New Year, No Promises

That's it!  It's all behind us.  We can officially say that the holidays are over.  Now, if only I could get these Christmas decorations down and put away.  That would be dandy.  It'll be my goal for the end of the week.

Last week we had to deal with our first bout of stomach flu as parents and it was torture.  Fortunately though, she felt better by Friday and we were able to head to the in-laws as planned that afternoon.  We bit the bullet and decided to turn her around in her car seat.  We always said that we wouldn't do it until we absolutely HAD to...but after discussing it with our pediatrician and realizing how incredibly difficult a five hour ride would be with me hopping from front to back, back to front--and in the matchbox car--was just a deciding factor.  So she is now forward facing.  I honestly don't think that she cared one way or the other.  Maybe it helped.  She still slept for the first 3 hours and then fussed/cried for the other two.  Five hours is a lot to ask of a baby/toddler in a carseat. Pass judgement about me now, I don't care.

With that being said, I am *so thankful* to say that our traveling days are going to be fewer and more far between.  Not only to save money, but to save us!  It is exhausting to constantly be away from home.  I look forward to weekends where we can sleep/watch tv/do things in our area/GO TO CHURCH!  Just letting us be a family in our home...it's a lot to look forward to.

I've been having this internal debate with myself...wondering how honest someone/I should be while blogging.  You know, do readers want to hear happy sappy stories all the time?  Or maybe, do they want to read real life stuff and read the struggles that I face on a daily basis?  Cause, in all honesty, I could write about happy/sappy stuff till the cows come home (whatever that means).  I have a beautiful daughter that makes me laugh and smile and fall in love over and over and over again.  I find goodness in each day with her.  But then there is the other part of me that I've yet to shine light on in this blog.  Finding the balance of what to say and what not to say is tough. 

For the past couple of weeks, I've contemplated building a new blog and keeping it in an alias form so that I could spill my emotions and struggles free-flowing....and hide behind the alias so that no one would know who I was.  But then as I debated that, I realized that I have no one to hide from.  I'm not feeling in a way that is wrong or that is bad.  I think that what I am going through right now is normal....or as normal as I can claim to be and get away with.

The blog was going to be named "Reasons To Stay" and that just basically sums it up.

My husband hates for me to be so honest on this blog.  He thinks that I "air our laundry" if I speak too much of the truth...but isn't that what the blog is for?  I mean, not to "air our laundry" but for me to be my own sounding board for my feelings?  This blog is my outlet.  My therapy.  I just happen to have found a group of people that find what I have to say worth something to them, whether it be entertainment or whatever. 

My blog, my thoughts, my dirty laundry.  Not his.

So with that said, I guess that this new year is going to bring about a new kind of honesty from my writing.  My first step was that I did extensive searching to find my old therapist from when I was married to "the butthead" and finally found her.  I'm talking, extensive searching.  I only could remember her first name and what office she used to work at.  That was all that I had to go off of.  After a few hours and a few phone calls... there she was.  I've never felt more relieved.  In the new year, I will be going back to see her.  Not because things are going so bad in my life, but because things are so different and I think that I just need some help sorting through things. 

I don't see therapists, or the need for one, as a bad thing.  I think it's a good thing, to be honest.  I mean, it's an hour to be completely self absorbed to talk only about yourself.....and not feel guilty for having done so.  Who can beat that?

The new year didn't "ring in" as I had planned, and I didn't even get a new year's kiss...even though my husband stood only a few feet from me.  I learned then that he thought the new year's kiss was over-rated.  I'm still not over it.  And maybe I'm being a big baby about it...but I'm entitled. 

I didn't make any resolutions....and not because I forgot I guess, but because I hate setting myself up for failure.  So instead of declaring "resolutions," I just decided that I would make changes for myself (including the shrink, being more honest on my blog, and working harder to be a better wife) without the pressure of them being "resolutions."  We'll see if that approach works.

How about you?  Any "resolutions?"