Jumping Up and Down and Screaming A Little

I just got called for an interview!  I am so excited, I could scream!  It's for a 5th grade position...and while I don't have experience in that grade level, I am so ready for the challenge!  Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers!  It's next Tuesday morning....let the preparation begin!

1 of 75,000+

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75,000.  That is no small number.  And that is probably lower than the actual number.  That figure was accurate back in January of 2012.  We've had another graduating class since then.  So, I am among a large crowd.

Unemployed teachers in Illinois.  Yes, 75,000 unemployed teachers in Illinois.  You're looking at one of them.

I always wanted to be a teacher, always.  No other career ever seemed appropriate, or fitting.  I want to teach.  I want to be a teacher.

I will admit that I was one of the fortunate graduates to fall into a job upon completion of the program.  Getting the extended maternity leave was a complete blessing.  Not only did it give me a steady paycheck for six months, but it padded my resume with a little bit of real world experience that several of my competing candidates may not have.  But since that contract ended four weeks ago, I have felt despondent.

On my personal Facebook page, I changed my job from third grade teacher to "professional teaching application fill'er out'er" because I feel like that is all that I do.  I have applied at over 25 districts.  I am not exaggerating.  Being in the Chicago area affords me several districts to "shop" for jobs.  I shop them all.  I guess the only one that I have yet to apply to is the city of Chicago.  I just can't see myself working in the city.  And maybe that will be something that I explore in the next week or so if nothing else pans out.

Most often, I hear nothing back.  Absolutely nothing.  I spend 30 minutes to an hour on each application, if not longer, and hear nothing back.  Occasionally, maybe twice, I have received emails back from principals saying that the position was filled internally.  Legally, they have to post the position, even if they have someone in mind for the job.  That stinks, in my opinion.

I have submitted applications and emailed principals to introduce myself and still nothing.  I just don't know what else to do.

I can't help but let it ding my confidence in myself and my teaching talent.  I know that interviewing is my weakest area and lately I find myself feeling like even if do get a call, I'll bomb the interview, so why bother?!  It's a horrible feeling to have.  Knowing that my whole life, this is what I have wanted to do.  Fifty thousand dollars owed to the University and I can't doubt my ability to do well.  Do I not look good enough on paper?  Do you really need to know the right people?  I guess I don't know him/her.

I have decided that if I don't find work, I will probably be starting my Masters program.  Learning is the one thing that really excites me, so why not get a head start on another degree?  The real question is, what do I want to study?  Special Education?  Reading?

Hopefully, in the next month or two, I'll get that anticipated phone call and I'll be able to boost my interviewing confidence and blow them away with my passion and love for learning and teaching.

Otherwise, I just don't know what to do.  When you've only wanted to be a teacher, it's hard to think of something else to work towards.

I see people in different professions just soaring with success.  Why couldn't I have chosen that path?

I'm bummin.

Don't let the blog bite you!

A glimpse at our weekend.

I am feeling so torn with this whole blog thing.  Now that I am teaching, I feel that it may be too risky to continue sharing.  And if I were to continue sharing, I almost feel that I couldn't be as real as I like to be on my blog.  I already have co-workers asking me to be friends on Facebook and allowing them in on my Facebook would eventually lead them here.  And while I am not the least big ashamed or embarrassed of anything I have ever blogged about....I just don't know if I want them that close. 
I have read of too many teachers losing their jobs and ruining their reputation because of blogging--or what was said on the blog.
It's always been my policy to not blog about my students or work--at all.  And I think that I've held up to that.

But let's face it, Google "teacher fired for blog" or "teacher fired for facebook" and the results are numerous.  It's just scary. 

I would sure hate to have my beloved blog be the one to bite me in the end.  And when you work as hard and as long as I did to get this job....you surely don't want to risk losing it.

So what is a girl to do?

What this doesn't show you...

My certificate came in the mail today.

I am certified in the state of Illinois to teach students K-9 in a self contained general education classroom.

I am endorsed to teach Middle School Language Arts.

