I Will Always Remember

I really debated whether or not I would write a blog today.  This day, to me, is a day for reflection and a day for prayer and a day for family.  And that is exactly how I spent today.  Before getting up to face the day, my husband and I spent time together in bed just talking about this day, ten years ago.  We talked about where we were and how we felt and what it meant to each other.  It's not a new conversation but one that we'll probably have every year on this day.

It was my first day in a new position as center director for a child care center.  I was in training and remember there being some upset and rumor going around that something had happened, but we didn't have TV or radio to see what was going on.  It was several hours later that I realized what actually happened.  Parents were flocking to the center to get their children.  Many worked in the city (Chicago) and feared that it could be the next target. 

I admit that I didn't actually grasp what had happened until I got home that night and sat on my couch to watch it replayed over and over and over.

I cried and felt so deeply saddened.  Not just for the victims, but for their families.

And every year on 9/11, I think of the families.

With the ten year anniversary today, the TV has been filled with conspiracy theories that Bush knew it was going to happen and that the Pentagon was an "inside job" and blah, blah, blah.  I admit that I half-way watched a documentary about the doubts surrounding what really happened.

And after watching that, I felt anger!  I was angry with the idea of doubt and I was angry that everything that I felt I knew, could be mistaken and untrue.  I was angry with the thought that this could have been plotted and planned by someone from our home land.

It was then that I realized that I am okay with what I believe.  I'm okay with where I am with this....  and regardless of what documentary that I watch or see, it doesn't change the fact that so many families lost loved ones.  So many children are now without their hero daddies and mommies.  So many heroes lost their lives trying to save someone else.  That was what is honored and remembered. 

9/11 is a day that will never be forgotten.  Those that lost their lives that day will never be forgotten.

Welcome!

Don't I feel like a slacker!  Thanks to a lovely comment friend, I see that I am featured *insert my Roger Rabbit style happy dance* over at For The Love of Blogs.  Talk about exciting!  Yea, yea....so I'm a bit vain.  Whatever.  Who doesn't like some attention every now and then?!

So if you are joining me from FTLOB, welcome!  Feel free to make yourself at home and click on the follow link over there---->  or down below.... either way, I would love to have you as a follower friend.

Enough begging for blog love, right?

I have fallen in love with a new day care.  It is soooooo gorgeous.  And their curriculum is one that even makes picky ole' me swoon.  Having worked in a child care setting for numerous years, and even worked as a center director for a large corporate child care company, I know quality child care curriculum.  I've read their website, talked to them on the phone twice, and this morning we went over and stared in the windows of all of the rooms.  Yes, we looked like burglars.  Well, aside from the fact that burglars don't wear gray yoga pants and bright yellow t-shirts.  And no, my husband wasn't in gray yoga pants or a yellow shirt.  But he wasn't in burglar attire either. 
Why can't they just be open today?!

We are going to tour it this week and hopefully sign on the dotted line and get her enrolled.

The only bad part?  It's $276 a WEEK.  A WEEK!  *gulp*

Catch my breath.

She's worth it.  Their program is worth it. 

And....mom offered to pick up the $76 more than we currently pay at our over-priced sitter.  So really, we aren't out any more money.  Of course we hope to not need mom's help, but glad that it's there if we do need it.  But most of all, I am so thrilled that she's going to be in a top-notch program. 

Can you tell I'm excited?

Aside from all of the other reasons that I talked about the other day, I forgot to mention the worst part...she's picked up on some not-so-nice language.  She tells us to "go away" and she yells "stop" and she screams "no" and once told my husband to "shut up."    Those are all big no-no's in our home.  And they are recent as of two weeks ago.  I can only assume that she's picked them up from one of the other children in her care. 
I'm not naive and thinking that she won't hear them at this new place, I get it that kids say those things...but I'm hoping for better supervision where talk like that isn't tolerated. 

Counting her money from her piggy bank!  Time to make a deposit!

Fertile Mertile?

