Friday, February 4, 2011

What's good for the goose....

Take a look at these examples, taken from
Example 1:  A) A group of girls see a male walking through a mall. They think he is attractive, and make comments about his butt, abs, or crotch and giggle loudly. ACCEPTABLE

B) A group of boys see a female walking through a mall. They think she is attractive, and make comments about her butt, abs, or breasts while laughing. LABELED AS PIGS WHO ARE ACTING INAPPROPRIATE, TREATING THE GIRL LIKE AN OBJECT

Example 2:  A) A married woman does not have a job because she feels that it is the mans place to support his family and survives on his paycheck. ACCEPTABLE

B) A married man does not have a job because he feels that it is the woman's place to support her family and survives on her paycheck. LABELED AS AN ABUSIVE HUSBAND WHO TAKES ADVANTAGE OF HIS WIFE

What's good for the goose is good for the gander?  Do we treat others the way that we want to be treated?

Last week, the bestie and I were on the phone having a conversation about nothing...I was living vicariously through her adventures in single-land...secretly, relieved that my life is now about being in bed before 10:00 on a weekend.  Her and I were dishing about a friend that she met and has hung out with a few times.  So here's the story:

She offered to give the friend a ride home at the end of the night.  They were in the city (at different bars) and it was easier to just carpool home.  No big deal.  Well, end of the night comes, she texts the friend that the bus is leaving.  Headed home. Come now or miss your ride.

No response.

So she thinks, well, maybe they hooked up or something and don't need a ride home.  Could of happened.  Whatever, so she went home.

I'll stop the story there.  Cause really, that's as far as I have to go to make my point.

I ask her...."and you're okay with the friend hooking up? Like, with someone else?"

She says, "yeah, why?"

Ummmm, okay, enter psycho Joy.  The Joy that back in the single days, would *so* not be okay with that.  Okay, so even the married Joy still would not be okay with that.  Not that I'd be in the situation, but you know what I mean.  I haven't changed that much.

Let's dissect.

You're hanging out with a new guy.  He's currently in the friend status--maybe just beyond that.  But totally not defined as "boyfriend" or "relationship."

Would you be okay with him "hooking up" with someone else?

Me?  Not a chance.

Her?  Absolutely.

But hoooooooowwwww?  I ask her.

She answers:  "Well, shouldn't it be okay for me to hook up with someone if I met a totally awesome guy?" 
I answer:  "Well, yeah, you two aren't an item.  So why not!?"


Joy lives in a double standard world.

I don't want to live in the double standard world.

I have always known that I had a tendency to view life through this bad, bad point of view.  But's worse than I thought.

My husband and I don't really have too many issues with this, cause we're both wading through the double standard way of living and I guess have just adapted.

But I'm done.  I don't want to live here anymore.  I want to explore life on the other side.  The side where things are fair.  And where things are equal.

How do you fix your way of thinking when it's so warped?  Can I read a book?  Pray?  Talk to Dr. Laura?  And if I work on myself about this, will my husband do it as well?  Cause what good is it to "get better" when he's not going to do the same?

Just imagine how much better life could be if everyone took a step back and self-analyzed their own behaviors. 

Oh, and the friend didn't hook up with anyone.  His phone was dead.  Thank goodness....cause I would have *freaked* out.  :)

So, when I asked my bestie if she minded me using our conversation as a platform for a blog, she asked that I put this disclaimer:
She's not perfect.
But I think she is.

And just to add:  I "polled" (via text) ten of my contacts and all but two admit to having double standards about at least one thing.  Which I guess is something I didn't consider.  When I think of double standards (at least in this case) I think of it as in male/females in a relationship.  I was reminded that there are *so many* situations in life where double standards are prevalent.  Kind of overwhelming.

Something that the bestie said to me:  the best way to show someone the way that you want to be to treat them in that exact way.  Show them the respect that you want to be given. 

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