Thursday, December 13, 2012

Bitter Baby

There is nothing like a good old pity party to bring you back to your blog.  I'm just going to cut to the chase here....someone got pregnant and it wasn't me.  Story of my life, or so it seems in this self pity state.  Let me preface this by saying that I know how blessed we are to already have one.  A wonderful, beautiful, healthy little girl (who is three now, by the way).  I don't take that for granted (and I hate when people say that they take something for granite.) for one second.  Neither of us do.  And yes, I was all "one is enough" or "we are satisfied as a family of three" for a very long time.  That, has now, changed. 

I want another baby so bad. 

Kinley wants another baby, so bad.

She wants a "brudder."

We've been "trying" for a few months now.  But after the first couple, we realized that we weren't really trying but more hoping. 

I mean, we've never prevented, but we weren't really trying either.  Without getting all TMI on you, lets just say that we didn't do things as often as someone would if they were in fact "trying."

So on a whim, I got this text from the hubs that says, "I think we need to actively start trying again."

Ummm, wha huh?

I responded to him that we were, actively trying.

It was him that reminded me that we in fact, weren't.  And he was right.

So here we are back on the band wagon and on month cycle two.  If only I had regular cycles.  No joke, my cycles range from 96-ish days to 35-ish days.  Yeah.  How am I supposed to work with that?
I have the app that is supposed to help us know when those special days are...but according to the app, I was fertile three weeks ago--and I'm now fertile again for the next cycle.  Ugh.  So frustrating.

According to this app, I am 18 days late.  Normally, that would have every woman running for the "Family Planning" aisle at the closest Walgreens. 

For us, it's causes zero concern. 

And that makes me mad. 

I want the excitement of the "what if!?" and I want to anticipation of OMG, I'm late!  But nope, no cause for concern.  I have the log of all of my cycles and my cycle this time last year, was 96 days long.  So yeah.

I have zero symptoms of being pregnant, and zero symptoms of starting a period any time soon.  I have so had it.

I recently celebrated my 34th birthday, and Kinley just had her third birthday.  Our window of opportunity is closing, quickly.  We truly don't want a huge gap in our children's ages.  And I don't want to face the health risks of an ahem older pregnancy.

So back to my pity party....another blogger just announced her pregnancy.  Baby #2.  They decided four months ago that it was time to expand their family.  Boom, bang.  Done.

Must be nice.

I am bitter.  Allow me to be bitter.  I'll get over it sooner than later.

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