I am endorsed to teach Middle School Social Sciences.

What the certificate will not say:

That this teacher walked onto that campus in 2004 with zero confidence--

but knew that there was something more for her in this world.

This teacher suffered through a broken marriage, but trudged on.

This teacher shed tears for her own loss when her father passed away.

This teacher pushed through during the times when she felt the most alone and her

best friend was named, Corona.

This teacher walked away a year from graduation, because she felt defeated.

This teacher moved away, got married and had a baby.  Trying to convince herself

that a life as a teacher wasn't for her.

This teacher knew the road she had to take and found her way back.

This teacher worked diligently, with a baby on her hip, to get the work done.

This teacher spent many sleepless nights working to prove her ability and desire to do right for her students.

Seven years in the making, she finally earned the certificate that healed all of the

wounds and scars on her heart that made her wonder if her dream would ever come true.

Today, I am a teacher.

I cry because I made it.

I finished what I set out to do even though life tried to tell me no.

I did it.  For me and for my daughter.

Education is something that no one can take away.

This platform is the first that I had to climb, but definitely not my last.

Masters Degree, ready or not, here I come!

 

I'm a third grade teacher!

I know, I know.  I already told you that I got hired and am now a teacher.  Like, a real  that will earn a real paycheck.  I know, I know.  But today I officially completed my student teaching requirements.  I am technically done with student teaching.  My supervisor came in to do my last observation and brought all of the university paperwork for me to sign off on.... and it truly was like buying a home:  read and sign, read and sign, read and sign, initial here, here and here.....  Shake my hand and congratulations!

I wanted to celebrate.  I wanted to shout and dance and enjoy my moment.  But the twenty-two students staring back at me would have thought I was nuts.

Because to them, I am a teacher already. 

The letter went home to their parents yesterday to announce that I will be the teacher for the remainder of the school year.  And today, the district welcomed me by issuing me a page full of log-in and password information complete with my own "third grade teacher" email address. 

It's finally real.

I just wish that graduation was now.  The university made a very stupid decision for the December and May graduates to have a combined ceremony and will be compacting all graduates into one ceremony come May.  I know.  I am not happy.  Someone obviously forgot to ask for my opinion on this one.  It's totally not fair for the December graduates to have to WAIT till May to walk.  And it's not fair to all of the graduates to have that many people crammed into ONE ceremony.  We're going to be there all the ding-dong day!  Not a good choice, Mr. University Decision Maker!

On another note, I am single-handedly trying to polish off a bag of Dove Promise chocolates.  Have you tried these things?  Whoa.  They are so freakin' good.  And yes, I have read each promise as if it were written for me.  I nod and say "thank you" as I shove the chocolate into my mouth to savor the amazing chocolaty-ness.  Because truly, "Shut the world out for just one moment." is just what I needed to hear.  I mean, don't we all need to hear that?! 

The big party is this weekend.  As in, like, three days.  Oh my gosh.  Such anxiety.  My baby is two, people.  She is TWO.  Hold me.

I think that I have most everything ready to go....aside from a Sam's trip for finger foods on Sunday morning.  And the helium balloon run.  I may just buy one of those little tanks.  Not too sure.  I know that I'm making myself crazy with the details....but, well....have you met me?  I tend to over-analyze and over-think things on the daily.  So yeah, nothing new.

We took Kage to Party City to pick up some last minute items for her party.  She was loving the independence that the basket gave her.  She was able to shop around and choose what she wanted to put into her favor boxes.

I still have to finish the cupcake toppers--but I'm thinking that those will be the perfect job to keep me busy for the six hour car ride.  Shoot.me.now.  And I just know that she's going to cry the w.h.o.l.e. way.  And we're going to get into town at midnight.  ugh.  And she'll be on an excitement high when we get there and will surely but up till 2 or 3 a.m.  Sooooo, I'm looking at a 24 hour day tomorrow.  So excited.  Can you tell?  ugh.

