Our Friday

Last night my friend and I scheduled a girls night out.  She has a two and a half year old as well, so nights out alone are so rare, for both of us.  We wanted to indulge and see what the hype was about with the new movie Magic Mike.  So we planned for dinner at my favorite Mexican place (and margaritas, of course, since they are half price on Tuesday and Thursdays--I know, WHAT a deal!) and then head over to the theater.

Dinner was amazing, as always, and the drinks were amazing, as always.  We had excellent conversation that didn't revolve around our daughters and it was just nice to have that break.  So we were late about fifteen minutes for the movie--but I'm not sure that it would have made any difference.  I'm pretty sure that there was no plot--or story--whatsoever.  I mean, who goes to Magic Mike for a story, right?!  So I can't say that I was disappointed.  I hated Matthew McConaughey's character.  But he sure looks good!  Just wish I could have muted his mouth.  Mr. Tatum, ummm, wow.  I saw him in The Vow and didn't see the hype.  I see it now!  I sure do see it now!

I realize that nights like these are what girls night out are all about.  Have dinner and seeing a movie--one that my husband doesn't particularly care to see.  And being home at a decent hour, and sober.  A year ago, I would have thought that coming in at 3 a.m. after a night of drinking was the ideal girls night out.  Not so much, anymore.  I feel so much more "grown up" these days.

This morning we hit a yard sale--the only one we could find, thanks to the heat--and scored big time on the 2T clothes for fall.  She's wearing 12 month bottoms and 18/24 month shirts now, so I'm guessing that 2T will be about right for fall.  This yard sale was very nice.  Everything was ironed, nicely folded, labeled with sizes....my kind of sale.  So I spent about $15 and got 5-6 shirts and one pair of jeans.  She chose about 5 books too...and think we got a pretty good deal!

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We then hit a local dance shop to get her a new ballet leotard.  Unfortunately, there were only like 2 that fit her, so we got the pink one (of course) and I'm now kicking myself for not getting the other one too.  I knew that spending $80 on dance wear would blow the clothing budget and then some.  Had to have self control!  I need to check ebay for stuff like this.

So, that's our Friday in a nutshell.  How did you spend yours?

Who's the Judge?

Lucy is seriously barking in her sleep right now.  She's passed out in our bed behind me, and whatever dream she is having sure has her worked up!

We didn't get home from the fireworks until about 11:30.  We went over to a friend's house to watch them from her neighborhood.  It was a welcome change from the crazy crowds and traffic that we dealt with last year.  Kinley wasn't afraid, as I thought she may be, but she wasn't overly enthusiastic either.  She watched them for about five minutes and then was over it.  I guess I'm the same way.  Attention span of a gnat.

So getting home so late made me expect her to sleep in a little today, right?  Ha!  She was up at 6:15 crying for daddy.  He had already left for work so I said a prayer that I could pull out all the tricks in my bag and get her back to sleep to save my sanity and her uber crabbiness for the day.  Knock on wood, she's back to sleep.  Only took me singing and patting her butt, too.  I have heard her talking in her sleep a little, so I'm not expecting it to last much longer.  Lord help me if we have to go on only 5 hours of sleep for her today.  She will be cranky!

As it is everywhere it seems, or so my Facebook feed seems, we are expecting another 100+ degree day.  I really hate that Richie has to work in these conditions.  He sure is a good man!  Busts his butt every single day to provide for us.  On these really hot days, Kage and I deliver cold Gatorade to him and his crew.  It's the very least that we can do to show our appreciation for them.

At Kinley's dance class on Tuesday, I learned of yet another pregnant mom.  This blow didn't hurt as bad as the first.  I guess the first one was the worst and lessened it for all future sucker punches in this process.  I'm trying so hard to focus on the blessing that we already have sleeping in the room next to us.  There are no promises that these medications are going to work.  I have to remind myself that one child is just as wonderful as two!  I have been taking my meds at night at so far, that is working perfectly to ward off the unwanted side effects.  Only one more night on this pill and then we have to wait for my day 3 blood draw.

Speaking of focusing on our blessings abundance, why do I feel the need to be ashamed of our living situation?  On Tuesday, a dance mom (whom I've "known" for two semesters) asked me where we lived.  Very casually, in conversation.  I mentioned that we lived in the same city as the dance class.  She was asking if we are east or west side and honestly, I've never even wondered that myself.  Luckily, my friend (another dance mom) was there and I was able to confirm that we are west side.  I wasn't sure where the "cut-off" was....and I'm still not sure what is the "preferred" side of town--it all seems great to me!

