Cry Baby

Today is starting to be one of those days where I would swear that Kinley hates me.  Ugh.  She's been fighting sleep for two days.  Screaming, not crying, SCREAMING when we try to put her to bed.  And when she finally gives in and falls asleep, two hours later, she picks up where she left off.

I've not slept much the last couple of days.

And I'm wondering if she hates me.  If she gets some sort of gratification by seeing me as a walking zombie. 

Of course she doesn't.

But man, sometimes it feels like it.

She's hanging on my legs right now while I'm trying to pretend I'm on a "real" spring break.  Sitting in my lounger, soaking up the rays, getting a nice sunburn (I really don't tan) and ordering a nice, cold drink from the lovely cabana boy.

Yes, this is where I'm at. 

Okay, back to reality.  I'm no where near that....but wouldn't it be nice?!  I foolishly made my list of things that I want to accomplish on my spring break and so far, I've done maybe half of one....that being cleaning/organizing my house. 

Today, Kinley is supposed to go to day care for a half day to allow me to work on homework, but with the way she's acting, I'm not sure it's going to happen.  I woke up with that ick, sick feeling in my throat and I'm wondering if maybe she's not feeling well either.  It would only make sense.  That would be my luck!  A sick baby over my spring break.

And you know how I said that we began the weaning process?  Yeah, I nursed her last night AND this morning.  Ladies, it was an act of DESPERATION.  Any other nursing momma understands this:  Nursing heals all.  Nursing calms a fussy baby.  Nursing puts a sick baby to sleep.  Nursing makes all things right in their world.  I was desperate and knew that I was one step away from losing my mind.  So I did it.  I lifted my shirt and let her nurse.  Ugh.

My husband was so disappointed in me.  He reminds me all the time that she's too big to nurse.  I understand that.  But he doesn't understand the desperation of feeling defeated.  She doesn't hang on his legs.  She doesn't cry and whine and tug on his shirt.  So call me a failure.  I call it a slow process.  We are weaning.  But it's going to be on our own pace.  No one else can judge if they haven't been there/done that.  Easy to say to "just stop."  Yeah, easy to say. 

I watched The Bachelor last night and Emily accepted the proposal!  Just what I wanted to see happen!  I thought that they would be so happy.  And then......After the Final Rose came on and the Emily that I saw on there was totally not the Emily we "came to know" on the show.  She was cold and just not happy.  I'm not one to judge because what we see on TV is so not their reality but I'd say he messed up pretty bad for her to turn around like that.  Honestly, I don't see a wedding in their future.  I hope I'm wrong.  But, did you see her new hair?!  Love it.  I'm so wanting to color mine a blonde color.  Totally. Ashley H., the new bachelorette, totally not liking her new color and bangs.  But I didn't see her on Jimmy Kimmel last night, so maybe it looked better than at the Women Tell All show.  I'll have to youtube it.

I guess I need to get started on my day.  Kinley put herself to sleep (hallelujah).  Shower and get her stuff ready for day care!