Her birthday outfit *with boots* arrived this week and can I just take a minute to swoon.  This outfit is *to die for*!  I can not wait to share it.  Ya'll are going to love, love, love it.  I took it to work today and the ladies went crazy for it.  I can't wait to show you pictures.  The girl that made it is a friend of mine and as a gift to Kage, she made her this shirt. Can you even imagine how much I love this?!  I mean, it's more like a gift to me.  Seeing her nickname on a shirt is like, so super cool.  Ahhhh, my girl.  My Kage.

My little Miss Independence has to do everything herself.  And if you question her, she'll tell you.  "No, Kinley do it.  Myself."  Everything has to be herself.  Or "self."  Her breakfast, her bath, her clothes, her diaper.  That's a fun one.  Tonight at dinner, she was refusing her food because she wanted a plate like mommy and daddy.  Not her plate.  So, I did what any mom in control would do. 

I switched her. 

I mean, who wouldn't want to eat on a plate like this:

Jealous.  Aren't you?

She then ate her dinner.

She's a spit-fire.  That is for-sure.  But God love her...she's my heart and soul.  I love her so much.  So, so much.  She's my life.  She's more than that.  You really can't even describe it, can you?

We're just working through these wonderful 2s.  She's learning and growing so fast...and we're rolling with the punches. 

My baby is two. 

Going back to the 4th grade

I haven't mentioned anything about school yet...but on Thursday we got our grade and classroom assignments.  And while I wish I could have gotten 2nd again, like I had previously in my Lab 1, I was assigned to 4th grade-gifted.  Oh boy. 

Gifted?

Really?

I must admit that I'm a tad intimidated.  Not because they are gifted, but because of the way that I'm going to have to teach.  Gifted students learn on a higher level of thinking.  They need that challenge.  What if I'm unable to challenge them?  What if I am unable to make them think?  What if I bore them?

Heck, what if they are smarter than me?!  There are game shows about this stuff, you know!

To make things worse, their classroom teacher is less than thrilled to have a student working with her.  So that makes it difficult.  But, I was given what I was given and I must forge ahead.

So this semester, I'm teaching science, social studies and math to a group of 20 fourth graders, who probably know more than me.  Ahhhhh, well. 

Teaching myself to believe

When I was little, one of my favorite things to buy with my $1.00 allowance, was a brand new box of chalk.  Mom would walk all of us "uptown" to the dime store and I would be able to get my box of chalk and also a few pieces of the 10 cent candy.  That box of chalk was excitement.  I thought of all of the writing I could do on my chalkboard at home.  All of the lessons that I would "teach" to my "students" (little brother).  Little white sticks that were crisp, perfectly formed, smooth and dusty.  I loved it.  My brothers bought toys, I bought chalk.

I would guess that I knew that I wanted to be a teacher since about second grade.  Mrs. Genetti was my second grade teacher and I can still remember some of her lessons. That's a long time to have a dream--and not give it up.

I am a year from graduation.  I took the longest route to get here.  I let life happen and get in the way, and from that I learned to not let Kinley make these same mistakes. 

Teaching in IL is scary.  There are severe cut backs.  Hundreds (maybe thousands) of teachers are unemployed because there are just no jobs.  No money to pay them.  Retirement benefits are paid in full at the ripe age of 67.  Can you imagine teaching at 67?  I sure can't.  NO way. 

To say that I'm feeling discouraged is an understatement.  I did a search in the IL teachers job bank and there is nothing.  Literally. 

Had I not lolli-gagged along through life and had just got the job done when "I was supposed to" in my early 20s, I probably wouldn't be in this position.  I wouldn't be in this position.  It's disappointing.

I'm too far into the degree program to change it now, but part of me wonders if I need to get right back into another program after graduation.  Or maybe even take some classes towards something else along with these last few teaching classes.  Thinking of myself doing another profession is hard.  I mean, I've always wanted to be a teacher.  That's just in me.  Trying to find another path is going to take some soul searching.  What would make me equally as happy?

