Wednesday, October 5, 2011

So....The test was.....

Why It's Okay That I'm *NOT* Pregnant:
  • I am exhausted already.  All day, every day.
  • We are broke.  And any extra money that we do have, is spent on Kinley.  No extras for another baby right now.
  • I enjoy spending every ounce of my being thinking about and loving on her.
  • I really don't want to share myself with any other children right now.  I want to give all of me to her.
  • I want to be in our home before we have more children.  This two bedroom apartment is way too small for the three of us....if we had another on the way, it would be insanely claustrophobic.
  • I want to be selfish and put my energy into building a career for myself and don't want to "deal" with being pregnant.
  • We can only afford one college fund right now.
  • I would like to start my Masters program after I graduate in December.  Being pregnant would make that even more difficult.
  • I don't really like maternity clothes.  (okay, that one is a stretch)

Why I Am *Slightly* Bummed That I Am *NOT* Pregnant:
  • I have no excuse for my belly pooch.
  • I really wanted Kinley to have a sibling closer to her age. 
  • I hate the thought of infertility--again.  And no period for this long makes me think that it's rearing it's ugly head again.
  • I wanted a reason for my feeling icky.  Guess it's acid reflux or something?
  • I miss that feeling of a baby moving in my belly.
So the test was negative.  If you didn't get that by now.  I was bummed for about five minutes and then got over it.  Guess I didn't want it as bad as I had thought.  I realized now that I'm okay with being a family of three.  And if God blesses us with the desire to work through our infertility and start treatments again, then so be it.  But until then, I am A. OK. with where we are right now!

In other news, day care is so rough on me.  Drop-off is the WORST!  She cries hysterically.  Makes me feel like crap, really.  But "supposedly" she is fabulous the rest of the day.  Or until the other kids start getting picked up, then she cries again.  But, she's eating well there.  Drinking MILK!  Which she's never done before.  And she sleeps amazingly well there.  So all signs point to her doing okay.  And have I mentioned how much I love getting art work from her every day?!  Yeah.  Awesome-ness.  I am going to be the mom that keeps every paper that she ever brings home.  Our refrigerator is heavily decorated and it's only the first week.

We picked her up together tonight.  That was a special treat for her.  And it was picture day today...and she looked adorable in her new dress and cardigan.  I tried to find a picture online of the outfit, to no avail.  And this morning was waaaaay too hectic to snap a shot.  So you'll just have to wait until I get them back.  But her teacher said that she was the only one to smile for pictures.  Guess all of that "cheese" practice last night paid off!

After we picked her up, we went and met with a new financial advisor that will be taking over her college account.  She was awesome and made us feel so un-dumb about the details of her money.  I feel much better about things now.  And I am proud of us for getting started on that when she was's our goal for her to be awarded a full scholarship to college....but just in case she doesn't, she won't graduate with the debt that I have.  That's for sure.  And if she does get that scholarship, she's going to have a fabulous nest egg to start her life on. 

And for those not on my (personal) Facebook, here is a Kinley cuteness tidbit that I shared this morning:  after we say her bedtime prayers with her, we always say, "I love you, Jesus.  Amen." and she now says, "Men."  Ahhhhhhh.  She swells my heart.

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