Warrior Momma

You know, sometimes I wonder how I do it.  Its like, when your baby is sick, you just become this new person, a new personality, a new being.  There is one thing I'm sure of, you don't mess with my baby.

I drove the hour and a half commute to class yesterday, because we were on campus and not at the elementary school.  The kids had the day off....still unsure why.  Anyway.  So I drove to class with Pink blaring the whole way.  It was a good commute. 

Standing in the hall conversing with my classmates before class started and I get a text, "She's running a slight fever.  Call me when you can."  It was KG's day care lady.  My heart sank.  You see, that morning, I said to my husband that I thought she was warm.  On Monday she was super clingy and fussy, I blamed teething.  Tuesday morning, my husband blamed my accusations of her 'being warm' on my mommy psycho-ness.  (which if often the case, but I knew better this day)  So while I was shocked to get the text, I wasn't really.  I knew that I was at least 90 minutes from her, maybe more with traffic at this point.  Dad was the only option. 

I got it arranged for him to pick her up and immediately called her doctor to get her in.  They had an opening at 10:30 with a ped in the same office as ours.  We never get to see our ped for sick visits.  Ever.  (Rant #1).  Even though when we interviewed her and chose her, we were told that she holds about 4 appointment slots open daily for situations just as these.  Not once have we been able to see her for a sick visit. 

Dad picked her up at 9:30 and took her straight over to the doctor's office.  You all probably realize by now how nuts I am when it comes to being a mom.  I'm slightly obsessive, crazy some may say, when it comes to my daughter.  I go overboard sometimes.  You can imagine what a nutcase I was sitting in class knowing that my baby was sick.  At the doctor.  With her dad.  No offense to him, (okay so he'll take it offensively) but dads just don't do it the same.  Dads just don't listen the same.  Dads just don't cuddle the same.  And, really, dads just don't fight the same.  I gave him specific instructions to 'get mad' and 'demand answers' but I just felt like I wasn't going to get my point across via my significant other.

About 45 minutes after they arrived, I got a text saying that they were in the lab, signal was bad, he'd call me later.  Ummmmm, yeah, I flew out of my classroom so fast.  Called him.  Went to voicemail.  I did the whole call, get voicemail, hang up, call again.  Did that about five times.  FINALLY, he answered.  He was saying something about her immune system and looking for something....but his phone was not holding signal.  I believe that at this point I was shaking.  Had I not been 90 + minutes away, I would have been there.  Stat. 

It took another 30 minutes or so for me to hear anything.  And wouldn't you know it.....he couldn't remember most of what the doctor said.  I realized then that this was going to end up in a big old argument...him vs. me.  So I said, forget it, I'm calling the doctor.

I called the doctor's office and as politely as I could (which wasn't very polite), said "WTF" (not in those words, but as closely as I could without offending).  The receptionist sent my call to the medical assistant and she informed me that they were testing for a blood infection, possibly mono, possibly inflammation in her tissues, could be liver enzymes, flu, step, could be blah, blah, blah.  But (she said the 'but' as if it were going to be good news) her throat is raw and inflamed and she had green stuff way up in her nose.

If I could have went through the phone, I would have.  They tell me that her throat is raw and inflamed EVERY TIME I go there.  And lately, I'm getting a little tired of the generic responses.  If her throat is raw and inflamed every other week for over two months....FIND OUT WHY and FIX IT!

They ran every test they could to check for everything they could think of and it all comes back normal.  I hate the word 'normal' because really, what is normal? 

We're supposed to treat the symptoms and 'ride it out' and wait for our appointment wtih the ENT--which is the 15th.

She was fevered all night, crying in her sleep and then, the croup-y cough returned.  The one she just got over.  Seriously?  What is going on!?

I called the doctor's office first thing this morning.  So early, that the answering service started to answer and then the receptionist picked up half way through.  I had to of been the first caller of the day.  But, imagine this, our doctor is "booked" for the day. Despite her telling me in our interview that she keeps 4 slots open for emergencies AND I called at 8:00 on the dot. 

The lady on the other end of the phone offered to have us see another ped in the office.  I declined.  She offered to have me talk to a nurse.  I declined.  I said that I want OUR dr to call me back.  I swear that the office staff is like her secret service.  You have to get through them to get to her.  Ugh.

Fast forward a few hours, the dr's

I really don't have expectations of learning anything new at this appointment.  I'm sure that she'll say it's a 'virus' (and we all know how much I love that) and that I just have to wait it out...but at least I'm trying.  I'm trying to figure out what is going on with my baby girl.  Because my instinct, my motherly instinct, says that they aren't catching something. 

Off my rant.

Let's talk this diet.  By use of myfitnesspal.com, I'm learning so much about what I'm putting into my body.  And well, after completing my diary yesterday, I was alerted that I'm not taking in enough calories.  Guess my old ways of starvation to lose weight is kind of creeping in the background.  I'm going to try really hard to do better today. 

It's really hard, because we don't buy healthy food.  We buy junk that is quick and easy.  So I can eat a little bit a few times a day.  I'm starving.  I know that my body is just getting used to the changes in my diet...but I wish it would hurry up.  My days used to be filled with eating chocolate and chips and candy and more chocolate and then maybe some sweet tea and more potato chips.  (and I wonder why I am so chubby)  I'm still working at it though, and I am keeping up with the walking at night.  Still haven't gone to the gym to get a membership, but only because I've been consumed with a sick baby and homework. 

No more excuses.