Monday, August 8, 2011

Living On A Prayer

The past week has been such a true test of my faith.  I am so overwhelmed with life...I walk around feeling utterly exhausted.  I wake up exhausted.

School is wearing me out.  I know, I'm not even in a class right now, right?!  You see, I have one semester before graduation.  ONE SEMESTER.  I have to student teach.  I am supposed to start student teaching a week from today.  Funny thing is, I have no placement.  I've made mention of this before.  But the thing is, I just don't feel well served right now.  I feel that the university should be doing more to get this taken care of.  I submitted my application, letter of intent and resume in January.  Why are they just now busting butt to find placement in August?  Out of all of the student teachers this semester, there are 19 without placements.  And we are in Chicago-land, people.  Do you realize how many schools are in the Chicago-land area?  And you can't find placements for your students?

They promise (as if I trust their promises anymore) that I will be placed and that it just may be that I have to start later than all of the other student teachers.

That just isn't feeling good enough...the benefit of student teaching in the fall semester is that you get to start a school year with a teacher.  You get that awesome experience of getting your classroom ready, establishing classroom rules and implementing all of the procedures that make a classroom work.  I need to get placed and in a classroom this week.  I need to.  I didn't work this hard to fall through the cracks now. 

I talked to the placement lady today at our SmartBoard training and she told me that she is expecting to hear from a principal today via email and if that didn't work out that she had another district in mind.  I asked her if that other district was a sure thing (despite it being an hour away) and she said no.  Soooo, ask me how much faith I have in that?!

And then to put icing on my freakin' cake, I found out that the government is reviewing our tax records and W2s to evaluate my financial aid for fall.  So my funds are all tied up in whatever it is they are doing....the financial aid office said that I could go ahead and start my semester and hopefully we'll get this cleared up soon.  And if we don't?  I guess I'll have to pay out of pocket for the semester?  Yeah, okie-dokey.  Let me just go and pull that $4K off of my money tree in the back yard.  No problem what-so-ever. 

So thanks, my-former-favorite-ever university for making me feel like chopped liver.  I honestly feel like every obstacle that could possibly come up is being thrown my way.  It's like God doesn't want me to graduate.

I am learning the hard way that you just sometimes have to put it in His hands.  And I am not very good at letting things go....  a bit of a control freak, you see.  I have fallen on my knees and just prayed and prayed that I will get this placement (the one that she's supposed to hear about via email today).  It is so close to R's work and an amazing district.  The school is beautiful.  I want it. 


Not only is my placement making me ill.....but R and I have been arguing a lot again and while it is slightly different, we're still arguing again nonetheless.  I mean, it's not as bad as it was--not even close--but I was so enjoying those few weeks of bliss with no arguments and no disagreements.  And I know that it was all a "honeymoon" phase all over again...but I just wasn't ready for it to end.  But I guess the good thing is that we are arguing better than we did before.  Does that make sense?  We aren't holding grudges for days/weeks/months.  We get mad, we argue and we let it go.  So I guess that's an improvement?  There are many improvements....  few set backs.

And while I'm on the complain band-wagon:
Food makes me sick.  It seems that since stopping the gym I have just felt lousy.  And I know that working out and eating healthy makes you feel good but I have not done either for a few weeks and I am totally feeling it.  Ugh.  I just feel ick all the time and nothing sets well with my tum. 

In happier news, I got my grade from my summer class...that I just finished last week.  Talk about fast grading on her part! of my favorite songs is available for a free download on the K-Love website.  So if you wanna hear it, check out the video below. 

Then if you love it, as much as I do, go here and get a free download of it.  And I think the free download is only good today.  But I could be mistaken.  I didn't read the fine print.

And....I am the winner, winner, chicken dinner!  Yes, yes...I won this adorable apron from The Real Housewife of H2oVille!  I can't wait to like.....make cupcakes in it!  Or just look at it cause it's so freakin' cute.  My husband has a thing for flirty aprons.  He thinks they are sexy.  So he was equally excited about this give-away!

And finally, my last "reason to smile" today....The Bachelor Pad starts tonight.  I love reality smut TV and can not wait to see Vienna (I so don't like that girl) and what's his name duke it out  Ooooh, and Vienna is now dating the "guard and protect your heart" dude!  The drama....oh, the drama!   I may have to tweet this one out tonight!

Okay peeps, I am going to treat myself to a movie for the short remainder of K's nap.  I deserve it after all of this stress today.  If you are the praying kind, pray for me.  I need this student teaching placement.  I need the relief from stress.



Bethany said...

I have faith that it is all going to work out and whatever school and class gets you will be so lucky!!! As for the arguing with R just know that every marriage has their bumps and you guys are doing so amazing. Just think where you were not long ago!! As for the apron that could help settle a few arguments if you use it right!! lol

PS I'm super stoked about Bachelor Pad too!!

Anonymous said...

By having FAITH, everything will turn out just that way you hope it will.

You will receive the placement that you are wanting/desiring, don't worry about that. It's just that some thing take a little more time than others. You've to to remember that good things come to those that wait.

As for the is Your hubby R wants you to only be wearing that in the kitchen when you whip up a batch of cupcakes or whatever. And when you do...oh baby...look out...cause he'll want to be taking it off you for sex shortly thereafter!!!

Barbara said...

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this! :( I'm just like you and I hate giving up control. You're going to be an amazing teacher and any school will be so lucky to have you!

I'm thinking of you! I hope you and R. get to enjoy that apron! ;)

jinnie said...

Eeeks! I hope it all works out for you soon! Actually, I KNOW it will work out. God likes to do this to me all the time -- I think it's His way of making me reaffirm my faith. :)

And seriously, I am drooling over that apron. Have I ever coveted an apron before or drooled over one? No... this is very new and strange territory for me. ;) How cool that you won that!

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