Trouble in Sleepyville

Kinley was a champion sleeper.  At 9 weeks old, she slept through the night.  By 9 months, we could put her in bed awake and she would self soothe and fall to sleep on her own.  And then around 18 months-ish, it all fell apart.  We were back to having to get her to sleep (usually rocking her) before laying her down...and now, we lay on her floor next to her bed until she's asleep.  Ugh.  How did it come to this?

She is two (and a half) and should not need us to lay next to her bed for her to fall asleep.

We did the cry it out method for a while--and while it SUCKED--it worked.  It hasn't been every night since 18-ish months, but there were gaps when she would self soothe to sleep.  Do they still call it self soothing at this age?  So cry it out did work for us.  I think that it took at least five years off of my life--but it did work to our benefit.

At this point in the game, I feel that she's too old for the cry-it-out.  She can talk, she can reason, she can put the guilt trip down.  It wouldn't be so bad if we could go in with her and then thirty minutes later, she would be asleep.  Oh no---we're talking an hour to two hours EACH NIGHT being on her floor next to her bed while she's talking, singing, reading, playing.  I know, I know...we're crazy.  But don't judge.  I've yet to meet a perfect parent.

For a few months around her second birthday, we had it under control.  We had a routine and she did well.  Bath at 7, brush teeth, read books, say prayers, and good night.  We left her room and she was left to fall asleep.

I blame ourselves for the situation that we're in.  We got lazy.  We got tired of the routine and quit.  We kept pushing bed time later and later and eventually just quit it all together.  I think that we were tired of being tied to the apartment every night at 7 to start the routine. Especially now with it staying light out so much later and Richie working longer days.  Starting a bedtime routine at 7 just made us feel robbed of our evenings with her.

So I know the problem is us.  But what can we do about it now?  It's going to be difficult to get it under wraps at this point...especially with her and I being home all summer.  Let's face it, the child sleeps till she wakes up--instead of her 5:50 a.m. wake up call during the school year.  So she's sleeping later.  Nap schedule is not consistent because of the sporadic wake up time and our schedule varying day by day.

Geez, there is no consistency in our child's life.  Yikes.  I guess that it took me typing that all out to realize it.

But we have to fix it.

For our sanity and her well being.  It's just not a good situation.

We are planning to start our bedtime routine again.  I've been researching it online and have found that at this age, it's important to make the child feel like they still have choices in the situation.  So I can let her choose her own jammies (she does anyway--had to move her underwear and jammie drawer to the bottom of the dresser so that she could make her own choices), let her choose three books (you put the limit on how many books but she chooses the ones she wants to read) and put her to bed.  But what I'm unsure about is the end part.....put her to bed.  Do we go back to cry it out?  Is that healthy at this age?  Will it be effective?

I have noticed that on the nights that she falls asleep dramatically (as in, hysterical crying, because we're trying to fix this problem), she wakes several times throughout the night.  If she falls asleep peacefully (with us on her floor) she will sleep {mostly} soundly.

No joke, I sometimes feel as if I have a newborn again.  There are nights that I am up three or four times to put her back to sleep.  I am thinking that it could be night terrors, or something.  I'm really unsure.  And a  friend of mine said that when her 2.5 year old has to cry herself to sleep, she goes somewhere where she can't hear her, to help her sanity.  Well, we live in a tiny apartment.  I can't go anywhere but outside, and that's illegal and super unsafe.

What do you suggest?  Have you had experience with this?  Advice?

This night, she decided to sleep on the floor.
Daddy usually falls asleep there too.

Do we suck it up and let her grow out of it?  We have started taking headphones into her room with us (usually only one of us lays next to her, sometimes both of us) and listen to the Dave Ramsey show on our phones.  It is much better than just laying there staring at the ceiling, just waiting for her to pass out.  Our parent's generation, and older, tell us to cherish these days when she wants held or rocked to sleep.  I get that.  I really, really do.  But I also know that it's not healthy for her--our our marriage--to keep this up.  We DREAD bed time.  Because even if we try to rock her to sleep, which I feel is crazy {for me}, she will think it's play time.

I know that she has full control...she has full control in every aspect of our life.  And we are aware of that.  But slightly unsure what to do to take it back.

Any ideas or advice is welcomed and appreciated!

My Easy Button

Have I told you how blessed I am to have such an amazing little girl to call my own?  Have I told you how blown away I am by her pure awesomeness?  I really, truly, think that life has given me the easy button a few times with this whole parenting thing.  Now, I'm in no way saying that parenting is easy.  No way, Jose.  It's freakin' hard!  But really....I have been let off the hook more than a couple of times with this one.