It was almost immediate that my guard flew up and I wanted to shut down.  Inside, I was screaming, "Don't ask me where we live!  Please don't make me explain!"  How sad is that?!  Why should I be ashamed?  Am I ashamed?  Honestly, we aren't living in the dumps.  We could be much worse off, much worse.  But I was not about to tell her, "oh, you know those apartments, yeah, that's us" and I don't know what is wrong with saying that.  I mean, they are pretty nice apartments!  And the rent is probably as much as most mortgages--not that that should matter, at all.  So it's not something to really be ashamed of.  But I am.  I am, because the "dance moms" all seem to be so much better off than we are....and I know that no one can make you feel inferior or less than without your permission.  But you know me, I give that permission all day long.

She is not snobby at all, and even openly tells us that they aren't well-to-do by any means (while telling us a story about her sibling--she didn't just put that out there--that would be weird).  So why am I so afraid to be real?  Most of the moms, or a lot of them, are school teachers.  But employed teachers--a lot like me but different, right?!

Why can't I just be okay with us and our situation?  Why do I feel that I have to hide our truths?  I know that I am okay with where we are---aren't I?  I love that we pay a rent that we can afford.  We don't have to worry about lawn care or maintenance.  Our utilities are dirt cheap (we're talking less than $100 for everything).  We live in a town with amazing options for things to do, amazing parks, a wonderful downtown, and we don't pay the crazy taxes that the home owners do.  We are saving money at a rate that we never could in a home.  I don't know what my job future holds for me.  I don't want to buy a house and have to take a job with an hour commute.  I want to get the job, then buy the house.  And, I want to save for a decent down payment too.  But that's another issue.

I guess I danced around the whole "where do you live?" question because I felt that it was easier to avoid it than to list all of the reasons that I just shared.  I didn't want to be judged.  It's really too bad too, because I'm sure I got all "deer in the headlights" on her when she was questioning.  She even went so far to ask if it was near certain streets that she takes for short cuts through town (she doesn't live in this town and agrees that it's too snobby for her taste).  I probably looked like the freak that is afraid to talk about where I live.  I want to be friends with this mom, and have play dates with her daughter, but how can I do that if I'm not able to open up?  Maybe if I do it once, it won't be so hard the next time?  Maybe I need to admit to myself that what we're doing is okay.  It's smart.  It's good for us and I need to be okay with doing what is good for us.

A Good Deal

I am a huge fan of good deals, and love to pass on the word when I come across one.  If you aren't a fan of Dave Ramsey's FaceBook page, then you may miss his sale today.

He has everything in his store at least 50% off.

This is the program that we have and use, and at $99, it's a steal!  Especially since you get the DVDs with it. Excellent deal!

And then the envelope system is super cheap today too ($8.98).  But keep in mind, if you buy the Financial Peace University mentioned above, it comes with the envelope wallet.

For those who want to get all fancy, he offers a deluxe envelope system (just looks nicer and can be used as your wallet) is at $9.98, that's only $1 more than the basic.


I am in no way compensated for anything that you may choose to buy.  This is just me passing along word of a good sale for items that I personally use and love.

Scattered Thoughts

Let's do this with bullets, shall we?

• I would like to push my upstairs neighbors down the stairs.  They always choose Kinley's sleeping times to stomp down the stairs and slam the entry door at least 500 times.  And more often than not, it wakes her and mommy demon comes out.  I so badly want to put a "Child's Sleeping" sign in the entryway.  But I'm too chicken.  And they wouldn't care anyway.
• The past few nights, I am having vivid pregnancy dreams.  I love it and hate it at the same time.  I am filled with bliss in the dream and ticked off when I wake up.
• I got smart and took my meds {fertility} at bedtime.  Wanted to avoid the headache and tummy ache. It worked.
• I had a scary solicitor come to my door last week.  I should know better than to just answer my door without knowing who it is.  He overstayed his welcome {in the entryway, I didn't let him in.  I'm not that dumb.} and fully creeped me out.  Luckily, my hubby came home just minutes after he left and was able to hunt him down in our complex.  He threatened the boy's life.  It's not like we don't have "No Soliciting" on the entry door to all apartments.  Geez.  So now I also put this up on our private door.
    
