminder in my phone now.  I hate washing his work uniforms.  They seriously make such a mess of my washer and dryer.  There is usually enough wood chips and tree parts in the dryer lint filter to have my own forest by now.  And that can't be good for the dryer.

Richie told me to go and get my curl product for my hair (he must be tired of waiting on me) but I am going to wait for Ulta to have a sale on it.  They seem to rotate their ads, so it should be coming around again soon.  I have to run to the post office (that is one errand that I love doing....it feels so old fashioned to go to the post office, do you agree?) and I still have two returns in my car that I was supposed to do over a month ago.  I never seem to get anything done.  Oh, but I did get the note done to that restaurant manager!  It felt so good too!  You should try it.  It feels amazing to do nice things for other people.  I highly recommend it.

Restore Defaults

Are they not going to sell any pumpkin flavored coffee creamer this year?  I know that I've seen it in stores before...when I wasn't looking for it.  I have tried two different groceries and neither have it.  I settled for a vanilla caramel this time and it's just ehhh.  I've not always been a fan of home brewing (coffee) and thought it never tasted as good as purchased coffee.  Then I decided that I didn't like the taste of a $10 a week coffee habit and realized that home brewing tastes just fine!  Just add enough flavored creamer and you're golden.  So I brew my 5 cups of Folgers Bistro Blend (which in turn gives me two cups of coffee, who measures those lines on the pot anyway?  they must use shot glasses in the Mr. Coffee factory to measure) and add my weekly choice of creamer.  Sure would love to have a week or two of pumpkin though.

Did you like my post yesterday?  The one where I was in the middle of a complete melt down?  I lost it yesterday.  It happens.  I have my days.  Lots of them.  I would swear that on those days, God just hates me and wants to see me lose my mind.  I have a bad habit of allowing myself to take on too much and then feeling like a complete failure when things don't go just right.  When you take on that much, there is so little wiggle room.  You need wiggle room.  Especially when you have a child.  I am learning how to wiggle.

I remember a post I wrote a week or so ago about making a schedule or routine to help me not feel so over whelmed.  I need to go back and reread that obviously, because yesterday was just ridiculous.  Eventually, I did calm down but it took me a couple of hours.  Kinley did take a nap (about two hours) and I forced myself to sit sideways in the recliner (my chosen position) and watch "I'm Pregnant and Homeless" and realized that I don't have it quite so bad....as I tried to tell myself earlier that day.

How do I change my defaults?  You know when you are working on Word or whatever, you change a setting and there is that button that says "restore default?"  Well, I want that button.  For days like that.  I get a bit off track and I just need to restore my default.  It's way too easy to just lay down and die and say "oh my God this sucks!" or "oh my God, I think I'm going to die today!" or "nothing EVER goes my way and life is just not faiiiiiiirrrrrr!"  That is so much easier than getting up and going on. 

I have such high expectations for myself and I just wish I wouldn't be so critical.  Maybe the whole schedule or routine is a bad thing for someone like me?  Because honestly, I had a schedule for yesterday and because of the way the day was going, nothing was getting done.  And then I felt like a failure.  Once I had that time to sit sideways and watch TV for 30 minutes....I was fine.  I then got up, got the dishwasher unloaded, reloaded, house cleaned up, etc. and I went about my day.  I guess sometimes you just have to break in order to rebuild.  or restore.

Yesterday, my friend Kami, referred me to a blog and I must say that I'm in love.  It's called Heir to Blair and her writing is amazing.  Another blog I found (found it by clicking "next blog" up there on the top left) is called Life After I "Dew".  I thoroughly enjoy reading both of their writings.  They make me feel like I'm catching up with an old friend.  It's nice to have that when you really don't have many friends "IRL."  I mean, I have friends...but since moving, I've not met anyone.  I'm working on that.  Okay, no I'm not.  But I have hopes to work on that in the near future.

Last night we watched our favorite show, Survivor.  Love love love it.  This season is starting out slow, as it always does and we're rooting for the older tribe.  We'll probably switch later, we always do.  I don't really have a favorite player yet but that Nay on the young tribe should be ashamed of herself for the way that she talks about the girl with the artificial leg.  Her mom would not be proud.  Shame on her.  We were hoping that she would get the ax last night but geez, the way that Shannon was taking at tribal council, it's no wonder he got it.  How stupid to shoot yourself in the foot like that!