Yesterday was the curriculum night at school and the PTA ice cream social.  It was fun to meet all of the parents and families but it was a long, loooong day.  I was at the school for about 13 hours yesterday.  Eeks.
I came home and wanted to just melt into bed.  I put K to bed and spent a few minutes on the couch to have a glass of wine with my husband.  I just needed to chill....relax.....come down.

We finally got to bed around 11 and just as I was just drifting off to sleep, I hear, "aren't you fertile today?"

Ummmm, what?

"I think you're fertile this week.  That's what the app says."

True, I do track my cycle on an iPhone app.  And I guess I casually said a few weeks ago that I would be fertile this week. 

Shockingly, my cycle is running at the textbook 28 days since the Mirena removal.  The first time, ever, in my life that I've had a normal cycle.  We're both thrilled to death with the predictability of it.  And now with this app...there is no guess work to it at all. 

So, he remembered that I was fertile this week.  And I double checked my phone.  Sure enough...he was right.

I asked him if he was truly ready for another baby and he thinks he is.....

But I still claim that you're never completely ready.  How can you be?

Cupcake Friday!  She choose a white cupcake with white and pink icing.

In other news, Zales has officially replaced my diamond.  The switching was never admitted but they were quick to get new diamonds in for us to inspect and choose from.... 

We went tonight to look them over and chose a new stone.  I should get my ring back, with the new stone, next week.  I am so thankful to have that behind me.  I'm tired of the back and forth with them.  And!?  I got a new watch battery for free.  Go me.

Dreaming of her first big rock!

Illinois Dreamin'

Last weekend was such a beautiful weekend.  I'm sure that I mentioned it earlier...  it was one of those feel good weekends.  The family was together, we were happy, everything was great.  We need weekends like that.  On Sunday, we stopped by my old place of work to visit with my former supervisor, Betty.  We tell Kinley that she is Grandma Betty.  She's my mom's age and I have always loved her like a family member.  I don't really see her all that often anymore and try to get down to see her whenever possible.

We just so happened to be driving through town after dropping my parents off at the train and decided to pop in and see her.

I used to work for a home builder, that did semi-custom home construction. They have a model floor plan that I have always been in love with and said that someday, it would be mine. 

Well, in the time since I have left, they have revamped their floor plans and now have one that is just like my "dream" home but slightly on a smaller scale:  hence, smaller price range.  Okay, so still not too small--but smaller.  Very possible come graduation and landing a teaching job.

So we toured the home and let our dreams run wild.  W-I-L-D.

I am in love with this house.

Granted, it's a model.  So it's decorated professionally and looks amazing.....but never mind that.  I love the floor plan.  It is just like the one I've drooled over the past few years but about 800 sq ft smaller.   So, rather than 4000 sq ft, it's just about 3000.  I can handle that.

While it's still in the dreamin' phase, every day that I get through brings us one day closer to calling this dream a reality.  All of our hard work and living poor now will pay off big.  Right?

Take a look...

Inside foyer--bad iPhone picture

Main level--kitchen, family room, sun room area

The upstairs family room--love this.  You can actually "live" in this family
room and keep the downstairs rooms formal!

The upstairs hallway.  The family room on the left.

Part of the master.  Huge room!

In the master bath--Kage thought the faucet was a lotion dispenser.

Hello Master Bath!

She called dibs on this room!

So while it's still some time away, it makes this whole student teaching thing much more tolerable.  Just knowing that the light at the end of the tunnel will be so bright and beautiful!

How much do you trust?

I know that nothing will ever be good enough.  No one will ever be me.  No one can even come close.  But how much do you trust your mother's instinct?

Kage is in her second-ever home day care.  The first one that we used was eh--so, so.  The second (our current), I thought I loved.  She painted the perfect picture of exactly what we wanted for Kin.  Home cooked meals, preschool curriculum, lots of parent communication, social skills with a small group setting with another little girl her age...and her hours were ideal.  We were sold!