• I got over my monstrous melt down about the student loan double payment yesterday, and calmly called them back and asked them to just apply that money to my next month's payment.  I admit, I felt foolish for the scene I had caused earlier.  And wouldn't you know it that I got the same guy on the phone.  Ugh.  So embarrassing.  
• We dropped out of Church ABC.  And if you know what that means, kudos!   You've been around for a while and I so super appreciate that.  If not, it was our {then} new church.  It was great while it was great, and then we stopped finding what it was we were looking for.  So I found another one to try and I'm hoping we will go this Sunday.
• I am totally bummed that the 4th is on a Wednesday.  And because of the storms, my husband is working it. :(
• Okay, I'm going to say it.  I don't get the whole Thirty-One thing.  I have shopped the catalog several times, never went to a party, but mom got Kage and I bags--her the drawstring one for dance and me the large utility.  I'm not seeing the hype.  There, I said it.

I found this picture in my husband's phone and
had to send it to myself.  It was taken in the Spring when
we were visiting the city.  She fell asleep in my arms.
Love this girl.

1 of 75,000+

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75,000.  That is no small number.  And that is probably lower than the actual number.  That figure was accurate back in January of 2012.  We've had another graduating class since then.  So, I am among a large crowd.

Unemployed teachers in Illinois.  Yes, 75,000 unemployed teachers in Illinois.  You're looking at one of them.

I always wanted to be a teacher, always.  No other career ever seemed appropriate, or fitting.  I want to teach.  I want to be a teacher.

I will admit that I was one of the fortunate graduates to fall into a job upon completion of the program.  Getting the extended maternity leave was a complete blessing.  Not only did it give me a steady paycheck for six months, but it padded my resume with a little bit of real world experience that several of my competing candidates may not have.  But since that contract ended four weeks ago, I have felt despondent.

On my personal Facebook page, I changed my job from third grade teacher to "professional teaching application fill'er out'er" because I feel like that is all that I do.  I have applied at over 25 districts.  I am not exaggerating.  Being in the Chicago area affords me several districts to "shop" for jobs.  I shop them all.  I guess the only one that I have yet to apply to is the city of Chicago.  I just can't see myself working in the city.  And maybe that will be something that I explore in the next week or so if nothing else pans out.

Most often, I hear nothing back.  Absolutely nothing.  I spend 30 minutes to an hour on each application, if not longer, and hear nothing back.  Occasionally, maybe twice, I have received emails back from principals saying that the position was filled internally.  Legally, they have to post the position, even if they have someone in mind for the job.  That stinks, in my opinion.

I have submitted applications and emailed principals to introduce myself and still nothing.  I just don't know what else to do.

I can't help but let it ding my confidence in myself and my teaching talent.  I know that interviewing is my weakest area and lately I find myself feeling like even if do get a call, I'll bomb the interview, so why bother?!  It's a horrible feeling to have.  Knowing that my whole life, this is what I have wanted to do.  Fifty thousand dollars owed to the University and I can't doubt my ability to do well.  Do I not look good enough on paper?  Do you really need to know the right people?  I guess I don't know him/her.

I have decided that if I don't find work, I will probably be starting my Masters program.  Learning is the one thing that really excites me, so why not get a head start on another degree?  The real question is, what do I want to study?  Special Education?  Reading?

Hopefully, in the next month or two, I'll get that anticipated phone call and I'll be able to boost my interviewing confidence and blow them away with my passion and love for learning and teaching.

Otherwise, I just don't know what to do.  When you've only wanted to be a teacher, it's hard to think of something else to work towards.

I see people in different professions just soaring with success.  Why couldn't I have chosen that path?

I'm bummin.

Our Get-Away

I am barely breathing in hopes to keep the apartment quiet enough for her to sleep one more hour.  Just one more.  Long enough for me to clear my head and drink one cup of coffee.  Is that too much to ask?  It wasn't that rough of a night, but she did wake once, at 2 a.m.  I got her back to sleep pretty easily.

Totally didn't work, she woke up and now this post is being finished at nap time.

It's a Monday, and a Monday following a traveling weekend.  Those are the worst kind!  We got home yesterday evening at about 5:00 to find that a bad storm came through and knocked out the power.  It wasn't until about 8:00 that it came back on.  Not a good thing to come home to... we were waiting to see if we would have to hotel it one more night, or brave the heat with no air.  If it were just us, we wouldn't mind. But not with KG.