We then watched that new show "Better With You," (i think that's what it's called) and it was pretty good.  It's one of the new ones that we're DVRing.  We'll see if it continues to spark our interest.  Then after a friend's recommendation, we watched "Modern Family."  We laughed and will probably give it another shot.  We also DVR'd "The Middle" but haven't watched it yet.  Isnt' that the same as "Malcolm In the Middle?"  I never watched that but maybe Richie did?  I'm not sure.  He doesn't seem to excited to watch it but I just love that kid that is in it. 

My guilty pleasure, which I'm almost embarrassed to admit, is Teen Mom.  I know that it's a teen show but I just am so in to it.  It's crazy.  An hour a week is just not enough.  I watched this week's episode yesterday while Kinley was nursing.  That Amber and Gary really need to get a grip or someone needs to take that little girl away.  They aren't doing one single thing to benefit her well being.  It is really sad.  Farrah needs a dose of reality.  She feels that everyone owes her.  Her mom is just as nuts as she is but luckily her dad seems to have at least half a brain.  Which is more than her and her mom put together.  Poor, poor Katelynn.  I just want to take her in.  Her and Tyler are *the most* mature and just amaze me.  I hope that they make it and I honestly think they will.  Katelynn's mom is not right.  I hope she watches these episodes back and feels like the ass that she is.  Maci is adorable and I'm so happy she moved to be close to Kyle.  I honestly don't think that Ryan gives two poops about Bentley.  He's such a waste.  You know, I was thinking, Farrah always complains about no money but don't they get paid for doing the show?  And Catelynn's mom surely gets something for allowing the cameras in her home/car...so why doesn't she have money for Butch's attorney?  See what I mean...I'm way too crazy about this show.  It's my thing.

Nothing to say...

Oh geez.  I spent almost an hour this morning doing this redesign.  I'm still not 100% satisfied with the look, but it's going to do for now.  I've spent most of my "me time" working on the design and zero of it blogging. 

What a beautiful day yesterday was!  Kinley and I actually left the house!  I had to go buy that book and I read Kinley a book in the children's section.  She was more interested in the celestial themed carpet than the Olivia book that I chose to read to her.  I almost bought her a Halloween book but I kept telling myself that she already has two full bookshelves and really doesn't need another book.  Especially when she's not really in to reading right now.  I pushed myself out the door with only Julius Caesar in hand and got that for free thanks to the gift card that I found during our move.  You know, I couldn't even tell you where I got that...but so glad that I did.  So to whomever it was that gave it to me, thankyouverymuch.

After leaving the mall I was tempted to head to the Commons to do some returns.  I have a shirt from Maurices that I need to return and a pair of pants to return to H&M.  The shirt I bought back in like July and I hate the way it fits.  The pants were for Kinley but her thighs are too fat chubby wubby for them.  I started heading towards the Commons when I decided that I really wasn't wanting to deal with an outdoor mall in the high winds we had.  So we skipped our returns and went to a mall by our house.  It's one of those deserted malls.  It has a few department stores anchoring the ends but aside from those, there were maybe 10 or so stores still open.  I was pleasantly surprised that of those 10, I'd shop at almost all of them.  There is a Victoria's Secret, Aero, Gymboree, Bath and Body Works, Limited, Famous Footwear..... good ones, huh!?  And it's less than five minutes from our house.  Sweetness.   

So one of the big stores on the end is Kohl's.  I went in there to try and find a brown onesie.  I need it to go with Kinley's tutu for pictures and for the life of me, can't find one anywhere.  I thought for sure that Kohl's would have one.  They had so many outfits that I wanted to get for Kinley.  I had to literally talk myself out of buying them, more than once.  I realized how bad my shopping addiction is...for baby clothes.  I walked through the juniors department and couldn't talk myself in to buying something for myself.  It was easy to tell myself no.  When I start school in January, I will have to get new clothes so I just tell myself that I can wait until then.  Dressing Kinley is much more fun than dressing myself.  I'm sure it all goes back to me being totally uncomfortable in my own skin.

Kinley totally shoplifted for the first time yesterday.  She stole a doll from Kohl's.  I stopped to look at this end cap full of stroller clip on toys but after seeing the price I changed my mind.  I walked on not even paying much attention.  After we left Kohl's and were on our way to Gymboree, I looked down and there was a stroller toy.  In my stroller.  Crap.  I was so scared.  I was looking around to see if security was going to arrest me.  Haha  We were already at the other end of the mall.  So we walked back to return the shoplifted doll.  I just walked back in, put in on a random shelf and walked back out.  I was too embarrassed to admit what had happened.  Kinley freaked out when I took it away from her.  But seriously, the child has a million toys.  She really didn't need a doll that she only really cared about the tag anyway.

