Trouble in Sleepyville

Kinley was a champion sleeper.  At 9 weeks old, she slept through the night.  By 9 months, we could put her in bed awake and she would self soothe and fall to sleep on her own.  And then around 18 months-ish, it all fell apart.  We were back to having to get her to sleep (usually rocking her) before laying her down...and now, we lay on her floor next to her bed until she's asleep.  Ugh.  How did it come to this?

She is two (and a half) and should not need us to lay next to her bed for her to fall asleep.

We did the cry it out method for a while--and while it SUCKED--it worked.  It hasn't been every night since 18-ish months, but there were gaps when she would self soothe to sleep.  Do they still call it self soothing at this age?  So cry it out did work for us.  I think that it took at least five years off of my life--but it did work to our benefit.

At this point in the game, I feel that she's too old for the cry-it-out.  She can talk, she can reason, she can put the guilt trip down.  It wouldn't be so bad if we could go in with her and then thirty minutes later, she would be asleep.  Oh no---we're talking an hour to two hours EACH NIGHT being on her floor next to her bed while she's talking, singing, reading, playing.  I know, I know...we're crazy.  But don't judge.  I've yet to meet a perfect parent.

For a few months around her second birthday, we had it under control.  We had a routine and she did well.  Bath at 7, brush teeth, read books, say prayers, and good night.  We left her room and she was left to fall asleep.

I blame ourselves for the situation that we're in.  We got lazy.  We got tired of the routine and quit.  We kept pushing bed time later and later and eventually just quit it all together.  I think that we were tired of being tied to the apartment every night at 7 to start the routine. Especially now with it staying light out so much later and Richie working longer days.  Starting a bedtime routine at 7 just made us feel robbed of our evenings with her.

So I know the problem is us.  But what can we do about it now?  It's going to be difficult to get it under wraps at this point...especially with her and I being home all summer.  Let's face it, the child sleeps till she wakes up--instead of her 5:50 a.m. wake up call during the school year.  So she's sleeping later.  Nap schedule is not consistent because of the sporadic wake up time and our schedule varying day by day.

Geez, there is no consistency in our child's life.  Yikes.  I guess that it took me typing that all out to realize it.

But we have to fix it.

For our sanity and her well being.  It's just not a good situation.

We are planning to start our bedtime routine again.  I've been researching it online and have found that at this age, it's important to make the child feel like they still have choices in the situation.  So I can let her choose her own jammies (she does anyway--had to move her underwear and jammie drawer to the bottom of the dresser so that she could make her own choices), let her choose three books (you put the limit on how many books but she chooses the ones she wants to read) and put her to bed.  But what I'm unsure about is the end part.....put her to bed.  Do we go back to cry it out?  Is that healthy at this age?  Will it be effective?

I have noticed that on the nights that she falls asleep dramatically (as in, hysterical crying, because we're trying to fix this problem), she wakes several times throughout the night.  If she falls asleep peacefully (with us on her floor) she will sleep {mostly} soundly.

No joke, I sometimes feel as if I have a newborn again.  There are nights that I am up three or four times to put her back to sleep.  I am thinking that it could be night terrors, or something.  I'm really unsure.  And a  friend of mine said that when her 2.5 year old has to cry herself to sleep, she goes somewhere where she can't hear her, to help her sanity.  Well, we live in a tiny apartment.  I can't go anywhere but outside, and that's illegal and super unsafe.

What do you suggest?  Have you had experience with this?  Advice?

This night, she decided to sleep on the floor.
Daddy usually falls asleep there too.

Do we suck it up and let her grow out of it?  We have started taking headphones into her room with us (usually only one of us lays next to her, sometimes both of us) and listen to the Dave Ramsey show on our phones.  It is much better than just laying there staring at the ceiling, just waiting for her to pass out.  Our parent's generation, and older, tell us to cherish these days when she wants held or rocked to sleep.  I get that.  I really, really do.  But I also know that it's not healthy for her--our our marriage--to keep this up.  We DREAD bed time.  Because even if we try to rock her to sleep, which I feel is crazy {for me}, she will think it's play time.

I know that she has full control...she has full control in every aspect of our life.  And we are aware of that.  But slightly unsure what to do to take it back.

Any ideas or advice is welcomed and appreciated!