Three weeks into her full time schedule and things aren't as they once seemed to be.  The "home-cooked meals" have become hot dogs several days a week.  The preschool curriculum seems non-existent.  The parent communication has dwindled down to a handful of texts a day saying:  "K awake" or "K sleeping."  I am rarely made aware of what she's eating and never told about her diaper changes or what she did all day.  The small group setting has quickly grown to seven (7!) children in her care.  Two of those are 4 months old.  And her availability till 6 p.m. has turned into me getting text messages at 3:30 asking when I'll be there to get her.  Hmmmm.

My mother's instinct jumped into hyperdrive last week.  When I started getting texts telling me that Kage was falling asleep on the couch twenty minutes after we dropped her off.  And she's been doing it daily.  Our child NEVER falls asleep on the couch.  Like, ever.  Now, I understand that children do different things at day care than they do at home--I get that.  But why is she just passing out on the couch?  Is she bored?  Is she left unsupervised?  What is going on?

We pay a pretty hefty price for day care, or hefty to us....$200 a week.  I expect a lot for that amount of money.  I expect a lot for my little girl.  She deserves the very, very best.  Sadly, I'm not sure I feel confident that she's receiving that.

My husband thinks I'm overly picky--like, expecting the world and never going to find it in any childcare situation.  And I am.  But she's my baby!  She deserves better!  I have been told that she's advanced, or smart, and I want her to blossom.  I want to nurture her mind! Now is the time for children to feed their minds and learn and explore!  Not pass out on the couch in front of a TV.

So I'm torn.  Do I just suck it up and be content that she's just at an overpriced babysitter?  Or do I get angry and pull her out and search for something better?

I did go and tour a corporate day care center today.  While I love that they have formal parent communication and monthly menus....I just felt that it was a puppy mill for babies.  It wasn't very clean feeling and I just felt dirty when I left.  Aaaand, it was $276 a week.  Ouch.

What would you do?  Would you trust your mommy instinct and believe that she's not in the right place?  Should I just chill out?

Enjoying a cookie treat after day care

Riding the horsey at the grocery

Shopping for a new toy....she wanted two!  We told her to only
choose one, so she decided on the Lucy look-alike.  Way cute!

Bad Grammar, Shoes and Hair Cuts.... this one has it all!

I consider myself a grammar Nazi.  I can't stand typos, grammatical errors or general stupidity.  Spell check is an amazing thing.  Ah-mazing.  Why don't more people use it?  And even better, proof read.  Really.  It will save me from twitching.

But the last place that I ever expect to find typos or stupid errors is in one of Kinley's books.  This morning, her and I were reading Peter Rabbit and we got to this page:

Five bonus points if you can find the grammatical error on this page.  I was so bothered by it that I decided to stop reading and pull this one from her shelf.  Okay, so not really.  Actually what happened was her gnat like attention span expired and she bailed on story time. 

Hope everyone is having a great Labor Day!  I am a hunting widow today and Kin is a hunting orphan.  R is out dove hunting....or something like that.  I don't know.  He left in camo with a gun.  So he's hunting something.

We had such a great weekend.  My mom and step-dad were in town for a couple of days and spoiled us all rotten, as they usually do.  We ate out way too much and Kinley got to go shopping.  She got a ton of fall clothes and her fall/winter sleeper collection.  She loves her fleecy sleepers.  Her favorite though was going to the shoe store.  She got to choose her own gym shoes for this fall.  They measured her between a 5 and 5 1/2 so we bought the size 6.  Her last gym shoes from there were a 4 and we got those in February.  So I was floored and almost cried a little when we had to buy a 6.  She is getting so big!

And then before Nonie and Papa left on Sunday afternoon, we stopped for her second hair cut...or bang trim.  Her hair is getting so long now....but I won't cut anything but the bangs.  Even that pains me but I feel bad when it's in her eyes.  She's just now starting to let me put bows in her hair without ripping them out.

It is going to be so hard to go back to "real life" tomorrow.  Ugh.  I start teaching spelling this week.  And my first observation is on Thursday.  No pressure!

Saturday Morning Scene

This morning, I am taking an hour to myself.  Locked in my room.  To work on homework.  But the best part, is the Dunkin Donuts pumpkin latte on my nightstand next to me.

Happy Saturday, readers!