Have you been watching Oprah?  I know that most of ya'll work, but there is DVR.  I have never been an Oprah watcher and it being her final season has kind of pushed me to watch.  So I DVR it and watch it as I find time.  I tell ya, she is good!  The guests that she's had on so far are not people that I would have ever considered someone that I would be interested in but I'm impressed.  Last week she had on the Judds, and while I've never considered myself a fan, I knew of their music and name.  Let me tell you...I felt so empowered and touched by their story.  I learned a quote from that show that I've been mulling over ever since... "that doesn't work for me."  Now I'm the kind of girl that has a very hard time saying no to anyone.  Well, anyone but my husband!  Haha.  I think it was the daughter, so Winona, said that when you are too afraid to say no, or not wanting to disappoint someone by saying no, try out "that doesn't work for me."  Good, huh?

Oprah then had on Jon Stewart.  I had heard of the guy, but honestly couldn't tell you what he did or why he was famous.  That dude is hilarious!  He actually made me crack up.  I decided that his show may be DVR worthy. 

Speaking of DVR....I've got that line up STACKED this season.  Our usual shows are Biggest Loser, Survivor...the reality types.  But this season, I've got tons of stuff scheduled.  I figure that it's free (well, aside from our cable bill which we'd have anyway) entertainment.  We can't go to a movie because we have no sitter and Kinley is very much *not* theater friendly.  This can be our Saturday night date.  Catch up on shows.  I couldn't even tell you all of the shows that I'm recording...there are so many.  But with it being the premieres and most are pilot seasons, what better time!?

I have a stacked "to-do" list today.  First and foremost, I have to read that essay in Julius Caesar and get my response posted on Blackboard.  Then I have to vaccuum and dust the upstairs, since I only managed to get the downstairs done yesterday.  Next on the list, plan something for dinner.  I hate planning dinner.  We always do the same old, same old.  I did spice it up yesterday and do Salsa Chicken.  It was tasty, actually.  Even though I'm not a fan of chicken.  I'm going to send my little note card to that restaurant today too.  And finally, tackle the mound of Kinley clothes that can't seem to find a home in her room.  Maybe even clean some out.  Ugh....anyone else notice that baby clothes are so much more fun to organize while you're still pregnant?

Making a list

Today's wake up call came at about 4:30 a.m. Miss Kinley decided it would be a great time to wake up mom and dad. So she proceeded to shout out, not cry, until we came to her room. Richie got up to check on her and there she sat in her crib having a grand ole' time. Who knows how long she'd actually been awake.

He brought her to our bed and I nursed her and she was ready to go. She wanted Lucy out of her cage and wanted to get a start on her day...there is a lot of playing to do! Of course by 6 a.m. she was whining and fussing because she was tired. I rocked her to sleep and carried her back to bed and the second I lay her down, she pops back up. That brings us to this moment. She's up there crying out for me now. It's going to be one of those days.

Last night we watched Big Brother and even though we were given a glimpse into Enzo's home life and they all seem super great...I'm still not on the Enzo wagon. Everyone that I liked has gotten voted out, so now I'm just watching to watch. Hayden seems to need the money most, being a student and all. But his mouth drives me insane! I don't even know what it is but I can't stand to watch him talk. Lane is cool, probably my fave of who is left...but he doesn't need the $$. Enzo has rode on coat-tails through the whole entire game. I don't think he played a strategic game. I think he lucked out every single time. It frustrates me.

We went to bed last night and then got into the conversation about what we would do if someone broke into our house. We composed so many "what if" scenarios and ended up just scaring the bejeezes out of me. The bedrooms in our home are upstairs and Richie's gun cabinet is in the finished basement. Not very smart, eh? We really aren't in fear; our subdivision is very nice and safe...or seems to be. But you just never know. Having Kinley in our lives makes us look at every situation in a new light. Protecting her and her well being is always our top priority and having her safety at risk is just not an option. It is good to have those kinds of "what if" conversations. I think it makes you more prepared or at least feel that you're more prepared.

Kinley is still up there...and she is losing her mind. BRB.

That time worked much better. She nursed (again...third time today and it's only 7:00 a.m.)and is sleeping soundly.