Richie thinks that I should just chill about it and that I will find something after graduation.  He says that I will sell myself to the administrators and will have no issues finding something.  But that's just his style.  He's the kind of guy that responds to everything with "it'll be fine--don't worry about it, everything will work out" and then I'm the one that scrambles to make sure that it does work out.  This time, I'm not so sure that I can scramble my way out of this. 

I like to think that I could stand out from the rest.  I like to think that I'm one above.  I want it more.  I've worked so hard to overcome so many obstacles, and it has made me so much stronger and want it so much more.  But those kinds of things aren't asked on applications or in interviews.  I found the video of my very first lesson plan.  We had to "teach" it to our classmates.  The goal was a ten minute lesson and I remember my nerves were just on fire.  I couldn't imagine "teaching" for TEN WHOLE MINUTES.  And then I watch that video and I remember how alive I felt during that lesson.  I think I ended up "teaching" for about 16 minutes that day.  I knew then that I was meant to be a teacher. 

(this is a video of a video--quality isn't the greatest--and notice that my hair has not changed, ugh!)

This was four years ago.  That is how far I let this go.... I should have graduated years ago.  I kick myself about it daily.  But you know what, that is life.  It rarely goes as planned.  Well, it does for some.  But not the majority.  You make a plan, and God laughs.

I will finish this time.  I have to.  I owe it to myself.
I just pray that those districts looking for teachers will see in me what I know is in there. I have to believe that it's in there.

Pay it forward

Let me start by saying that this blog is NOT brought to you by the worst cable company ever, Comcast.  We woke up to yet ANOTHER service interruption and it’s not estimated to be repaired for another couple of hours.  So no TV, no phone, no internet for me!  We have lived here right at a month and I honestly don’t think that I’ve had a single day without some sort of outage.  We’ve had a tech out once before and still we’re not repaired.  I’ve had it with them.  Today is the last chance and if it’s not fixed, they’re out.  I’ve heard that there is UVerse (or something like that) that we can use for local services.  I woke up and was so upset that I wouldn’t have my “me” time…it’s my sanity for the day!  I get to Facebook, check email, and check in at my online class and blog.  Today I have to blog in Microsoft Word and later I’ll have to copy/paste.  Where would we be without copy/paste, seriously?

Kinley keeps crying out in her sleep.  She’s been doing it for the last hour….or I’ve been hearing it for the past hour.  It may have been going on all night for all I know.  I just have this instinct that something is wrong.  She’s not feeling well and not acting like herself.  I did call the dr. yesterday and they said to give her a couple of days.  I’m going to be SO mad if it doesn’t correct itself in a few days and we go in to a real illness.  If they caused her to deal with a sickness with no medication, they are going to get the wrath of psycho mom.  Mark my words.  Psycho Mommy don’t play.  (And no, spell check; I don’t want it to say “Psycho Mommy “doesn’t” play.)

For my online class, we are finishing up the play Julius Caesar and I’m not proud of this, but I’ve made it thus far by only skimming the text and not actually owning my own copy of the book.  I found a site online that has the original text with a side by side comparison with the translation.  That is how I’ve made it through so far.  Well now the professor goes and throws a stick into my plan because she’s assigned a response essay to a piece in the actual book that I can’t find anywhere else.  Grrr.  The book is only six bucks, but I just didn’t want to have to buy it.  We are done with this novel on Friday.  I was so close.  I even found a super old Borders gift card the other day and it has $8.99 left on it.  It totally had the new Nicholas Sparks book all over it.  But no, now I have to buy the stupid (sorry Shakespeare) Julius Caesar book.  Richie said to just go and get both books but I’m trying to be good and stick to a budget here.  Buying the new Nicholas Sparks book is not in the budget this week….well, it’s not after we ate out like four times last weekend.  Geez.  Talk about dropping the budget ball on that one!

