It's A New Year: New Goals, New Plans

I always say that I won't do resolutions because truly it's just setting myself up for failure.  I mean, how embarrassing is it to jump on the whole bandwagon of eating healthier, losing weight, blah, blah, blah....only to get fat again in March.  Really.  Cause that's how I roll.  That being said....I'm doing it anyway. 

I'm not just doing it because it's resolution time or anything...and technically, with it being after New Years, they are more goals than resolutions.  Right?

I didn't even stay up till midnight.  I pretended that I was on east coast time and crashed at 11:01 after Dick Clark told me good night.  Call me old, or whatever.  I'm so okay with that. 

Our very good friends were in town for the holiday and Bethany and I decided to hit the town on Friday night.  We had a blast....which in turn made it easier to stay in on Saturday.  We vegged in our jammies with our babies all day.

It was such a great visit...even if our two-year olds made us a tad crazy with the "mine!" and the "not oors!" comments that were flying out of their mouths.  They are definitely in the selfish phase and oh boy....
Luckily, there were times when they were getting along and being best friends like usual.

This picture is totally over flashed, but I love it anyway.

Kinley has been running a fever of 101+ since Friday and I am so worried about her.  I am pretty sure that it's teething related but you just never know...and so off to the pediatrician we'll go if there is no improvement in the morning.

We sat down to do our budget today.  Or what I would consider a very rough draft of our budget.  Until I receive my first paycheck on the 27th, I won't really know what to budget for...but I do have a rough guess.  But our decision of whether to stay or go is due by the end of January.  Are we extending this lease or moving somewhere else!? 

You know how badly I want out of here.  You know how much I want to buy a house and get Kinley in a permanent home.  But....I know how important it is to make smart decisions for me and my family.  And, after seeing our budget, I see how staying put for six months may greatly improve our situation.  We could walk away from renting with zero debt and a clean slate to buy (and possibly) with a good down payment.  Big picture...the answer is clear.  My impatient self....doesn't want to wait!

The bigger issue, I guess, is the fact that we live an hour from my work.  So that's two hours a day that I'm in the car when I could be with my daughter or being productive with lesson planning.  Also, I spend about $240 a week on gas.  And, I just realized today that I spend $60 a month paying tolls driving to and from work.  Those little tolls really add up.  I mean, really!?  $60 a MONTH?!

Those are the reasons that I feel that we should be looking elsewhere.  So with advice from some of our family and friends, we thought about looking for a house rental more central to both his work and mine.  So, I guess that is an option...but is it truly worth the hassle of moving?

With all of that said, I guess you can figure that one of my biggest "resolutions" or goals for 2012 is to get our finances straightened out in order to buy our dream home-our long term home-by 2013.  We also still own a home where we used to live...and currently rent it out. We really need to just sell it and not have to mess with it anymore. And that could take months.... 

And, of course it's a goal to lose weight, eat healthier and feel better about myself.  Student teaching was not kind in that department and I put on a good 8 pounds through the semester.  While I won't go crazy and join the gym again, I will be more aware of what I put into my mouth.  Get your minds out of the gutter!

Let's just throw in a happier relationship, becoming a better more patient mommy, cooking at home for my family, better at keeping life organized, being excellent at my job and just being a happier person. 

No short order.  But I think I can handle it.

New Year, No Promises

That's it!  It's all behind us.  We can officially say that the holidays are over.  Now, if only I could get these Christmas decorations down and put away.  That would be dandy.  It'll be my goal for the end of the week.

Last week we had to deal with our first bout of stomach flu as parents and it was torture.  Fortunately though, she felt better by Friday and we were able to head to the in-laws as planned that afternoon.  We bit the bullet and decided to turn her around in her car seat.  We always said that we wouldn't do it until we absolutely HAD to...but after discussing it with our pediatrician and realizing how incredibly difficult a five hour ride would be with me hopping from front to back, back to front--and in the matchbox car--was just a deciding factor.  So she is now forward facing.  I honestly don't think that she cared one way or the other.  Maybe it helped.  She still slept for the first 3 hours and then fussed/cried for the other two.  Five hours is a lot to ask of a baby/toddler in a carseat. Pass judgement about me now, I don't care.

With that being said, I am *so thankful* to say that our traveling days are going to be fewer and more far between.  Not only to save money, but to save us!  It is exhausting to constantly be away from home.  I look forward to weekends where we can sleep/watch tv/do things in our area/GO TO CHURCH!  Just letting us be a family in our home...it's a lot to look forward to.

I've been having this internal debate with myself...wondering how honest someone/I should be while blogging.  You know, do readers want to hear happy sappy stories all the time?  Or maybe, do they want to read real life stuff and read the struggles that I face on a daily basis?  Cause, in all honesty, I could write about happy/sappy stuff till the cows come home (whatever that means).  I have a beautiful daughter that makes me laugh and smile and fall in love over and over and over again.  I find goodness in each day with her.  But then there is the other part of me that I've yet to shine light on in this blog.  Finding the balance of what to say and what not to say is tough. 

For the past couple of weeks, I've contemplated building a new blog and keeping it in an alias form so that I could spill my emotions and struggles free-flowing....and hide behind the alias so that no one would know who I was.  But then as I debated that, I realized that I have no one to hide from.  I'm not feeling in a way that is wrong or that is bad.  I think that what I am going through right now is normal....or as normal as I can claim to be and get away with.

The blog was going to be named "Reasons To Stay" and that just basically sums it up.

My husband hates for me to be so honest on this blog.  He thinks that I "air our laundry" if I speak too much of the truth...but isn't that what the blog is for?  I mean, not to "air our laundry" but for me to be my own sounding board for my feelings?  This blog is my outlet.  My therapy.  I just happen to have found a group of people that find what I have to say worth something to them, whether it be entertainment or whatever. 

My blog, my thoughts, my dirty laundry.  Not his.

So with that said, I guess that this new year is going to bring about a new kind of honesty from my writing.  My first step was that I did extensive searching to find my old therapist from when I was married to "the butthead" and finally found her.  I'm talking, extensive searching.  I only could remember her first name and what office she used to work at.  That was all that I had to go off of.  After a few hours and a few phone calls... there she was.  I've never felt more relieved.  In the new year, I will be going back to see her.  Not because things are going so bad in my life, but because things are so different and I think that I just need some help sorting through things. 

I don't see therapists, or the need for one, as a bad thing.  I think it's a good thing, to be honest.  I mean, it's an hour to be completely self absorbed to talk only about yourself.....and not feel guilty for having done so.  Who can beat that?

The new year didn't "ring in" as I had planned, and I didn't even get a new year's kiss...even though my husband stood only a few feet from me.  I learned then that he thought the new year's kiss was over-rated.  I'm still not over it.  And maybe I'm being a big baby about it...but I'm entitled. 

I didn't make any resolutions....and not because I forgot I guess, but because I hate setting myself up for failure.  So instead of declaring "resolutions," I just decided that I would make changes for myself (including the shrink, being more honest on my blog, and working harder to be a better wife) without the pressure of them being "resolutions."  We'll see if that approach works.

How about you?  Any "resolutions?"