We had a wonderful time on our mini-getaway.  I didn't have as hard of a time leaving KG as I thought I would, but I guess that was because she wasn't sad to see us go--at all.    Cakokia Mounds was all that I remembered it to be, although smaller.  But having been 11ish the last time that I was there, it's no wonder that my memory portrayed everything to be bigger.  Richie really enjoyed it too, which is what I wanted more than anything.  I didn't want him to be disappointment in my location choice.  Despite the 102 degree temperature, we climbed Monks Mound.  Boy am I ever out of shape!  It was only the equivalent of ten stories, but it was a steep climb!

We stayed on site for a few hours before heading over to the hotel to check-in.  The hotel was beautiful and I was very happy with my choice.  Despite some confusion at check-in, it was a great experience.

We went to the hotel bar to have a cocktail and do some people watching--you know how fun that can be!  Our dinner was amazing.  Four stars!  The steaks were so perfect too.  Zero complaints about the restaurant choice.  And it was fun to be on a "date" with my husband.   After dinner, we went to Wal-Mart (I know, the romantics that we are) to get Kage a few presents.  Anytime we have a date night or leave her for any amount of time, we bring her a little something back.  We've just always done that.  So we got her more paint for her art easel and a pool noodle.  Talk about some interesting people watching in there!

The next day, we couldn't stop talking about our Kinley and all of her little antics.  We both were missing her pretty bad.  So it wasn't a big deal to get up and head back to get her.  When we got back to my mom's, she wanted nothing to do with us!  On one hand, we were thrilled that she enjoyed her time but on the other, we wanted her to miss us too!  She cried for Nonie and Papa for the first hour of our ride home.

We sure don't do date getaways often enough.  Mainly due to the cost of it, but really, we set a budget and stuck to it!  It was a trip that we'll both remember and cherish for years to come!

Psycho Wife Makes a Return

I started my fertility meds routine-yesterday-and I am already about to cry mercy.  A few hours after I took my first pill, I felt a bad headache and nausea.  I honestly didn't put two and two together until after the fact.  We were in the car driving home, so I took a cat nap to feel better.  It worked, for the most part.  My husband commented that maybe my salad at lunch didn't agree with me and I figured he was right.  Then I looked down and saw my prescription bottle in the cubby hole of the car door and thought---ooooh yeah.  I took one of those bad boys today.

I remember-vaguely-the mood swings and not so fun side effects but it's hard to really remember until you are right back in it again and experiencing them again.

Last night my husband told me to go and lay down and finish reading my book 3 (Fifty Shades) and he would put Kage down for bed.  I know!  Talk about my hero!  He knew that I was having a rough time and just wanted to disappear into my book.

He passed out in KG's room (as always) and didn't come to bed until after 11.  I had just finished reading book 3 and was sprawled out across our bed sideways.  I was whining to him about how lucky he is that all that he has to do is have sex.  He doesn't have to take meds, he doesn't have side effects to deal with....he just has to have sex.  It's not fair!  {I'm not kidding, I was throwing that tantrum at 11:00 last night.}

This morning comes and here I sit typing up my blog and brewing my one cup of coffee when KG wakes up.  An hour earlier than expected.  That totally throws my day into a tail-spin.  I was crabby, she was crabby.  It was not a pretty picture.

And then, stupid me, logs in to our online banking to touch base with my psychotic budgeting self.  Come to find out, my student loan payment hit twice!  Yes, that is over $300 extra out of our account that I had not budgeted for.  I calmed myself down and quickly dialed the number to the student loan people.  They would not work with me! Claimed that it takes 4-6 weeks for a refund and that they were "sorry."

Now, luckily, we have our super duper savings account and spreadsheet going and we had over 3K in our debt pay-off column.  I was able to transfer money to cover the goof, but that money is reserved for debt pay-off!  Not student loan payment goofs!  I was livid.

I screamed at the man on the phone, demanded his supervisor, screamed at him, and hung up on him.  The whole time that this was going on, KG was throwing a screaming fit because she wanted to leave the sliding doors to the patio wide open {mind you it's already in the 90s and the AC is running} while she's playing outside.  Her and I are going back and forth with opening and closing the glass door.

After hanging up on the supervisor, I put KG into her room and shut the door.  She needed to have her melt down and I needed mine.

I dialed my husband's number and would you believe that he didn't answer!?  How dare he!  :)  I dialed him right back and the flood gates broke.  I was sobbing, hysterically, into the phone and begging him to come home and help me deal.  With life.  With our screaming child.  With the student loan people that double processed a payment.  With me.

I guess he doesn't just have to have sex in this whole process.  He has to deal with a psychotic wife.  Maybe I do have the better end of the deal?!

And to think that this part of the medication process isn't even the worst of it!