Do you ever think of ways to make someone’s day?  I don’t mean someone you know…that is just a given.  But someone unsuspecting.  Sometimes when I sit and think about people in my life; whether they were a previous co-worker, a past waitress/server, a cashier at the store, a neighbor, anyone, if they had a positive effect on my life I want to acknowledge it.  I never have before and I ask myself why I let the opportunity pass me by.  You know how good it feels to be told “thank you” or “good job” or “Wow, someone really appreciated you!”  Every day, at some point during my day, I think of someone that could use that.  But I never act on it.  Today I want to make it a new goal of mine to spend maybe five-ten minutes a week to acknowledge someone.  Maybe not even every week.  Some days/weeks I don’t go anywhere to meet anyone to acknowledge.  But the thing is, pay it forward.  You have seen that movie, right?  I firmly believe that all good things come back to you so why not start now?  I have a ton of those blank, all occasion, note cards.  They are different designs…you know what I mean.  Why not send one out to someone to just say “hey, I really appreciated that” or “thank you for….”.   Does that sound too cheesy?  Or would some see it as stalker-ish?  Hmmm, I think it would be appreciated.

Off hand, I have two people in mind.  One was a hostess in a restaurant that we visited a few weeks ago.  She was above and beyond kind.  Not only was she super nice to us but also to Kinley.  That rarely happens in restaurants.  She even sang a little song to her.  Do you even know how that changed our dining experience?  I wish I knew her name so that the acknowledgement could get to her directly but I’ll bet they will know who I’m talking about. 

Secondly, there is a teacher that I worked with several years ago.  She taught second grade and I was her teaching assistant.  She is retired now but she impacted me so much; not only as a future educator but as a person.  I believe I did tell her this but I want to be sure that she knows.  Too often teachers go without the recognition that they deserve.  Even if I wasn’t a student of hers, per se, I learned more about me in that second grade classroom than anywhere else that I’ve been.  Isn’t that something?  I always joke that going through the second grade as a twenty-six year old really changed my life. 

Speaking of teaching/teachers, did you watch Oprah yesterday?  She did a show about the new documentary “Waiting on Superman” (I was going to link that, but thanks to Comcast, I have no internet).  Talk about bawling my eyes out.  Teaching is one thing that I am passionate about and that passion is so deep.  I feel so blessed to have found something that moves me. 

Why are GOOD teachers so underappreciated?  One year that I worked as a teaching assistant, it was during Christmas and the children brought in their gifts to the teacher.  I don’t intend to sound unappreciative (the gifts weren’t for me so I guess I am merely making an observation rather than being unappreciative) but do you realize that parents appreciate their servers in restaurants more than their child’s teacher?  Think about it…when you dine out you tip, what, 18% or 20%?  That is for one hour of their time to “serve” you and your family.  Normally, 18% or 20% averages to maybe $5 and that is estimating low.  Here comes Christmas time and it’s time to buy the gift for your child’s teacher.  You head to Dollar Tree and buy some little figurine.  Now let’s be real.  Teachers are like moms.  They appreciate the thought more than the gift.  But to me it’s almost a slap in the face.  That teacher is impacting (hopefully for the better) your child’s life.  They are with your child all day, five days a week.  Money may be tight, I so understand that. Instead of getting that little trinket just to say that you got a gift, you should write a thank you note to tell him/her how much you appreciate the role that they play in your child’s life, or have your child write a note or hand make something.  Am I even making sense?  Your child’s teacher doesn’t need another trinket but would so appreciate a letter of thanks.  Are there any teachers “out there” reading this that agrees/disagrees with me? 

I honestly have no clue how I got off on that rant but after spending that much time thinking on it, I refuse to highlight/delete.  And besides, I have no TV or internet right now (thank you Comcast) so why not continue blogging.

Today’s agenda is pretty bland.  We have to wait on Comcast to get here.  Ugh.  I have vacuuming and dusting on my schedule today.  Yesterday was laundry.  I still have a ginormous basket of folded Kinley clothes to put away.  The child seriously has too many clothes.  It’s not even funny anymore.  I can’t find a place to put everything!  I need to find a family that really is in need and donate.    Then we’re heading out to Border’s to get my book.  It’s supposed to be super nice today so we’ll have to throw in a walk today too! 

Okay, I’m bored with blogging now.  Internet is still out.  Guess I’ll get started on dusting.