Tuesday, January 3, 2012

A personal request

If I had a dollar, or ten, for everything I did that I said I would never do with my child....I would be on my way to a very wealthy life.  But, I don't.  But I still do things almost every day night that I say I wouldn't ever do, as a parent.

Case in point:

For the past couple of weeks, she's been joining us in our bed sometime between 2-4 in the morning.  Luckily, she is still in her crib and she can't join us unknowingly.  I hear her wake up, I go and get her and tuck her in next to me.  She then proceeds to steal every inch of our bed away from us.  No one else could ever get away with that.  Who knows what happened to my perfect sleeper. 

I subscribe to National Geographic Kids for my students and now that Kinley's favorite "chore" is to get the mail, she gets to scope out the goods before we do.  Today, she found the magazine, ran to the couch and proceeded to read through it--upside down.  Oh, it was adorable.  I love my little reading baby!
When I picked her up from daycare today, she was sitting at the table reading quietly by herself.  I can't help but beam with pride that she loves books as much as her mommy.  She's my future scholar.  For sure.

I don't usually want to blog about downer things or things that aren't so fun to read about but tonight, I'm just feeling so sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

When Kinley was just a couple of weeks old, I had my gall bladder removed due to severe blockage.  The stones were so large that they were blocking my liver ducts (sounds so gross).  The days following Kinley's birth, I was so-so-so sick.  My husband and I blamed anxiety.  We blamed the pregnancy.  We blamed the whole NICU situation.  I had severe back pain.  I had stomach pain.  I had just plain misery.  And it was sad because those were my first weeks as a mommy.  I sometime feel that I was robbed of those innocent firsts with my baby.  And having my husband barking at me to "just calm down" or "stop the anxiety" only made it worse because I honestly didn't feel anxiety.  But it just made sense, so I thought he was right.

I finally couldn't take it anymore and went to my OB for post-partum help.  I thought that if the pain didn't stop, I would die.  She immediately knew what was wrong and sent me straight to the hospital.  When they saw the blockage, I was admitted for emergency surgery.  My newborn baby went to a friend's home so that my husband could be by my side.  I didn't sleep that night.

After the gall bladder surgery, I felt relief.  But then started having problems of a different kind.  Those that have had gall bladder surgery know the "problems" that I speak of.  Food that used to agree, didn't agree.

Here I sit two years, post surgery, and the problems persist.  Out of a seven day week, I have maybe three good days where I'm not feeling absolutely miserable.  I feel sick.  I have to run to the bathroom several times throughout the day.  It's just not a happy situation.  I have gone to the doctor once before and she gave me a prescription stomach acid med.  It did nothing for me.  So I just quit taking it.

I guess I'm back to the point of needing to try a different doctor.

I really can't keep up this game of pretending that it will just go away.  It's not.  It won't.

So, even though I hate to post such a "poor, poor me" blog post...I do it in search of prayers.  If you are the praying kind, say a prayer that these issues resolve and that I can find a doctor that is willing to discover the real reason for my illness and help me get better.  I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

Joy, I'm so sorry about your pain. My sister had her gallbladder out a few years ago and has experienced similar pain. Have you played with your diet at all? She found that certain foods would set off her pain and tries to avoid them as much as possible. It helps her a lot, but she can always tell when she slips.

I love your reading baby, so freaking cute!!!

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