How do you find motivation? I mentioned before about the P90x and needing to drop 20 pounds and I have yet to do a single thing about it. The only thing I can give myself credit for is not eating out. We made ourselves a deal that we would eat at home except for special treats and so far we're doing a really good job...but the working out has yet to happen. Why not now? I could list excuses, but you don't want to hear them. Truth be told, I'm too stinkin' lazy.

The laziness rules my world. How sad is that? Today I will make a promise to myself...I will make my list and cross things off. I love to make lists but even more, I like to cross things off. I lay in bed at night before falling asleep making my mental list and by morning I have forgotten most of the things and spend so much of my day racking my brain to remember what I forgot to remind myself to do! Ugh!

I placed and ad on Craigslist yesterday for a part time sitter for Kinley when I go back to school two days a week. Classes for that semester start January 18. I got quite a few responses...some charging 30 a day, 45 a day, 70 a day and 90 a day. Why such a wide range? Does the quality really vary that much that it could raise/lower a price *that much*? When going through the responses, there are certain things that just cause an immediate "delete" and the main thing is grammar. It's such a pet peeve for me. While I know that I'm not a grammar genious, I try to be very aware and particular when it comes to spelling/sentence structure/etc. When someone responds to my ad with several typos and referring to my daughter as "your kid" I just don't even read any further. It kind of grosses me out. I think that I found one that seems legit and worth the money. And she is pretty much on my route from home to school. We'll see how it goes....I started early with my search so that I would be certain to find someone just right for us.

I guess I should get busy on my list now....cause I could ramble all morning long. The more I ramble, the less I have to put on that list!

Here goes nothing...

After getting the blog created and writing that first entry, I was so excited to get started and write more...but I have an infant and time isn't as free as it once was. She wasn't too concerned about the blog or the need for entries.

So now she's fed, changed, nursed and playing on the floor somewhat content. Ready, set, blog!

First of all, did you see Big Brother last night?! Talk about intense. I can now say that I like Enzo the least of the five left in the house. What a rude way to play the Veto challenge. Lame. Poor Ragen. I just love that guy. I really want to know what his tat says on his arm but despite my googling, I haven't found an answer. I'm holding out hope that either Britney or Ragen will come out the winner. You know, Lane did score big points with me last night when he put up Hayden over Britney. What's up with that? She is engaged, right? In my mind, I think that Hayden will go home tonight. Enzo will be next and then Ragen. My prediction is that it will be Lane and Britney in the end. I don't think that either of them need the money though.

The CMA concert thing was on too. I DVR'd it as well. I only watched half of it though, so far. But man, I thought Kelly Pickler got engaged? I didn't see a ring...but didn't she look drunk or something? She can be pretty if she tries but she just looked like trash last night. Oh, and Tim McGraw...he's always been a super hottie but his age is getting to him. His butt is gone! He's an old man that has scratched it all off. Just like George Strait. Love them both still, btw. Reba looked her age last night too. Carrie Underwood just made me want to diet. I felt so fat watching her perform. Yes, slightly jealous. Slightly.

Enough TV talk.

So Richie and I are trying out a new way of living. No, we're not going vegan, or nudist, or anything crazy like that. We're going to try out the "living on cash" way of life. We started watching that show "Till Debt Do Us Part" (wait, I thought I was done with TV talk?!) and just really liked the way that the lady planned out the finances by using the jars for expenses. So we'll see how this goes. We are the king and queen of blowing money. That debit card is the devil. I'm going to try to be more aware of what I throw in my cart at the grocery. We're going to stop buying Kinley a new outfit or toy at every shopping trip. Just be more mindful of our spending. New town, new way of thinking? Does anyone else do the cash method? I'd be interested to hear how it works.

Today I'm going out in this rainy, yuck, weather to meet with the third pediatrician. Dr. Song is her name and the website has me impressed, so we'll see how she does. I'm a super picky mom. I go off of my first impression and then the rest has to follow. Kinley is on a different schedule that most children when it comes to her medical care, so I am interviewing pediatricians to see if they will follow my preferred plan of care. I won't go into details of that here, yet, because I'm not looking for a backlash of criticism. I care for my/our daughter the way I see fit for our family. /end of that.

So while I'm pretty certain that pediatrician #2 is the winner, I have to give #3 and #4 a chance.

And now, if I don't get upstairs to shower, I never will make it to our appointment on time. I'll continue later today.