When she was 7 weeks old, she moved from our room in a bassinet to her crib in her own room.  Smooth transition.  At 9 weeks old, she was sleeping through the night.  She nursed for 15 months and the weaning...EASY.  Then came the pacifier weaning...once I weaned myself, she was easy to get past it. 

This past weekend, we (on a whim, mind you) decided to convert her crib to a toddler bed.  I say "on a whim" because it literally was one of those situations where I was like, "hey, you want to take her crib apart and see if it really does convert like the box said it did?"  And so, we did.  It helped that my parents were in town for the weekend and were able to confirm our plan as not being too crazy.

And I guess I should point out that ever since I got my hair done (ummmm, about two weeks ago) and was casually comparing parenting notes and daycare stories with my stylist (her son is a few months older than Kinley and goes to a Montessori day care) when she mentioned that her son's teacher acted appalled that he was still in a crib at the age of two.  So, I guess I've been feeling totally crazy about it.  Am I babying her too much?  Am I holding her back?  Am I doing the wrong thing?  Isn't that what all of us moms ask ourselves?  God forbid we do the wrong thing!

So we converted her bed.

And she thought it was way cool and instantly called it her big girl bed.  We really played it up to be something special and she bought every minute of it.  In a flash before my eyes, my baby became less of a baby.

Nap came and we dreaded it....oh, we dreaded it.  And well, this bed/crib conversion isn't very sturdy.  Meaning, I can't lay in it with her without feeling like we're both goin' down!  So as badly as I want to curl up with her and snooze, I can't. 

I try and try to get her to lay down and nap.  No dice.

I put up the baby gate, told her to nap, and walked out.

She got up and shut her door. 

Okay, fine.

Two hours later, (I knew she hadn't slept, she wasn't as quiet as she thought) we opened the door (after picking the lock because she had locked it) and found this:

Hurricane Kinley.  She blamed the dog.

We dealt with a no nap Saturday and moved along.  Saturday night came and bedtime was relatively easy!  And each night since then, (why am I blogging this....I am so jinxing myself!) bedtime has been pretty simple.  She doesn't get up.  She doesn't wander.  She doesn't get up to play.  She's yet to end up in our room. 

Strangely easy. 

But then I remind myself that a lot of these big milestones that most parents dread, have been, well, easy.

I just wish I had a real Easy Button for those dreadful daycare drop-offs that we've yet to master without tears.  And those leaving the park episodes where I have to haul her away screaming and swatting at me.  And those moments when you just don't know what is the right decision to make.  Those are the times when I really wish I could push the Easy Button.  I guess those big milestones are actually the small things.

She's got nothin' but time

It's probably pretty obvious that school has taken over about 99% of my free time.  Hence the lack of blog time.  While I am staying on top of things, mostly, I find that my confidence in my work has gone down so much.  When I was in school before, I would hammer out an assignment in no time and submit it without thinking twice. Now, I finish it and then spend the next several hours going over it a million times just discounting every word I had just typed.  Where is my confidence?!  I guess Dr. Laura was/is right. 

So I'm sitting here, with both of my math methods assignments done...yet I'm so full of doubt that I can't click that "Submit" button.  Ugh.

And to help matters, Kinley is now walking.  And getting into *everything*!

She thinks that she's helping me....scratch that, she really doesn't care if she's helping or not.  But is it the age?  Ugh!!!!!!!  She is in to *everything*.  And when I tell her no, she turns around, smiles and then goes about her business.  No concern in the world.  She runs the household.

Where did we fail?  Can we get the control back?

Our nights have been completely dreadful the past month.  She stays up until she feels like going to bed and then gets up two or three times during the night.  This causes us to be complete crabs to each other and anyone else that we come into contact with.  And really, we just don't need the crankiness in our lives right now.  We have enough drama.

Last night we decided to start a new routine.  Dr. Laura and I talked about establishing a schedule for Kinley to help me get back into control of myself and my time and my life, basically.  So we decided that 8:00 would be bath time.  From the bath, we would spend time in her room.  Reading (yeah right, the child will not sit for a story, anyone else have that problem?), playing with her stuffed animals or puzzles.  Then at 8:45 it's time to nurse and go to sleep.  Last night, she was asleep by 9 and got up at 4 and 5.  But she went back down both times and got up at 7:30. 

Problem being, on Tuesday and Thursday, we're up at 4:30 getting ready for school/work/daycare.  Her getting us up at 4 is not cool.

I'm kind of hoping to push bath to 7:00 and then bed by 8:00 but I'm not sure we can do that. 

It's all trial and error, I guess.

What routines work for you?

This is so helpful when I'm trying to study.  *So* helpful.